This guy in my office..Ive fallen for him.

[Ren2003]

Hey guys..I was posting here as "WhatsthematterwithRen", but for some reason..I couldnt log onto that name anymore.

I hope you can go back and check out my dilema,(its under "New here..need serious advice") to get the scoop where Im at right now.

 

Ok..back late August I posted here about a guy that works in my building.

I am 30 and he is 25... His name is B******

 

Heres a quick run down...

I became friendly with him back in May...this summer we became friends..we only talk at work and when I see him out when he plays in his band.

I am in a current relationship, but sadly, it is slowly fading away.

Ive never felt sooo strongly towards anyone in all these years than I do with this guy at work. We have sooo much in common that its scary. I work days, he works nights..but I see him because our schedules run into each other.

Some days he can be really flirtatious..others not.

He was in an on/off again relationship with this girl. Back in August when I posted for the first time..he was with her again. Yet, I couldnt understand why he would want to be with this girl when she caused him alot of crap back in the Spring.

Well, anyway..

He invited me and a couple other co workers to a party he had at his house 2 weeks ago..Needless to say, I was sooo happy!

This proves he does really like me as a friend at least.. LOL

 

Anyway...His girlfriend was out of town at the time. (yay!)

He did speak about her a couple times that night..so as you can imagine, I did feel a bit crushed.

But he got to know me a little bit better, and I got to know him better. We talked alot that night.

 

He also did get me my drinks all night and then gave me this 'look'....

It made me melt and I couldnt believe he was actually looking at ME this way!

He asked if I still had the first drink he gave me and then gave me the most flirtatious look and squinted at me and smiled. I cant really describe it, but yet..I gave him the same look back.

Ive been wondering what was up with that look for the past couple weeks.

Some days I catch him looking at me from his desk, other days he plays it cool like he has no interest at all. I do the same thing though. But it confuses me! LOL

 

I try to make it known that Im having problems with my boyfriend. But I dont tell him.

Ive been seriously praying that he realizes I could be the one for him, even though I knew he was with his girlfriend.

I think I am in love with him. This is a very strong feeling. I feel like I need to be with him. Almost like Hes my missing link.

 

Well, this past Thursday, he got to work late and I was leaving pulling out of the drive...when I saw him pull in and he beeped and waved at me!

Now, hes only seen my car once or twice. So....This proves that he knows my car!

The next day (this past Friday) he came in and he said hi and all, and I could have sworn he was listening to my conversation I was having with someone. (Im flattered, actually!)

See, we can listen to headphones, and I was talking to this girl near him and I saw him pull away his one earphone.

Right before that, he just glanced over at me and smiled as he answered his phone. I was taken aback..but I smiled right back at him.

 

Before I left work that day..I went over to his desk to chat with him. I asked him what he was doing for the weekend and he told me nothing too much. He VERY QUICKLY mentioned that he broke up with his girlfriend and said he was just "bored with the whole thing", and quickly dropped the subject.

I quickly said back.."Oh..Ill be doing the same too, and said..I know what you mean..things get boring after awhile"

He said hes been very bored lately with alot of things.. I agreed and said the same thing..because its true.

We then changed the subject.

 

We talked about him maybe having a Halloween party at his place if he cancels his show on Halloween night. He didnt come right out and invite me, but I know I will probably be invited. I told him it sounds like fun..etc etc.

When I was leaving he said "Well, have a good weekend and try not to be too bored" and I laughed and told him to "have a nice weekend too and that I will see him Monday"

 

 

Now..this comes the day after a very good friend of ours asked me privately how things are going with my boyfriend. I told her things are the same and I am not in love with him anymore.

Before that I had mentioned B***** in a conversation and said I love my new friends!

Maybe its all a coincidence...maybe not.

Maybe God is answering my prayers.

Maybe this is actually the beginning of something, or maybe Im just living in a fantasy world.

All I think about is him. Hes always on my mind. I think of him and smile.

Its just weird though, I kept telling my close friends all week that if only he wasnt going out with her.

 

Am I losing my mind?

Gosh..maybe I AM living in a fantasy world and just wishing he broke up with his girlfriend because of me. LOL

Oh well..

ANYONE PLEASE..I need some advice..some input..whatever.

It would help tremendously if you could go back to that post about him I made back on Aug 28th I believe.

 

Anyway.. thank you all. I know this was long winded. I really look forward to your responses.

[reynder]

Hey there,

Wow - you're kind of going through exactly what I sort of went through/am still going through with a woman I work with.

 

I myslelf have talked to friends and family about this woman and nobody can figure her out. One thing they all say though is to run in the other direction, take this as a blessing in disguise and run run run! hahaha. I still can't see it - because I got too close!

 

For me, this started just over a year ago - a few days after we met, we started having long conversations (I mean half hour to an hour - AT WORK), and emails back and forth - it was crazy. When I woudl drop hints about us going out sometime - she would say nothing, avoid my email or hints and then go right back to her frequent visits and emails. Finally, after 2 months, I had lunch with her one day and said that it was obvious that I liked her and wanted to take her out, but i didn't even know if she was involved with anybody. SHe looked at me with this strange look - then said that she was kinda of seeing somoeone, but it wasn't serious, it was long distance and he wasn't the one for her - she was ending it. I told her we shouldn't talk about that now then adn we changed the subject.

 

WHen she had the boyfriend still, she would tell me how going out and doing something outside of work would feel too much like she was cheating on him so she couldn't accept my invitations. SHe would tell me that if she met me earlier, she woudl go out with me - and that she couldn't just break up with the boyfriend adn be with me because she wouldn't want me to think I was just a rebound or safety net - i was more than that.

 

That went on for months - flirting, and her staying with the boyfriend - although it was long distance and they never saw each other. We continued with our friendship, because I was hopeful things would change - and it was hard, month after month. When she would hear about my having gone out on dates and stuff, she would ask me a million questions - and when i would comment to her about having gone somewhere on the weekend, before I could finish what i was saying she would interrupt and ask "WITH WHO????".

 

She broke up with her boyfriend about 5 months ago, and we continued the insane emails and talking - and she was telling me that her and I going out was just not something she was ready for - that she doen'st just date, and that she needed time to get over things with the ex - it was hard, and there were other things she needed to sort out in her life. She would never talk to me about them though - just be so closed off. We had a long talk one day, when I asked her where this was going - that i liked her, and wanted to spend more time with her - take her out - but I dont' know if she only wants to be friends or what. WHen I asked "do you just want to be friends", she slowly nodded yes after a pause - looking all awkward like - then over the next half hours time, she explained that it was just that she needed some time, didn't want a relatoinship right now, that there were things going on and it wasn't fair to me because she couldn't give me what i need because her mind is on her ex boyfriend still. She started getting worked up, saying that it scares her to death to think of how close she feels she can get to me so easily, it makes her sick to her stomach, and there are things she could tell me that would probably make me run in the other direction. She said she has chickened out so many times - and didn't want to push me away. It just made no sense - and she finished by saying she didn't want to disapoint me or hurt me. She first said she only wanted to be friends, then said all that stuff - so I asked her what she wanted - does she want me to give her time, to wait for her - even thoughshe has not right ot ask me that. She said yes, she wants US to wait.

 

Thta was about 2 months ago - and still it's nothing. We had a pretty big fight this past month, just started talking to each other again this week. In our talk she said that she thought our friendshp was fine, and that we keep going in circles with all this stuff. She explained that there is stuff going on with her family and she doesn't know if she's coming or going, and that she doesn't want anythign with anybody right now - she just wants to be alone. First she said that she felt us getting closer, but she thought ot herself that she was sending the wrong signals. WHen I asked "you felt yourself getting closer, or you thought I was" and she said it was me she thought was - that she didn't feel that way. Then she said she did like me, does like me - and as she said before that she just needed time. IT left me confused - because I dont' know what to believe - and yet I got emotionally involved after a whole year of this.

 

I don't know what to do anymore - my friends and family can't understand her at all. TO me - someone of the opposite sex doesn't spend that much time with a person, in person, emails, all that stuff if they are not attracted and interested in the other person. - you just don't do that stuff. People in the office even came to me and asked what wasw going on because she was in my office ALL THE TIME, even our director noticed adn made a comment about it - saying I should ask her out, it was obvious things weren't serious with her boyfriend (this was back in the beginning).

 

RIght now - I'm faking our friendship. Everyone tells me the best way to handle a person like her (which everyone says is selfish and doesn't care about other peoples feelings) is to make sure she see's you have no problem with hw things turn out. SO I do just that - tease and flirt with other women in the office, always joking and making people laugh as I always have. She has started comign to me again - in my office for a small chat, emails, and I down play it - write her back in an hour or two instead of right away like I always did. I just don't know what to do about this myself.

 

The good news for me is that I got a promotion adn will be leaving the divisoin in about 2 months - so I don't have ot see her anymore - I just have so much hate for her because I felt like she played me this entire time.

 

ANyway - i wrote enough here - just thought I would share my story with you since you seem to be going through soemnthing similar. My email is email removed if you want to chat - we could probably vent to each other!

 

Take care

Derek

[Swannee]

Hello, your original post was Aug 25, I am in the same situation with a co-worker, see my post made yesterday, This guy you like a work, I am sure he likes you also, however, you currently have a boyfriend, you seem to have recently come to terms that you don't love him anymore, so if you truly do not see a long term future with your current boyfriend, then you should set your self free from him, give yourself some time to heal, let the guy at work know that you admire him, smile huge big smile's at him, this will get his heart beating quicker for you. The guy at work knows he can't pursue you because you are currently in a relationship. So do what is best for you, make some hard descions, be proactive, you are the only one responcible for your happyness in everything you do in life, never be dependent on any body else for your happyness.

Take care

Swannee

[Ren2003]

Thanks for your responses you guys...

I appreciate it.

I really do hope he likes me.

 

I will continue to be on a friendly basis with him and smile at every chance I get and talk to him more and more. I learn something new about him every day. I love it.

Im just glad I found such a wonderful friend in him.

Ive been very down today.. He came in later again, (I passed him on the road) so I didnt get to talk to him today.

Whats really bothering me is.. I cant get him off my mind.

Does anyone else have this problem with anybody?

I mean, its driving me batty. I try alot of things.. but everything reminds me of him.

 

Anyone else want to give advice on what you think about my whole situation? I would love to hear some more advice.