When will she be satisfied??

[alostsoul77]

Hi everyone. I broke up with my girlfriend 4 months ago and it has been tough for the both of us. I saw it as an opportunity to fix those things in me which I thought caused some of the tension between us. Throughout those 4 months she called me almost everyday begging me to take her back. I told her that I needed some time to fix myself and that in a few months I would be ready. But she would not let up, and it got to a point where I told her either she respected my choice or I would stop communicating with her. This stopped her....for 2 weeks. I have reassured her numerous times that I have not and do not intend on entering into another relationship with anyone else. I really do love her, but I realised that we did certain things that hurt the relationship and we needed to fix those and talk about them, before we can fully recommit.

 

Anyway now she has told me that there is "...someone who is making an impression" on her and she gave me the option of taking her back now or she would move onto this guy. I flipped! I see this as blackmail! Right now she is in another state and I wont see her until December, so I dont know what is going on in her life besides what she tells me. I dont want to lose her but at the same time I need her to understand my position.

 

So I agreed to take her back. And now she is pestering me saying she doesnt want me to say "Yes" if i feel pressured. I dont understand what she is doing. I said give me sometime and she refused. Now I have said yes she still has problems with it. Someone please help. Have I handled thiscorrectly?

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

I understand your ex has found someone who interests her and she wanted to get back with you to see if it could work. I also understand you feel pressured to get back with her.

My first question to you is: why did you string her along for four months? That was not really fair of you. I understand that you wanted to see if things could work out between you, but I feel that you were in some ways hanging on to her so that you didn't have to be alone. This is, of course, only my view on what you said. Please feel free to dispute that.

As far as this young lady is concerned, I think it may be best for both of you to just go your separate ways. There is no point in you forcing yourself into a relationship you don't feel comfortable in and if she fancies another guy, she should see where that leads. I know that you love her and I'm sure she loves you, but it appears to me there is too much drama and mind playing in your relationship, and that is not healthy.

In regards to the blackmail, yes this could be her way of getting you back, but you have to decide if it's worth it. If you are not feeling like this is what you want right now, then I suggest you not do it. If it was meant to be, you will have a chance.

I hope this helped and best wishes!

[Aura Seeker]

Hi there. I don't think falling into emotional blackmail will work. What do you really want with a person who begs you to keep them? There probably was no other guy.

 

Take the time you need. Let her go if she wants to go.

 

Just my opinion

 

A

[alostsoul77]

Thanks so much to you all. Your comments really did help put things into perspective.

Faeriechyld, I think you are right I may have strung her along - although that, honestly, was not my intention. She has all the qualities I desire in a partner and then some - but somehow we both ended up hurting each other, because of a fear of committing.

The truth is I think I should have stuck to my guns, and refused to have anything to do with her. I now know what I have to do.