I help.. Please

[cwing01]

i'm new at this.. so please forgive me.

 

I been holding on to faith and hoping me and my ex will get back together. now i got that out. i been in plenty of long relationships but this one was only 6 months long now. but within those months we been through a lot. especial with her issues in life. i was the man of her life since her father was there. she witnessed alot. her father was massive abusive and was a cheater. while growing up she even withnessed her sister going through the same things her mother went through. its crazy. she told me this and even her mother told me this on the sneak. i was like her mother's gate way to get closer to her daughter. everything was perfect for a couple of months and i broke some promises that i couldnt keep. but i never lied to her. i was honest. i told her everything. but she held it against me and stated i broke her trust.

 

the reason we broke up is because one time we messed around and never had sex because she wanted to wait until marriage. (i respect that so i waited and never pressured her) but that night i kept on asking to continue. she got pissed and left. a couple days later i wasnt calling her or texting as much because i thought she needed time to chill out. plus i felt like a pervert. so things changed and her feeling changed because she thought i was all in it for sex. when really im not. so it lead up to a break up.

 

i love the girl until this day. (we even talked about marriage and say each other as being the one for each other) and we been broken up for almost a yr now. but when we try to move on. we end up being back in each other lives. recently i had a lost my grandmother passed. all my friends wasnt really there for me but she was. i felt like we were getting close again. and thought maybe we might get back up together. since her best friend was telling me she still has something /feelings for me. so i got confused because from the past experience. when i tried to get her back she pushed me away. so i gaved up. but then my feeling started kicking in full trottle but i never showed it. i just did really nice things for her and stuff. then last week. i had a letter i wanted to give my ex. one of those letters to put down everything i wanted to say before i never have the time to. i sent to her best friend to read and tell me if i should give it to her.

 

she said to do it.. but never did because i wanted to revise it again. but throughout the week. we kept on talking about her. and i mention one night that i help her out with her tution. to show her best friend how much i really care. i also mention that she offered to pay me back but i refused because i love her and i wanted to do something for her from my heart. now me and her best friend said to each other to tell her because she'll get mad. guess what she did. and she tripped out.

 

from the last conversation on the phone. it was a ugly look. she was like its been a yr now if i wanted to get with you we would have been together by now. and she was like i wanted to be with you.. you should know by now. and offered to pay me back for helping her out. i told her i dont want the money. and she thought that i was making her look bad by making look like she used me for money. when i told her best friend i did it because i care about her. plus i know what i was doing. i know if im getting used.

 

but theres more. i sent an email to her the following day explaining why i told her friend. and i also mention the problem isnt me but its her. she has this tendency to let people in and when they do something wrong or to hurt her even if it was a mistake or something small. she will cut them off and be really mean to them. and i also said that she treated me wrong.

 

but just now i sat down and thought about everything. So i wrote apology letter. i want to give it to her in person but i feel like she dont want anything to do with me. should i forget about it and just keep on moving?? because deep inside i want her back but i dont want to force her back. thats not genuwine but i rather have her make her own choice. feel me?

 

i still want to be there for her. or even see her walk when she graduate. i dont know please help.

 

is it to late to re-establish anything or is it not worth thinking about and dont even send the apology letter. or whats so ever.

[Dasdream]

Well, you need to understand, she is afraid. After living with her father and seeing how he was, she is afraid to trust a man, plus you broke a promise to her and you tried to have sex with her after she said no. So, it's going to be really tough for you to get her back. You can send her the letter but choose your words very carefully. Also before you send the letter, don't see her for a couple of weeks, that will give her time to miss you and realize how much you mean to her, then mail the letter.....might work.

[mr me]

Ok i have kinda been in a similar situation but the best thing if for her to seek professional help. Anyone growing up in a an abusive situation has alot of problems that they might not even relate to that situation. I grew up witnessing how it affected people but i never thought it would affect me until i saw how i had a sore spot for women like that like i could save them because i couldnt save the people that were abused in my life.

 

It hard because u dont want to be away from her but there really is nothing u can do. Its like u want to work thru the problems but she has psychological damage that doesnt go away even if u try. its like idk if she goes to counseling but i dont think she does or she would kinda understand what makes her the way she is or at least have an idea. Its also really hard because people who have abused can kinda have abusive tendencies.

 

its like when people get close u and she pushes them away its like to protect her so people understand that but people dont also understand how that makes u try even harder sometimes because u want to break her out of it. I guess if u really do care for her the best thing is to see if she gets help. I am just letting u know because i became obsessed with this girl because i wanted to save her and i was always helping her so i felt like i was gettin there but she needs to learn to save herself. Its really a rough situation but im still struggling to this day because of things and i dont think u would want to get it to that point.

 

I would also say that i dont think u need to apologize because thats the right thing to do but she im sure has an idea of her actions so its not a surprise to her. its just i dont think she has a good situation to understand her problems because its also like her whole family was treated the same way. Its like i guess people have a martyr problem like theyll risk their own life to make someone else happy but after reading some of the stuff on this site i wouldnt feel that way anymore because to me its kinda twisted.

 

Its like to this day i worry about her and i kinda get sick thinking she might get with someone else but this post kinda showed me how its really just a really big problem for anyone who was abused to trust anyone again. I also had her want to wait for the right guy like she said and when i saw myself not being able to be with her or that i wasnt the right guy it hurt alot lol. it still kinda doesnt make sense but the best thing i did for myself is to have time apart from her because people say it makes them miss u which i feel is still kinda wrong but i dont feel like things are as i thought they were. I wanted it to be mutual just like u want it to be but its not that easy. its hard to even know what goes thru her mind but thats also why the time apart was alot better for me. I learned to live for myself again and not to worry about her all the time because i did that for 3 years and i went thru alot of problems because i wasnt focusing on my own but always on her. I guess u put that and how she kinda mentally and emotionally abused me and it made it so much harder. I had to risk really my life just to do anything to help her. I was also codependent so its like to have her just rip herself out of my life was hard but it was alot harder still having her in my life. I do kinda see her as the love of my life but until she can work out her problems and i can fix my own now it would have never worked out. It would just be the same cycle over and over again. Its hard but im just telling u because this reminds me of how i was but i dont see a good ending to this because as u can kinda see with time and time apart that things dont always look so good from the outside looking in.