t1lersm0m1

Day 6 of NC.

Why again is NC in Getting Back Together? NC is not a method to get your ex back, but a method to get you back, or to improve yourself. To stop focusing on him/her, but on you, and being the best YOU can be. It's to give you time to heal.

Anyway, I'm here to focus on me. I hopefully found a place to live. I have to get out of my mother's home. I have to be independent and take care of my son and I. We are the priority.

My journey begins now. When I move on, that will be the best day of my life, and the start of something new.

I'm very excited!

I am a strong, amazing woman. I just have some issues to work out. When I'm ready, I will begin dating. From this day forward, my life is about me, and I will answer to no one.

Moving out of my mother's house will be the best thing I ever did for my son and I.

Oops, I posted twice. I'm on day 3, not day 2.

Her pusued me. He loved me. We broke up because of my mother. Now I am doing the pursuing. We broke up on a Tuesday. He texted me Thursday to ask how my day was. Saturday and Sunday I sent him texts about feelings and stuff. He said he needed space. He is hurting in all of this too and I was being selfish. We didn't communicate for 6 days. Saturday I asked to talk. We talked. I texted him afterward saying it was nice to talk and hopefully we can talk again in a week or two. He said we will talk again soon.

None of this is strategy. I just need to give him his space like he asked. And if/when he thinks of me and reaches out, I want to let him come to me. I don't want to be the one constantly reaching out to him.

Called the landlord of the place I looked at. I went to high school with the woman that looks next door and she assures me I have nothing to worry about. But he still hasn't called me. I'm so excited to start this next chapter of my life. I want to focus on me and my son. I went to get moved in and settled and start the first day of the rest of my life.

Therapy appointment Friday. Volunteer work Thursday after work. I start a training class Monday, so that will keep me busy at work for a few weeks. I'd really like to still take my son on the summer trip my ex and I were planning (my dream national park trip), but I'll have to see if I have the money for it.

Her pusued me. He loved me. We broke up because of my mother. Now I am doing the pursuing. We broke up on a Tuesday. He texted me Thursday to ask how my day was. Saturday and Sunday I sent him texts about feelings and stuff. He said he needed space. He is hurting in all of this too and I was being selfish. We didn't communicate for 6 days. Saturday I asked to talk. We talked. I texted him afterward saying it was nice to talk and hopefully we can talk again in a week or two. He said we will talk again soon.

None of this is strategy. I just need to give him his space like he asked. And if/when he thinks of me and reaches out, I want to let him come to me. I don't want to be the one constantly reaching out to him.

Called the landlord of the place I looked at. I went to high school with the woman that looks next door and she assures me I have nothing to worry about. But he still hasn't called me. I'm so excited to start this next chapter of my life. I want to focus on me and my son. I went to get moved in and settled and start the first day of the rest of my life.

Therapy appointment Friday. Volunteer work Thursday after work. I start a training class Monday, so that will keep me busy at work for a few weeks. I'd really like to still take my son on the summer trip my ex and I were planning (my dream national park trip), but I'll have to see if I have the money for it.

We aren't together because I live with my mother, I am codependent. I enable her. She doesn't approve of him because of his race. But we care deeply for one another.

I contacted him Saturday. texted him and asked if we could talk. He said yes. So we talked for over 40 minutes later. He said he misses me, he would love to have me there with him right now but we can't be together in our current circumstance.

The stupid landlord still hasn't called me back on the apartment I found.

Our call brought me tremendous peace. I was feeling so much uncertainty. In all aspects of our relationship he initiated, but now that we are broken up I am the one initiating. I have to understand that he is hurting as well, and he asked for emotinal space. I can give that to him. So I needed that call on Saturday, but I can now give him his space.

Therapy was good on Thursday. I go back Friday. I need to solve my problems. I will never be perfect, I will constantly grow and evolve, but I have to figure out why I allow my mother to mistreat me. I need to find the best version of me before I can offer her to a man. This separation will also allow me to decide if I want to move forward. Although I love him, we are not compatible inside the bedroom. Outside the bedroom everything is perfect, but I've been frustrated with the sex.

This is my time. It's time to truly get to know me. I can't wait to be out on my own. I will probably discover things I never knew about myself. Like how strong I am, and how capable. I've had so many doubts for so long.

My therapist suggests I have my 16 year old son work to help out. That's not a bad idea. He's been spoiled for so long, it will teach him responsibility, and also the value of a dollar. Even if he earns money to do things for himself...that will help. It will be less that I have to give him.

I can do this. I can be free and independent. I can make it on my own, and still give my son a good life.

The first thing I want to do is have dinner together at the table every night. That's not to say I will cook every night, but we can eat together as a family every night. We can go for walks, go out and enjoy the warm weather together.

This is all a good thing. Everything happens for a reason.

I think it's odd that the No Contact challenge is in the "Getting Back Together" section. LOL

Anyway, I'm starting to do so much better in relationsihps. In my last break up I couldn't stop contacting my ex. This was my first emotionally healthy relationships and it ended because I am codependent with my mother and didn't tell my ex what was going on between my mother and I due to his race.

He contacted last week just idle chit chat. Then I contacted over the weekend in emotional manners. I think he is giving me my space. Anyway, I need to focus on me. But I do still think of him.

This is my time. Time to put my big girl panties on and make a life for my son and I without any outside influence. I went to therapy yesterday. I have another appointment next Friday. The first appointment helped.

Go me. You are strong. You can take control of your life. You can do this for you, and for no one else.

I love you, you love me. But I am codependant with my mother. I enable her bad behavior. Although I love you, I was VERY unhappy with the sex. Why do I keep settling for less than I deserve? You should have been doing everything you could to satisfy my needs in bed, and you didn't. How do you not know that you're a bad lover? How are you not aware? Not only did you not like going down on me, you didn't like it when I went down on you. You said you preferred vaginal sex.

The single time we had anal sex, you said "don't be offended, but I need to take a shower now." You are quirky. Outside of the bedroom I loved your quirkiness. But inside the bedroom, I coudn't pinch your nipples because they are sensitive, I couldn't scratch your skin when having sex again because you have sensitive skin. I couldn't rub your testacles when going down on you because that tickled you.

Outside the bedroom, our compatibility is through the roof. I had no complaints. We made an awesome team. This break up isn't because of anything or I did, its because of my mother's disapproval of you because of race. You bowed out of my life because you don't want to be responsible for breaking up a family. You said you aren't gong anywhere, you are here for me. And I know logically that loves doesn't just disappear after a break up. It takes time to fall out of love with someone, just like it takes time to fall IN love with them.

I really feel like you will be back after I move out. But I really thought I would have heard from you by now since Sunday. I feel like a child that not hearing from you for four days is hurting me like this. But like I said to you, you became my best friend. I loved talking to you every night. I loved spending my weekends with you.

If we don't reconcile, I think it will be because it wasn't meant to be because of our sexual incompatibility. That's the only problem we had, aside from my mother, who shouldn't even be an issue. You weren't dating her, you were dating me.

I am stronger than I realize. I can do this. I can move out and make it on my own, taking care of my son. I'm in school working on my Bachelor's. I'm doing volunteer work to make a difference in the world. I have surrounded myself with a great support system in my friends.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger. This is just another prong on the ladder to my strength.

I forgot to post yesterday, so I'm at day 4. Day 4 of no contact.

I screwed up. He texted me last Thursday to see how my day went. It was just light texting We went from texting several times and talking for an hour every single day, to polite texting.

I texted him Saturday to ask why he didn't offer alternatives to our break up. Then I texted him Sunday to ask for reassurance that he's not going anywhere (he just told me 9 days ago he's not gonig anywhere, but 5 days later I needed reassurance). He wouldn't give me the reassurance. At least the reason why seems noble. He said something like

You don't need reassurance you want it. There's a strong woman hiding inside of you. Dont' let a man, family or friends keep her locked up inside. Reassurance will not help you.

That was the last I heard from him. I replied to his text saying I don't expect to hear back, but don't close the door on us and our future.

I really thought I would have heard from him by now.

If I hadn't texted him Saturday and Sunday he probably would have kept up the light texting every few days. Now I haven't heard from him since I last reached out to him. He last reached out to me a week ago. Part of me feels like if he can't be in my life the way I want him to be, I don't want him to be in it at all.

Last Tuesday he said he wasn't turning his back on me, that he's not going anywhere, and he's here if I need him. I told him Saturday I need him in my life emotionally, and he said he can't be there. Isn't that turning his back?

I understand, but I don't. The mature, adult part of me feels like he is pushing me to be a better person, to stand on my own. The childish side feels like I'm being abandoned when I need him most.

Day 2 no contact. And I'm only fooling myself. I'm not contacting him to remain strong. But if he contacts me, I will reply. This isn't a game, or a strategy. It's a shame, the only time I get into therapy is when I'm going through touch romantic times. I need therapy for me, not to get through a break up.

I fool myself into thinking I"m so strong, but if I was I wouldn't want to act out like a child.

He has said we can't be together under our current circumstances. He has said he's here for me, and he's not turning his back on me. He just said Thursday he loves me. Love does't just end when a relationship ends. I got him to admit a week ago that he will never find another woman like me. We both know it. I was amazing.

But I have to get my life in order. And I have to do that for me. Not for him or for us, but for me.

I unfriended him on FB the day he broke up with me. This weekend I blocked him. I unblocked him because I'm being childish. But I won't send him a new friend request. He said he needs emotional space. I can give that to him.

I need to focus on me and my son.

Day one no contact. I've decided I'm taking this time to once again focus on me. You turned your back on me when I needed you most, now I have to do what is best for me. If you contact me I won't reply. No one gets to decide what's best for more and no one gets to turn their back then expect me to wait around. I'm taking my life back.

Day 0 no contact. I don't know what I'll do or say when he inevitably reaches out. But I need to get back to no contact so I can focus on me. This is the healthiest I've ever been in a relationship, and we broke up due to external circumstances.

Oh who am I fooling? If I was as healthy as I'd like to be I wouldn't be living with my mom taking her emotional abuse.

He needs the emotional separation for him but has been doing light contact. This is killing me. We went from daily hour long talks and seeing each other 24 hours on the weekends to hi how are you every two days.

Love sucks.

I thought of texting him today, typed the text out and everything, to see if he was up for friendship, but I know that's wrong, so didn't send it.

The weekend is almost here.

I'm really enjoying getting to know the new guy. E wanted to tell me he loved me a little before a month of dating and I stopped him. I told him he didn't even know me. R and I are taking things slow. And I really like it. He seems like a good guy, but I'm not jumping the gun. I'm going with the flow and enjoying a normal paced relationship.

Forgot to post yesterday (busy Monday) so I"m posting for both days.

I thought of him yesterday. But I also reminded myself how unhappy I was with him. I loved him, but I wasn't happy.

Happy Saturday

Maybe I broke contact so I can keep posting in this thread longer!

Anyway,stick to NC until you stop hurting.

Here's something I told myself: It took me a while to get to know my ex. It's going to take a while to unknow him (you know what I mean) . Stick to NC, and slowly but surely you'll heal. And you WILL find what you deserve with another man. Your ex is not the only man out there for you!

Don't apologize. It's just a reason to stay in contact. Go no contact. Send him his stuff when he returns, but do not contact him.

You can write a very short note when you mail him his stuff apologizing. I did that with my ex. I said "Sorry for saying you never gave me anything. You and I both know that's not true. Take care." (I asked him for shirts back that I bought him, and said "You never gave me anything." I later mailed them back to him with a short letter.

You need to remain in no contact until you are healed. And then, once you are healed, you probably won't want to contact them anymore.

So, yesterday was day 37, but I contacted him, so I only technically made it to day 36.

I was in the shower at the gym after my workout when I noticed two small, but noticeable, red dots on my body. I dried off and was putting my bra on when I saw 5 that were even smaller than the 2 noticeable ones. It totally freaked me out. I texted the ex because he is an RN. As I'm in the middle of typing the text, my current bf calls. Seriously, there are 24 hours in a day, what are the chances that as I'm in the middle of typing the ex, the new guy calls? (My new bf usually calls after 8, and I was typing this text around 6:30). It was seriously like magic....(I know it was merely coincidence, but a very odd one at that...like the universe was saying focus on the new guy and let the old guy go).

Anyway, the ex asked me a few questions about the dots, I answered, and he said it doesn't sound like anything major (he listed a few things), I thanked him and said I no longer was freaking out and he said NP. End of conversation.

I felt a slight twinge, but realize that we are both each other's past. I didn't look for an excuse to text him, I was seriously freaking out when I saw these red dots on my body. I didn't use this as an excuse to ask him how he is or open the door. Once I thanked him, I stopped contacting, and today begins day 1 again.

However, based on the fact I didn't feel pain after our text, I'm not sure if I'll keep counting. LOL (But I admit I kinda like coming here to post and read others' posts).

Day 37

Day 37

Day 37

Day 37

:star:

I typed him an email today, but did not send it. I want to open the lines of communication, but not the door to reconciliation. But then I asked myself why I want to communicate. Not to mention any attempt to communiate will either be seen as an attempt to get back together, or manipulate him.

So, I deleted the email. There's no reason to communicate. He is my past. He was a beautiful part of my past, but my past nonetheless. He became my best friend, but that time in my life is over.

I hope he is well. I hope he is healing, from his wife, and from me. And I hope he is becoming more confident. I can imagine him, down the road, smiling, happy, with another woman by his side, loving him and taking care of him. I hope he finds that.

You deserve that E. You deserve a life filled with beauty, harmony, and boatloads of happiness!