t1lersm0m1

UGH, so I'm the adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA), and in the Big Red Book, it says I shouldn't date for a year. LOL...well I've been going to ACoA meetings about as long as I've been no contact, so here's to a year of being single and working on me!

That's all.....33 days

Nothing further to say

Day 31

Stay strong....NC works to get yourself back.

Woo hoo! I feel so good. In the initial break up, we were remaining friends. He needed time to "think". This was causing me tremendous anxiety. After about a week of not hearing from him, I would call or text and act insecure. I'm working on getting ME back. Making it to day 30 feels wonderful. A huge accomplishment.

I didn't do any of this to get him back. Deep down I wasn't happy in our relationship. My ex was/is a WONDERFUL man. Just not the right fit.

I'm working on me. And through growth, I will be better for my next partner.

Woo hoo, tomorrow will be day 30. I have 17 problems lying between me and finishing my awful statistics class. I have one assignment left for my easy Philosophy class. I'm going to do a load of laundry tonight and one tomorrow. I may drop a class that's coming up in July.

I love my new life.

Four weeks ago today we ended our relationship for good. Remaining friends and "seeing where it goes" wasn't working for me, it was hurting me, so we ended it and have been in no contact ever since.

The day we broke up (April 15), I asked him if he thought he would find another woman like me, and he said no. I don't know if he was just saying it to be nice, but honestly, he will not find another woman like me. I was wonderful to him.

I am staying single for at least 90 days to work on myself, so I will continue posting here after Friday, when I reach day 30.

Awesome job!! You're on your way to true happiness!

 

Thanks!

 

I have actually wondered if everyone doing this challenge was guaranteed that their ex would definetely want them back, or contact them if they finished the entire 30 days...if it would be any easier to stick to? Im guessing it still wouldn't, but I bet more people would. I guess everyone needs to have hope..and if it makes someone get through something that much easier, then let them have it. Im all about being realistic and not giving someone false hope, but who am I to crush that hope? I am believer that sometimes things do work out....but most of the time it takes lots of positive change and yes...a positive attitude that it will.

 

Hope everyone is doing well..

 

For me, in the past, my inability to maintain no contact was my anxiety. I have abandonment issues. I've come a long way. But before I knew I had abandonment issues, I could not control my anxiety. It sounds simple, "Don't text him, call him, drive to his house, etc". That sounds so simple. But when my abandonment issues would kick into high gear, I could not control my actions. It sounds sad, but I was like an alcoholic trying to quit drinking.

 

I've come a long way. I still have work to do, but I've made improvement. But with my abandonment issues, if I was guaranteed my ex would come back if I stayed in strict no contact, I think back then it would have been easier.

 

There's a saying I read on Facebook, and I love it. "I never lose, I only win or learn."

 

I truly think if things are meant to be, love will find a way. If they aren't meant to be, we will find someone else, and that someone else will be even better, because from every broken relationship in our past, we learn something. For me, each man sets the bar higher for the next man. I used to date manipulative losers.....my last three boyfriends were great men who treated me the way a woman deserves to be treated.

 

I know your question was a general question, but wanted to answer. I think everyone has their coping skills. If having hope is how someone copes, then they should have hope. If reading ENA 3 hours a day helps someone cope, then read ENA 3 hours a day. Each person has to decide what works for them.

 

But, I truly believe in No Contact. There are people that rationalize contact. They somehow think their ex will forget them if they are absent from their lives. If an ex moves on quickly, is that someone you really want anyway? I know I wouldn't. If my ex picked up two weeks after our break up and had a new girlfriend, then logically I would no longer want him.

4 weeks tomorrow

I love that I have to find my last post to know what day I'm at. Wednesday will be four weeks. Friday will be 30 days. Not trying to wish my life away...I'm having a great summer so far. I'm visiting lots of city/state parks and spending time outdoors playing with my DSLR.

I'm joining Overeater's Anonymous tonight. I'm disgusted by my body. I'm so tired of treating it like this. I gain weight in every break up. I eventually lose it again, but I'm tired of yo-yo'ing. I want to get to a healthy, happy weight, and not hate my body.

...and I feel fine! (I think that's the line to a song...not the 25, but the I feel fine).

The days are going by more quickly. I'm spending less time on ENA. I usually spend quite a bit of time here daily. Not as much the past few days. I become obsessed with ENA in a break up. Right now I'm obsessed with working on ME. I'm learning, and growing, and I will be better when the next wonderful man comes into my life.

7 days til Day 30, 67 days until day 90. I'm working on getting "ME" back. I want to be the best me possible. I want to heal old wounds, and not from the break up, but from my past. This is MY time.

I had today off, but didn't get as much done as I wanted. Right now I'm watching episodes from the third season of Scandal. Rich and I watched the first two seasons at his house on Netflix. Now I'm watching the third season alone, as a single woman.

YAY to healing. I feel better with each passing day. And I am working on becoming the best me possible.

April 13 - you asked for time to think

April 15 - you said you can't see how we can be together while I live with my Mom

May 18 - I tell you I'm moving and want to hang out Memorial Day weekend - you tell me you don't know me like you thought you did and can't go back to where we were, you want to be friends and see how it goes

May 28 - this is killing me, being friends when I want more, we close the door to reconciliation so I can heal and focus on me

May 29 starts Day 1 NC - today I am on Day 21 NC.

I am healing, not from the loss of you, but from the loss of my childhood due to abuse and alcoholism. I am working on me.

This journey began 2 years ago when I lost Bill. I thought I had "fixed myself" by working on my self-esteem. Then with my break up with Erik, I realized through someone's wisdom on ENA that I have abandonment issues. I worked on those and feel so much better about how I react in a break up, but still have work to do. Someone else on ENA told me about ACoA, and I'm so happy I found that program, and a group in a nearby big city. I finally feel like I have a guide to help me heal my past and work on becoming the best me possible.

That happened to me in 2012 when I went through the first break up with a good guy since my ex husband (I dated a lot of losers before the first good guy).

I would fall asleep a few hours, then wake up and be wide awake for several hours. I found Melatonin. It's over the counter. It's relatively inexpensive. I'd try starting with 1 mg and see if that helps, if not, try 3 mg.

Day 16 NC I cannot wait until I stop waking up in the middle of the night in a panic. I am not sleeping well. As soon as I wake up, I think of him. I try to stop myself and go back to sleep but it takes me way to long to fall back to sleep. Then I have to wake up again and feel the same panic. OH PLEASE STOP!!!

 

I called a therapist today, finally.

3 weeks tomorrow we ended our relationship for good. He wanted to "be friends and see what happens." He didn't feel he "knew me as well as he thought he did." Being friends was killing me. I'd go over a week without hearing from him, and it was making me anxious. I still think of him, but I'm no longer anxious. So we broke it off for good three weeks tomorrow.

20 days. I'm focused on school and spending time outdoors on the weekend. I'm currently in three classes, plus working full time, plus raising my 16 year old son alone, plus doing volunteer work. Thank goodness my Statistics class ends in a week. It's literally killing me. He gives a 50 problem homework assignment weekly. One week it took me six hours, this week it took me eight hours.

I'm so grateful someone on ENA told me about Adult Children of Alcoholics. I feel like I was drowning and someone threw me a life vest. I could never understand why I acted/felt the way I did. Now it all makes sense. And working the 12 Steps will help me improve. I'm reading the Big Red Book through once, and then I will start the 12 Steps.

This is the first time I haven't gone through a difficult break up and tried to find a new man as soon as possible to get me through the last break up. I am waiting at least three months before I start to date again. Hence why I plan on posting here for 90 days.

2 days until 3 weeks....11 days until day 30. 71 days until day 90.

I know I'm doing well when I have to look for my most recent post to know what day I'm on. I hope the next 72 days go like this (I'm working on healing from my past, not from my break up, so plan to post to 90 days. For that time I will not even entertain the idea of dating or a relationship).

I love Sundays as I go to my ACoA meeting Sunday morning. I wish there were more, but there's only one in a 25 mile radius of my home. Plenty of OA meetings, but only one ACoA meeting.

I'm working on me. But I want to start going to OA this week. I keep putting it off as I know I use food for emotional fulfillment. I'm disgusted with my body.

I need to heal my life. I can do this.

Off to bed soon. My fun Saturday nights as a single gal lol.

I look forward to my Sunday AM ACOA meetings. I hate the hour and the distance, but it's truly worth the effort.

Almost let a day pass by without posting. Day 16. More than half way to the 30 days. I must admit I made it through the hardest part...the first week. That was when my anxiety would begin to kick into high gear. I felt powerless, like I couldn't control my actions. I think I I'm finally starting to make progress in healing my past.

If you wanted to talk to me, or ask me how I was doing, you would reach out. You haven't done that.

I feel meaningless. I hate feeling meaningless. How can you break up with me over something that has ZERo to do with how you and I felt about one another or treated one another?

IDK - I hate love.

If you loved me the way I deserved to be loved, you would still be in my life. You wouldn't have broken up with me for something that was completely out of my control.

I don't know, I blame my mom for our break up, but truth is, you were responsible for your own actions. Yes, you are a grown man, and must do what you feel is best for you, but you once thought I was good for you.

I know I'm in denial. You had your own issues, I realized that slightly while we were together and then after the break up you told me something you never told me when we were together which made things so much clearer....so much more clarity.

Yes, I should have moved out in December, but I didn't. I moved out now. And yet, we are not together.

Let go, let God. I'm not very religious, but I am spiritual. I need to learn to let go, let God. If we were meant to be together, we would be together. I wouldn't be posting on a message board about going 14 days with no contact.

Let go, let God.

Two weeks tomorrow we exited one another's lives. I know in my heart reconciliation is not something either of us should want. I will remain strong, and remain in NC.

I hope you are well.

Your puppy sounds adorable. I wish I had gotten an apartment that allows pets. oh well, I hope to buy a house in a year or two.

Yes, I echo your sentiments....Thank God for this forum.

Day 2:

 

I felt weak last night...but I recently got my new puppy, and she's keeping me distracted. She gives me cuddles and she's so sweet! I found out she likes to sleep on her back..it's sooo cute. She's a basset hound puppy..but she sleeps a LOt. Must be all that chewing in stuff that wears her out! Lol

 

Anyway...it's still early on. I gotta get through the first week or so and I think I'll be much better.

Thank God for this forum.