Missy38

Hiya, thanks for your posts. Double D, hang in there. Hope things are ok for you??? I can only say that from my experience having contact hurts far more than not. I am still up & down but at least with no contact I can have a few more up times. Today is a particularly bad day & I'm not sure why????? had a good week generally last week. I even thought at one point that I might be over him! Then this weekend it all turned around, & I began thinking about him, wanting to contact him, wondering who he was with...etc etc ! thought I was going insane. Then last night I got all tearful again. I just wished that he was still with me & that I was settling down & having children with him! Oh well as its not possible I have to try to hold on to that hope that it will happen to me & I am trying so hard to let him go. DragonGirl724 thanks I really do hope I will have the life I want eventually. As the clock ticks I'm getting a bit anxious & wondering why it didn't happen to me sooner & why I'm surrounded by people who have all of that? It gets to you when you're hearing of endless weddings, new births etc! I'm happy for others don't get me wrong, but also a bit jealous! & I know that's bad but I so want to be in their shoes. ...One day...lol!

Hiya & thanks for your post StandTall, I feel for you too. I didn't for one minute when I met my ex think that it'd be a problem for us in the future. But to be honest I was always going on about how he'd run off & leave me for a younger chick in a few years... I didn't really mean it, but I was uncomfortable with the age gap. Still, I loved him so much & I still do. But you are right I do have to go through the pain & no contact is the only way. Some days are so bad at the moment that I don't want to pick myself up. It has only been about 3/4 weeks so I guess it's like coming off a drug. Previous to that we were in contact most days. I understand what you are saying about learning what didn't work for you & I will try to change that. My problem seems to be that I only attract guys so much younger than me I think because I don't look my age. & I have been ok with this in the past, but as you say clearly it doesn't work. I am so miserable today. Maybe tomorrow would be better. Wish I could stop torturing myself thinking that he's with someone else too! I cried last night & felt like my heart was completely broken. Its so weird isn't it, how you can feel so much pain from this???? Anyway, thanks again for you mail, & your advice is very much appreciated. You take care of yourself too & a big hug from me! Missy

Hiya, wasn't sure if I should come back on here again to whinge! But I'm having a bit of a struggle again & I've nowhere to turn. I'm still really cut up about my ex, but at least we've had virtually no contact for 3 weeks. I still think about him most of the time & I'm still jealous of his new thing that he's got going on. It seems so unfair that he's got all! I know I'm sounding pathetic & sorry for myself again but I do feel quite low. I've met a few guys lately but they've treated me with no respect & I've basically been hurt again. What am I doing wrong??? Is it that maybe I need to give myself space from men for a bit? maybe I'm being too needy without realising it. Since the age of 18 I've always been in a relationship, maybe I'm scared to be alone? I am sick of going to bed feeling bad & thinking of my ex & wondering if he's with his new girlfriend. & waking up thinking of him. I am cross with myself for being so silly & I do try to stop the thoughts but I am having difficultly. I can't understand why my heart still aches for someone who clearly has no regard for me. Help! Missy

Hi, I'm back again & feeling at that desperate state. Not eating, sleeping, smoking loads, drinking loads & obsessing about my ex. He's told me that he likes someone & basically I now know for sure that he's moved on. Ok, I know that I should be picking myself up & saying so what, but right at this moment I can't. It sounds silly to say that I'm unable to concentrate on anything, & I'm obsessing about this girl who will of course be younger than me & probably more gorgeous. I know that all my feeling are irrational at the moment but I can't stop em. I feel physically sick & last night I'd just had enough.

Ooops! having a really low day again today. Got the urge to contact him but coming on here instead. Am feelling really deflated & sorry for myself. I've just so had enough! At lunch I was walking aorund town & all I saw were mums & babys' , or really attractive young girls! I just feel like a blob & cannot get that confidence back. I know this self pity is selfish & silly but I can't help it. I am so fed up. Sorry!!!! At the moment I just can't see how I can pick myself up, mend this aching heart & get a life again.

Hi Lisaria, That is so kind of you. I'm working at the mo & having a hard day but reading your post has put a little smile on my face. Thanks so much & I hope that you're ok too. As you say we will get through this as difficult as it seems right now. I will defintiely come on here if I ever get that urge to contact him. Thanks again. Missy

Hiya, & thanks lisaria for your post. To be truthful, I had a lapse at the weekend & sunk pretty low?????? It has been so weird because since we split I have know where he is almost constantly. He keeps me informed of his every movement. But enough is enough, because its now making me feel ill. & whether he's got anyone else, that I do not know. We would all like to think that they haven't. If I'm honest I don't really think he has which is why all the contact. But then you know that as soon as they do you'll be dropped like a hot cake! & waiting for that ain't any fun at all! It hurts but I know that he just didn't love me enough to put what's needed into a relationship. When I met him he had his set routines & although he broke a few for me, it seemed like a chore for him. He had pretty much never had a long relationship before me, preferring to always be doing his own thing - he does a lot of sports activities & this takes up a lot of his time. Anyway, I'm a bit low today but I am so going to try & get a grip & be stronger. I realise that there are so many more important things in life to be worrying about, but this just seems huge at the moment. Been having loads of disturbing dreams too, so I can't even escape when I'm asleep. But I have taken note of all the advice I have been given & will try so hard to act on it. I am battling hardest with the fact that all my friends are at places where I wanted to be. & I get this kind of sympathy thing going on with them. It might sound sad but at the moment I'd love nothing more than to simply be loved & to love someone back & feel content & secure????!!!!! - obviously I'd love to have had it with him, but ok so moving on, maybe one day I can have it again. Thanks again for all your support

Hi, & thanks for all your latest posts, I do understand what you mean about opening wounds. A friend of mine recently said just that to me, but I haven't even been honest with most of my friends about the amount of contact because I know that they would be disappointed with me. I am on here now writing to you because of just that. The fact that I have hidden things from my friends because I can't bear to let them know how weak I've been! But I'm also here because it is getting serious. Sometimes I've found myself obsessing so much that I've thought I really don't want this anymore. & its not even been in a distraught, panicky way or anything just exhausted & tired & ready to give up. & these moods have worried me. So I thought about the person I used to be & the person I've become, & I realised that enough is enough, I have to try harder. So thank you all for your posts, it really does help to get your opinions even if harsh - honestly. & thanks radicalguru, I will try to look at myself & smile & love myself! that is fab. & fantasia2004, I am going to have a go with changing my outlook, which I have tried to do in the past but given up almost immediately. Isn't it mad how just one person can have such an effect on you. I have been feeling like I'm going insane lately & have had a constant nervy feeling in my stomach which has been getting worse! I need to calm down right?!!!

Hi guys, Thanks so much for the advice. I will buy myself a journal & give it a go. It can only help. I couldn't feel lower at the mo. What a sap I am! I do realise that, & yet I've done nothing positive about it cos I haven't the strength!!!! So thanks again for your replies, I will take heed & see how it goes

Help, I really do not know what to do with myself. I split from my ex about 10 months ago & I am still miserable. Don't get me wrong, I am surviving but that seems to be it. I'm still not happy & not enjoying life. I'm wondering if it's the end of the line for me as I'm 39 years old, & having finished a 10 year relationship to move on & really find happiness, I met my ex & thought that it had all been worth it! I was so happy & he was the first guy I really felt that I'd be able to spent the rest of my life with. As it turned out, he obviously thought differently & finished with me. He said we were at different stages & I guess he was right - he was 10 years younger than me. I must have been stupid to thnk it would have lasted but was head over heels. So when we split not only did I feel gutted that I'd lost my best friend, lover, soulmate etc! but also that any chances of spending the rest of my life with someone & maybe settling down & having kids too was lost. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I have been through all the months of crying & pining, & staying in. Then I slowly started picking myself up & going out a bit. People were always telling me that time was the best healer, & so I listened & hoped. & I have also dated a few guys, but to be honest have not been keen on any of them. My life now feels as though I'm just going through the motions & with everything I am still unable to forget my ex. I still love him..urghh! & pine for him & still cannot see myself without him????? I know its pretty sad but I am as miserable as sin & just wish I could find a way of snapping out of it. One thing I should mention is that we've never taken the course of no contact! maybe this has been my mistake? But I could never seem to stick to it. Initially after the break-up when I chased him & realised what an idiot I was being, I stopped & then he started contacting me. After a while I decided it was too painful & said it would be best if we didn't contact each other. He didn't understand as he said he felt that we could be friends!? but then said he repected my wishes. Then about a week later he contacted me & then asked if we could meet. So I agreed - weak or what! & we had a lovely time but he didn't want me back. & it's been the same ever since. The contact has been pretty much daily, but whilst for him its a case of chatting to a friend, for me although its good its like painful in a way because I still hold a torch for him. There have been loads of mixed messages from him but I know now that he says stuff without thinking. Anyway, if anyone can help cos I'm having a bad day & I really don't know how I can pick myself up! I don't want to keep feeling like my lifes over???!!! thanks