Hello everyone, this is my first post. Today marks my 12 days of NC. Even though we have not broken up yet, but things have been really rough, and I had to ask for the 30 day break to stop myself from going crazy. I tried very hard to save the relationship but I realized that during this period, I became needy, crazy, and desperate. I finally saw myself as not stable, emotionally hurt by what has happened, which caused me to be in a very insecure situation. I requested for the 30 day break from the relationship. It has to be done for my own personal health.
I initiated the 30 day break because keeping in touch has become pain. He's been neglecting me, doing minimal work to maintain our relationship, I've been completely opposite, not neglecting him back, but push harder for us to work together, you name it, counseling, scheduling dates, being there for him, eventually one day he told me that he's taking me for granted and that he's not as interested in me as he used to be. When I heard this, I wanted to break up, but he didn't want to, so we settled with middle ground and that is the 30 day break.
I don't know how many couples go through a 30 day break and come back together with success, regardless of the statistics, my only hope is whatever the outcome is, I hope it is for the best.
12 days without any contact, it's been very tough. Everywhere I go, I see us, the memory of us doing everything together, how could he not want to bring that back, how could he ask me to move out, and now we are apart. Doesn't he enjoy coming home to a fresh home made dinner? Oh gosh, today I'm staying at my friend's house, those laughter coming from the living room of a couple that live here. This reminds me of us again.
But think clearly Jen! Think using your head and not your heart. What are the benefits if he contacts you while you are like this? You have to learn to live without him, he already said he's taking you for granted, he already said he's not as interested in you as he used to be. He's not happy around you as much. He's not that in love with you anymore.
What can you do? Nothing! You cannot run to his house and ask for confirmation that he's going to come back, you cannot call him, you cannot text, define the results, what are they if you do the following? Ok, if I do the following then these happen:
* We end up talking, he may not want to see you again, leave you in limbo
* We end up talking, he may ask you for a date, and then call you whenever he needs to
* We end up talking, you give him the ultimatum, either he takes you back in the house or we break up
* We end up talking, make up sex, and then back to the painful routine of waiting for him to call again
* We end up talking, he is willing to take you back in the house, but he won't be happy because this is not what he wants
Basically, initiating contact is opening up the wound, not just a little bit, but quite larger. Damaging it some more, eventually, will lead to more depression for me.
Come on Jen! What's there to wonder anymore, he's become different, he's pulled away, he doesn't trust you anymore. He asked you to move out, he's been operating on his own, neglecting you, you are no longer his number one. Yes, as harsh it sounds, like a knife stabbing in your heart, his love has changed for you, the question is, can you live like this? Of course not...