lto79

That's really good advice, thanks.

The stuff about her past was not intimate, just about friends/relatives that I didn't know went on because I wasn't around and I guess it is no longer relevant. When I got home yesterday she wanted to check her Inbox straight away expecting a reply, which kinda annoyed me, but she wanted me to read the message with her. I said I didn't want to, and left her to reply. I did this for me and her, I wanted her to feel that I can trust her I wanted myself to believe that I can trust her. I think I do, at least more than I did yesterday. I know he has replied again this morning although I haven't read it (My g/f always checks her e-mails in the morning and he seems to reply as soon as he gets into work). The thing is it just really hurts, and I can't understand why? My brain is saying don't worry but my heart is hurting like hell. And the funniest thing was I left my mobile at home yesterday evening as I went to football and when I got back I found out that my g/f had gone through all messages! Not that I have anything in them, as I only get txts from my g/f and my mates (all male). And then she says that she is worried about me cheating on her (I know her ex did that to her - which pisses me off even more that he's all sweetness and kind to her now!). I dunno, I just would never want to stay in contact with an ex but then I've always been a bit different.

Thanks for those replies. I think your absolutely right that this is something todo with me. It wouldn't matter who I was with, but anything like that and I would feel exactly the same. I was going to start the thread in the emotions and feelings forum for that reason. I guess I can't see myself changing or ever feeling comfortable with a long-term relationship. When we first started going out, when there wasn't much at stake I felt ok about her past, as it had nothing todo with me. But now I feel like I have so much to lose that the only way I sometimes feel how to keep it is by forcing someone to stay with me by getting them to prove their love and affection. It's not healthy. I know that. But it doesn't stop me from doing it. In fact I feel like my g/f does this to me, but I try not to put her into that position to feel like she has to (i.e. by showing her affection/not flirt/be honest etc...). I realise I've done something wrong here by snooping, it was stupid of me and I knew that it would not solve anything no matter what I found. The question is, do I tell my g/f that I have done it? She won't be able to find out as I was able to mark the message as 'unread', and I have a feeling it would be taken all wrong and damage our relationship and her self-esteem for something that's not her fault. I'm usually too honest with my g/f, but this time I can't seem to be. It's ironic that I may be looking for damage to my trust in her when I'm damaging the trust she has in me...

I'm having a weird time of it at the moment, and just wanted any advice/comments on how I am reacting. Bascially I know that I have a problem with jealousy and trust, but just as I thought I had progressed into a more relaxed state of mind my g/f told me yesterday that she had received an e-mail from her ex. Nothing too bad (they broke-up about a year ago) was said int he e-mail, he just wanted to stay in contact to see how she was and how her family were getting on. She showed me the message and I was really glad that she told me, but I started to wonder what would happen if she replied and they started getting the whole 'back and forth' thing with the e-mails, when would it ever stop? I then did something I didn't want to do, but this morning I logged into my g/f's mailbox and read the reply that her ex had sent her. I knew that I was doing something that I didn't want to do, and that no good would come of it, but I just couldn't help it. It wasn't all that bad, in fact it was quite a 'friendly' message except for things that I didn't know about in her past that she hasn't told me about yet. The thing is I am really shaky now, and feel like my g/f is cheating on me (although I know that she isn't) and I can't excape this depression like feeling. It's almost like I want to hate her, and I feel jealous and worried. I know I shouldn't let these feelings overtake me, but they are so hard to control. How can I learn to trust my g/f and feel comfortable in our relationship? At the moment I feel like I don't want to be in a relationship because of how I feel over these things, and how unhappy they make me feel. When I was single I never felt like this. I was hurt in the past, although I never thought it would continue to affect me. I honestly love my g/f, with all my heart and I try so hard to not make her unhappy about anything, but when I get these emotions it's hard to be anything but selfish and spiteful.