When I first met my boyfriend I thought I had met the man with whom I would spend the rest of my life. From the beginning, he pursued me relentlessly, made it VERY clear that he was looking for a relationship, not a friend, and seemed to want to spend all his free time with me. As things progressed, he was the first to say "I love you", to say that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, to talk marriage, and generally move the relationship forward at every step (this all happened rather quickly--over just a few months). I cannot imagine having more in common, or being more well-suited to someone than we are to each other. We have a remarkable connection that seems to have bonded us to one another from the beginning.
The only problem we seem to have, and I mean THE ONLY one, is sex. From the beginning it was never crazy, passionate, lustful sex. He would get somewhat aroused, but oftentimes (usually after he was sure I had been satisfied) he would lose his erection and have to stop and masturbate for awhile in order to get hard again and continue. Other times, he wouldn't be able to get erect at all, and sometimes, even when he was still hard, if I had been satisfied, he would pull out and stop, not wanting to finish (or he would masturbate). Other times he can stay hard, but no matter how long we seem to have sex, he can't orgasm.
Because everything else was so good, I ignored this, and figured it must just be his own sexual issue. But then one day he finally brought it up as bothering him. It has been an extremely difficult few months as we grapple with the fact that EVERYTHING else is so wonderful, and we can't seem to conquer this issue. The anger and frustration is building for both of us, although he has taken it especially hard. I have asked him if he feels like I'm just a "friend", and he's trying very hard to make it something more, but he says that isn't it at all, that I've always been more than a friend, and he says (often through tears) that I'm his soul mate and that I'm the only one on earth who really knows him.
He explains it as me not being the usual "Type" of woman that he is attracted to or has dated in the past. He keeps using phrases like "it's just how I'm wired" and "I'm programmed a certain way" to explain that he doesn't feel he will ever be physically passionate about me. He says he just isn't getting aroused and excited the way he feels he should.
He says he doesn't find me unatrractive, loves me, wants this to work etc. However, I'm beginning to wonder how it's possible--if he's straight--he could be so in love with me as to want to marry me, not find me ugly, and yet not be able to get aroused enough to have sex with me.
Besides the sexual issue, there are numerous other small things...none of them is enough to say "gay" on their own necessarily, but there are so many I feel it's too many to be a conincidence. For example, he shaves his entire body (arms too), works out every single day, lifting weights and chiseling his body to perfection, is a clean/neat freak, meticulously groomed, is constantly straightening and sprucing me/ my clothes up, always adjusting lighting and rearranging furniture to improve the "atmosphere" etc, he has almost never made any comments about my physical appearance specifically--no t&a comments as many straight men would make.
His parents are quite religious (although he is a confirmed atheist) and he does care about them a lot, and feels responsible for their care. Both his siblings (younger) are married and live out of town. He has always been the one child they hoped would settle down and live a happy life (as his siblings do not have great relationships). I'm sure his parents would not accept a gay son. Not to mention we live in a relatively small town, where he has lived his whole life, and knows everyone.
If anyone can help me, please give me some advice. I'm sorry for this long post, but I'm desperate!!!! I have two questions: 1) do you think he sounds gay? and 2) if he does sound gay, what do I do? Do I confront him with my suspicions? I'm quite sure if I did, he'd deny it. I think it's something he's not even fully aware of himself (if it's true). Please help me. Thank you.
