ok so heres the situation:
since i can be very anonymous here im going to tell you the FULL story....
about 9 months ago i met an amazing girl (girl1). the initial problem was that she was about 3 hours away (highway distance) from me. but i persevered and decided that i was going to be able to do it. we spoke on the phone alot and the conversations were always fun or deep. as time went by i liked her more and more. she ended up coming out to me the next 2 weekends. the first weekend she came was not exclusively for me. she came to see her cousins (prior engagement), but we hung out nonetheless. the second weekend was meant for me. then a week later i met another girl (girl2). she lives about 15 minutes away from me. a week later than that i went to girl1's house for the weekend. we had a awesome weekend. i felt like we really had something real and that we were on the same wavelength. after that weekend i started to see what girl2 was about. she was just as cool as girl1. girl1 was very attractive, but i would say girl2 was even more attractive. however, i felt closer to girl1. as the weeks went by i found myself seeing girl2 more than girl1, just because of distance. i started to feel close to girl2.
so here i am juggling 2 relationships at once (a boy's dream). and being pissed at myself because its totally unfair to both of them. i had to make a choice. but who?
girl1: bigger age-gap (me-22; her-17)
long distance (3 hours driving)
hot
larger feelings of closeness (because of longer relationship)
girl2: smaller age-gap (me-22; her 19)
shorter distance (15 minutes)
hotter
some feelings of closeness (relatively shorter relationship)
i didnt know what to do so i chose the more "practical" one. girl2 was closer distance-wise, closer in age, hotter, and i had feelings for her. so i chose girl2. i felt that girl1 might not have finished her "growing up" since she was only 17. so my relationship with girl1 started to fade, since i made myself exclusive to girl2. i ended up calling her less...etc...
note: girl1 and girl2 did not know of each other.
my relationship with girl2 ended by the realization that she was very immature and did not know how to handle a real relationship. ironically, these were the attributes i had accused of girl1.
i then flew to europe to go to school for 2 years. that is where i am now. it has been a couple of months and i found myself thinking about girl1 again. so i called her. we had a long and great conversation. i had a very busy schedule so i didnt get to call her again until a month later. another great conversation. that was about 2 weeks ago.
then something happened.......i looked at her profile on aol, just because i was curious and i found a link to her online journal!! so im thinking..."should i read it???" i couldnt hold myself back.....i was just so curious about what she wrote about our relationship 9 months ago. she only had great things to say about me.
i also saw an entry near the time of my first call to her about a month and a half ago. she spoke of me as an "old flame" that faded because of our distance and age. this WAS mainly the reason..... reading some of her other entries, i confirmed that she is a deep person. and despite her age, she can handle a mature relationship.
note: she is now 18 and i am now 23.
i wish i would have chosen emotionally instead of practically when i had the chance. ive never had any regrets in my life, but this feels like its shaping up to be one. its not a good feeling. i really feel like it would work between us. now the main problem is im in europe and shes in the US (alot longer than a 3 hour drive) so its hard to do any real maneuvering (sp?)...but i dont want there to be a chance that she will go out with someone else and ill lose her forever... im going back to the US to visit in 2 and a half months and i want to see her...should i? what do i do???
reply please.
~torn
