Neil123
-
Posts
139 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by Neil123
-
She's in my friendship group. She'd be hanging with the same people. I just can't risk bumping into her, it'd be a disaster.
-
Day 1 Attempt 2 I haven't contacted her directly but there has been so much indirect contact that it's ridiculous. I don't feel like i'm on day 22, it feels like day 1. Thanks! I haven't spoken to her directly but she found out i'm not going and she started calling me overdramatic etc. Sigh, if i'm not ready, i'm not ready. Sometimes their ego just won't let you win. Anyways my brother was actually really good this time around. He actually ended up in an argument with her and her friend but now I encouraged him to sort it out. So do I message her on her birthday tomorrow? I'm thinking hellll NO. We ended things on pretty good terms, but this whole bestival stunt has really ruined that. I just don't want to look bitter, but I also don't want to look weak. DILEMMA.
-
In this case it's not fair. I have every right to go to the retail shop she works at or even her birthday night which is at a local club, but I'm respecting her space. I don't know why it's seen that people who end a relationship need to be completely out for themselves. What happened to mutual respect? We ended it with a mutual respect of each others right to get over this, but this is just breaking that. So i'm not going anymore. I'm not gonna contact her or argue with her. I don't have the energy for this drama, I know human nature and if I tell her not to go, she'll only go more and i'll look more pathetic when it all blows up. I'm just gonna be the bigger man. On the plus side, I'm really starting to hate her. Only a good thing.
-
Oh dear god, I just found out that her best friend (my friend as well) is convincing her to go and she's considering it. Seriously what the hell? I'm not ready for the this...how the hell can she be? This is just insensitive and selfish of her. Seriously angry now. Anybody know how to approach this? How can I stop her going without looking too weak?
-
So up and down. My brother told me she text him last night saying that she's angry at life in general right now so I was hoping she was missing me. Then today i've been feeling like I want her back all day and been thinking either I'm calling her soon, or I ride out the next few weeks and call her. But I was def leaning towards calling her at some point. Anyways so i took my bro's phone and read the texts (ridic i know) and a bit earlier than the angry text she had said that she could no longer go to a big music festival in 2 weeks as she found out I was going. So now i've realised that's she angry at life because i'm going to the festival and probably not because she misses me (although wishful thinking means it could be both). Sigh, now I just feel guilty and like it's just really angered her that i'm going. Not feeling great. This breakup sucks.
-
Ha, I reckon me and my ex could have given you a run for your money. It was INCREDIBLE. Wow this totally isn't helping us! Also, i totally smiled when you called us heroes Ok, just take it a day at a time for now. But keep the option of blocking in your mind and consider it. From where i'm standing, it's your best, and maybe only option. Try and prove me wrong.
-
NOOOOOO. Pleaseeee block his number. Enough is seriously enough, do you not see what you're doing to yourself? It's ridiculous and you don't deserve this but you're making it way too easy for him. He doesn't deserve you and now he's being insanely selfish by stringing you along even after the heartbreak. Seriously, i'd never dream of treating an ex like the way he treats you. This is not the man for you. You ARE better than him and you will find a man who is far better than him. Block his number. Maybe don't even say goodbye so he thinks you're ignoring him and he gets the message. Seriously it will suck, but you need to look at the long term. Is this ever going to end and let you move on? It has to get worse to get better, but you need to take that step into the worse, or you'll be here forever. On top of that, i'm not sure this should matter but it always does with us...if his ego needs stroking every day, then you disappearing WILL affect him. It's strange that his g/f can't satisfy his ego on her own.
-
Thanks man. I look forward to that day Seriously not sure whether to send a message to see how she's feeling now. She might not be contacting me because I said I needed NC, but I don't want to get shot down and end up at day 1 again regretting it. Just need to be strong. Ahh she's in my friendship crowd so she knows I haven't moved on. So unfortunately NC for me isn't about being mysterious as she knows everything without having to contact me. It's more just about me actually moving on as I couldn't do that if I were in contact with her. Anyways, it's a process so I just need to ride it through! New start on Monday
-
Great to hear. With me NC has never been broken so it's basically only 3 weeks since the break up and it's been so abrupt, so it's still so fresh. I'm on to day 20 now. The first 15 I made great progress but the last 5 I've gone back to square one. I even cried today for the first time as it all built up. They say you go through stages like denial, anger etc but I just seem to go back and forth the whole time. At the moment I just miss her and want her back as MY girlfriend. I think it's just my ego and possessiveness talking more than actually missing her but even knowing that doesn't help. Just gonna get her birthday out the way on Monday (i'm going to message her, all my friends have said I should) and then hopefully have a new start. Admitting to myself that I do want her back, even though I can't have her, has sort of taken a weight of my shoulders.
-
Lol wow i've backtracked a hell of a lot over the past few days. Been posting on here farrr too much! Starting to wonder if it's good for me. My acceptance is starting to unravel again and i'm hoping again. Need to stop. It's just killing me that she hasn't broken my NC rule to contact me even one. Is she still hurting but just doing it to help me/us? Or is she moving on quicker? How can she go from being madly in love with me and saying that she would have preferred to be with me forever in a bad relationship than ever break up to not contacting me at all?This shouldn't even bother me but it just is. Anyways, tomorrow needs to be a new start. Back to recovery.
-
On top of that...i'm starting to think NC isn't the best idea as I just miss her. It's frustrating me that she hasn't tried to break it once. I suppose I wanted it to upset her (and it did) but she seems to be coping pretty well, although I don't actually know that obviously. What are the advantages and disadvantages of LC? Not sure I'll be able to handle that to be honest. ARGHHHH.
-
Argh. Struggling again. Things would be so much easier if I could just remove her from my life entirely, but she's friends with my brother and my friends. He told me he saw her today when I asked where he'd been and then I just relapsed back to missing her and panic mode. Tempted to call her but what will it achieve? I rationally don't even want her back...SO WHY DO I WANT HER BACK SO BAD? Ha. If I can see she made a mistake by not taking me back after i ended it, then why can't she? But she was a rubbish g/f anyways...eugh.
-
Day 18 Doing ok. These 3 weeks have been really good for me. It's just frustrating as there's so much I want to say to her, but that boat has sailed. I just really hope she has the self-awareness and humility to take her share of the blame for the break up, even though I ended up taking it all. She was always stubborn but who knows. I really don't know why this particular point affects me so much. I'm not taking the advice of talking to or sleeping with other girls yet because for some reason I want to face this break up head on with no distractions. I feel like it'll be harder in the short term, but hopefully old feelings won't come back to haunt me in the future. Just been gyming a lot and reading in preparation for starting work/college in 3 and a half weeks. I've been working out for 5 years now and have always looked good, but after a few weeks of intense training and dieting i'm looking like a cover model Gonna try and keep this up!
-
Ah I forgot to mention that they ARE my friends and have contacted me (texting) in the recent past to ask how I am. But they're her closer friends and I still feel like my agenda is obvious when I call them as it's not what I did before we broke up. I'm just gonna stop and act nonchalant when they contact me. No harm in that. Anyways, welcome! You're in the right place. Just remember, before you do anything silly just come here and ask us first!
-
Ahh not quite so much though. I accidently gave it away I think or maybe i'm too paranoid. When the first one told me she was seeing the girls, I said "which girls?" and she said "you know which girls!" so i looked like I was fishing. The second one said it was funny I changed my profile pic to me with my arm around another girl. I explained that it wasn't to spite my ex, but was in spite of her (it's true). As in I did it because I think I look good and now I can as i'm single and have no g/f to tell me not to, not intentionally to upset her. But she's a bit slow and I think missed my point. She doesn't understand the difference between in spite of and to spite someone so that's what she'll think I said. I didn't ask about her, or talk about her other than that so I have no idea how it will be seen. Ahhh anyways, i'm pleased i've deleted their numbers. This is all silly and isn't helping me move on so enough. Cannot wait until her birthday is out the way on Monday!
-
Why is nobody posting today! Very quiet! I feel like an idiot. I just called one of my ex's closest friends to congratulate her on a new job. I was actually hoping she'd ask about how i'm dealing with it so I can say "i'm absolutely fine and moving on" to get some revenge for her saying that to my brother. She didn't even ask but mentioned that them girls are getting together tonight. So I called another girl who'd be going who i'm friends with to ask how her holiday was, but she didn't ask either. Now i'm scared it's gonna look weird when it comes out tonight that I rang both of em. I need to stop doing this. I think my intentions are too obvious. I've deleted their numbers too now
-
Day 17 Sigh. No idea what happened yesterday but i'm back on course today. Once again for those that aren't doing too well with NC (Chinafish, NaH) please look at how it's worked out for me. I had a baddddd day yesterday and wanted to message her. I wake up this morning alot better and I'm soooo relieved I didn't because I COULDN'T....and I'm now on Day 17 Delete, delete, delete! Anyways, I just wrote a short essay note on my iphone of my thoughts about her so I can read it when I feel weak. It basically just says what i feel her faults were and that i deserve better. She essentially did nothing for me. Rarely did anything thoughtful and never went the extra mile for me whereas I always did for her. I never shyed away from meeting her friends/family whereas she never did that for me. For some reason I thought her being in love with me was enough, but it isn't. The fact that that was enough for a year shows that i was obviously quite insecure and needed it. I need to get over that need to be loved because I deserve more than just being loved in return.
-
Ah bloody hell...still on a downer. Seriously what the hell is going on. I made a huge realisation yesterday but today i've really been missing her. If I hadn't deleted her contact details, I'd definitely message her right now! But i know as soon as i'm feeling better, i'd regret it so it's lucky I don't. So those who haven't deleted yet please take note of how it's better this way! I miss her and I know she misses me. But I also know that she has boys pursuing her and they're probably very good looking 'cool' models. She always said that all the models she met were d*cks and weren't her type but maybe it's different now. Obviously she doesn't love them like me, but she may fancy them. She's probably talking to them regularly while she's lonely and enjoying it. I'm scared she's gonna get over me alot quicker because of this! Hopefully she's thinking they're not so great compared to me rather than than being better! I understand she was ready to move on and start dating, but it's a completely different think to then start dating, see that the grass can be greener and actually move on. Once she makes this step, it's going to destroy me. Is it better to talk to other girls/guys and date quickly after a break up or not? Is it going to help her move on quicker or not? It's mad, i was so positive and accepting yesterday but today i'm a bit panicky and needy again. This really is a rollercoaster!
-
It certainly doesn't look weak. It will only look weak if you block him and then unblock him, so that's just not an option. At times I want to unblock and contact my ex, but i know it'd be shameful so I don't. As the feeling passes I am so relieved that I just couldn't and didn't make that mistake. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot. If you knew he still wanted you, you'd think he was stronger if he just blocked you out of his life, rather than responding to all your messages. Nonchalance only works if they don't know you're still into them! So blocking him and acting nonchalant at social events is the best way to go. My ex lives local and is in the same circle as well and that's the route i'm taking.
-
Day 16 Still feeling a bit down after last night. Like I said, it really is a rollercoaster. I'm not too bad though, just a bit solemn. The human mind astounds me. I've accepted that we wouldn't work at the moment and that she'd have to change as well for it to work, but I still feel sad about it. The thought of another man making her laugh and her flirting back absolutely destroys me. Why is the human ego just so needy and insecure that even if we accept it won't work, it still hurts that they may not love us one day? I don't get it. My needy side wants her back, but my rational side knows it won't work and that i have work to do on myself before I have another meaningful relationship. Today i'm just a bit sad and wondering if she's thinking of me, but fortunately i'm a million miles away from wanting to contact her. I will not give in. 16 days have passed and I feel sooo much better than Day 1!
-
-
Meh having a bit of a down night after my huge positivity these past couple of days. Just missing her! Not too bad though, but wow this process is a real rollercoaster. I'll be better tomorrow
-
Day 15 Realised today that the break up was for the best. I went out last night with friends and I had a great time, but i realised that I'm terrible at approaching girls these days. I like to think i'm a catch so it doesn't make any sense. It occurred to me that I saw her as a model trophy girlfriend and naively thought she sort of validated me in a weird way, as if she made me look good That relationship sucked the life out of me. The last thing I said to her was that I loved her, i'm letting her go and I wasn't ready for the relationship in the first place and took blame. I've realised there's no harm in that now as it's my first one! Now i've realised that i may have loved her, but if I was ready (experienced with relationships), I only would have walked out far earlier! Anyways, I feel like my healing is coming along nicely after them terrible days, but I really want her to know that i've realised this. I shouldn't have taken all the blame and I regret it. She didn't give me enough but that's who she is but I definitely didn't deserve all the blame that I took in the end. How do I let her know that? Do I even bother? Do I wait a long time?
-
I know man, it's just really difficult as she's very close friends with my brother and best friends (me and her were close friends as well before this)! I'll always hear a small detail randomly in conversation and I WILL find out these things whether i actively try or not. I just need to accept that it's gonna hurt and focus on myself doing these things instead. My life really takes off in 5 weeks with a brand new graduate job with 20 other starters my age and the opportunity to meet 100's more at college. I seriously think everything will be ok then. Just taking it one day at a time at the moment.
-
Just wanna write a little something about how I perceive break ups in general. This has been my first one and boy it's been hard at times. But you need to remember break ups are a PROCESS and not something immediate. So do not feel bad if you all of a sudden go from a high back to a low. I feel real good today after a terrible two days, but I know there are still some very low times to come. My lowest points so far have been: -Her saying no to me wanting her back after I ended it -Finding out she's ready to move on -Finding out she's considering dating The past 2 days finding out the bottom 2 points have hurt me alot. But they were inevitable and I've just had to accept them. I also know I'll feel low when I find out that: -She's actually started dating -She's started dating somebody seriously -She's slept with somebody else. I know they're coming at some point within the next year and i just have to be ready for them and in the mean time focus on myself so I'm as prepared as I can be. Please just remember that this break up is a process and only time and NC will help the process move along.