I need some advice.
I'm 29 year old Australian.
I have been with my fiance for 3.5+ years.
She is 26 and Japanese.
I met her in Japan when I lived there from February 2000 to July 2003.
I returned to Australia in late July 2003 to recommence my work as a lawyer.
Unfortunately she couldn't come with me then because of lack of money & she didn't have a visa.
But our plan was always for her to join me here in July 2004 once she had a visa and we were in a better financial position.
I stayed in regular contact with her by email & phone when I returned to Australia.
She came here for 2 weeks for Christmas and returned to Japan 2 days ago.
I paid half her airfare to help her come here.
This was the third time she had come to stay here.
Previously, we had always come together and returned to Japan together.
I had sensed that something was amiss because after the second day of being here she was acting indifferently.
The night before she had told me that she owed $10,000 in loans, credit cards etc and couldn't see how she would ever be able to pay it off and come to Australia to join me.
I foolishly said that she shouldn't have come to Australia because we both couldn't afford the airfare, and besides I had enough award points to get her a free return flight in a few months.
My family also noticed her change in demeanour.
After being icey-cold towards me for 10 days, she broke down the day before she left and told me that she didn't think we should stay together.
The day her plane left, she offered to give me back the engagement ring and another ring which I had given her for her birthday.
I asked her if she wanted to keep them and she said "yes".
Finally, I gave in and decided to find out what was happening.
The day after she left I checked her email messages (she had told me her password a while ago) and found that she had been receiving email messages from a US guy who works at a base near her home-town.
From the messages it was clear that:
she had told him that she loved him;
he knew about me;
she had told him that she wanted him over me;
he had strong feelings for her;
he had a picture of her in his house etc.
I was shattered.
I felt that I was partly to blame because I left her in Japan.
I asked why she had even come to Australia and she said that she wanted to see me so that she could see if loved her - she wanted to choose between me and the other guy.
I feel sad and angry.
This is the girl that I wanted to marry and be with forever.
The day she left she asked if she could ever manage to repay her loans, if she could come to Australia to be with me. I said "yes".
She still maintains that she loves me and my family, and that she wants to be here in Australia.
But now she feels that I will never be able to forgive her and hence we should part ways.
She was introduced to this guy through her younger sisters new boyfriend who also works at the US base.
Her other friend also has a US boyfriend.
I feel angry that her sister and friend introduced her to this guy knowing that I was engaged to her.
I think that she hasn't give up hope of coming to Australia even though I have promised that I will pay for the visa application and her airfare. I have even offered to help her repay her loans if she comes.
She just says that she wants me to be angry with her so that I can forget about her.
But I still want to be with her even though she has used me and my family.
She says that she hasn't had sex with him, but judging from the emails it sounds like they are close.
She has been seeing him for 2 months and she says that they have just gone out to restaurants etc.
I'm really mixed up now and don't know what to do.
