transmit
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Day 4 Feeling really good today. Seeing friends every night for the rest of the week, then traveling. I always feel very content the day after I go through one of my slumps. Wish it wasn't such a rollercoaster.
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Day 3 Resentment's creeping back. I told him exciting news about my life and he didn't care enough to write back a simple "congrats". Why do I want to be on good terms with him again? On the other hand, it's just an e-mail and it shouldn't matter. Trying not to let it matter.
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Day 2 restarted the clock after sending him an e-mail asking how he's been. He sent a brief reply, asked how I was. I replied again and he didn't. I won't take it personally if he never does. I'm glad to have the understanding that we are not on bad terms, but not in each other's lives either. The thought of getting back together seems like a distant fantasy now. I still love him but I've let go and I'm no longer in pain. Things have been going well in my life. He influenced me in many good ways and was respectful of me in the breakup aftermath, and I sincerely wish him the best right now.
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Day 15 had some pretty vivid dreams about him. Almost 6 weeks since the breakup, I thought I'd be feeling so much better by now. I'm getting used to being single and things in my life are going well. I've been dating but it's just a distraction -- I don't want to jump into another relationship. I just miss my ex very badly.
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Day 11 Weekends are always hard. I had a lovely day by myself until my thoughts about him started snowballing. I started thinking about/hoping I'd run into him, which I need to stop doing. I went home and tried to take it easy, told myself that I'm still clinging to hope and it's hurting me every day. I still earnestly love him, even though I don't need him in my life. I was on 2 dates with 2 different guys this week, both of which were a lot of fun. I'm getting lots of compliments and I know I look good and feel confident these days. I just miss him, and need to let him go.
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Day 8 Full schedule, seeing friends and going on a date tomorrow. I miss him as usual but it's a low hum in the back of my mind - not overwhelming and not taking away from my good mood. I can deal with that.
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Day 7 NC, it's getting tough again. I keep wanting to believe he's regretting the breakup and will contact me soon. I fully understand I can't try to interfere with his life though, and having a full schedule of social and work time makes it easier not to act on that impulse.
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Day 6 NC, going well. I blocked him on every social network when I was at my lowest, and it has really helped. No longer wishing for him to call. I have a date on Friday with someone I met recently. I have no real expectations for how it'll go but it's taking my mind off the ex a whole lot.
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Feeling much better today. 5 days NC. Running errands, cleaning around the house. Noticing (good!) changes in my body. Submitted a deadline's worth of work, now taking it easy and hopefully seeing friends tonight. If I can help it I don't want to ever feel as low as I did last night again.
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Today is the worst day yet. I feel completely horrible. I'm not suicidal but I don't want to live. It's been almost a month and I haven't heard a single word from him, aside from our 2 meetings to exchange things. It's so hard to believe he doesn't care. I've been doing everything I can to be good to myself. Taking care of my body. I've been offered a great career opportunity. Friends are so kind to me. But deep down I'm so miserable and I don't want to bother anyone with it anymore. Every day starts out with potential, and I promise myself I won't be thinking about him contacting me. But inevitably when it becomes clear he won't contact me, my day is ruined and all I can do is go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. When will it end?
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Day 3 I spoke too soon and I regret it now. Seeing him made me feel better for a day, and now each day away from him has felt progressively worse. He seemed so happy to see me, yet I'm losing hope he'll ever contact me again, so I was probably wrong. It's been almost a month since we broke up and while I'm definitely doing all right in my life - working out, get stuff done, eating well, seeing friends - I still find myself waiting and feeling terrible when I don't hear from him. And as my opinion of him gets worse, I'm more annoyed at myself for missing him. I guess this needs to happen before I can stop missing him.
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NC 2 days since item exchange, but I'm probably not gonna bother counting anymore. Been working out, working hard on deadlines, feeling good about myself lately. I get looks from people in public, I've reunited with old friends and new ones, it's a great feeling. He's starting to seem less appealing to me. The things I overlooked when I loved him now seem more apparent. He's got nothing in his life figured out and I feel like more of an adult without him.
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broke NC to exchange the last of our belongings yesterday. I was in a very good mood when I saw him, and we had a pleasant conversation. I'm not mad at him anymore. I understand why this needed to happen. I will not be contacting him again - I'm going to leave that up to him. I know it shouldn't matter, but it makes me feel good that he saw me in a better way than I was (crying, walled-off or just plain exhausted) during our breakup. I felt very unattractive, physically and in personality, when he broke up with me. I feel a whole lot better about myself these days.
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Day 17. Felt hopeless and sad last night, slept poorly. Trying to keep busy today. Haven't been eating well or thinking clearly. Feels really lousy.
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16 days NC. The urge to contact has subsided, and I go for long periods of time without thinking about him. But when I do, I'm angry and frustrated and start to recount the circumstances of the breakup to myself. Not to mention the weather's getting nice and I'm thinking about all the things we could be doing together. I'm trying so hard and it helps keeping busy with work, but the impulse to think of him hasn't gone away.
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Hi all, first time posting. Ex dumped me 3 weeks ago, been NC for 15 days. I'd been dealing pretty well while lurking here on the forums a bit, but my feelings are so cyclical -- the last few days have been harder than ever. maybe posting in the thread will help.