I would first like to openly confess that I have homosexual tendencies.
Not only do I have homosexual tendencies, but my family has a history of homosexuality, which I did not know about until only recently.
In fact, I honestly believed that I was the only one in my family that had these tendencies with the exception of my great uncle who remained openly gay up until his death to AIDS in 1994.
It wasn't until just last summer when I went to see my parents that they openly confessed that my father and almost all of my uncles are all closet homosexuals who live what would appear to be otherwise heterosexual lives; I did not know this nor realize this until that time since none of them acted or appeared gay.
I always wondered why it was that I had such a horrible time keeping girlfriends. I am actually attracted to the female form, but I suffer such a high anxiety around females that when I seek to form relationships that I find it diffcult to maintain that relationship. Also, I have a horrible fear of bad consequences occurring if I were to some how express myself sexually to them. For ages I was afraid to even admit that I had an attraction to girls even though I had felt a strong attraction to them.....
Out of all honesty I want to be happy and fufilled in life. I want to have a happy life with a woman, but I can't get past these feelings, and I don't want to be gay either.
I think gay sex is disgusting and I am not attracted to the male form at all.
In fact, what I see as something sexual is rather androgyneous; having the qualities of both sexes, but mostly feminine.
I honestly believe that homosexuality is a genetic condition and not a condition of the environment and I am living proof.
I know some of you may want me to feel that I should come out with this openly, but I do not want to suffer the consequences of being judged and isolated from people who do not understand and would otherwise be my friends.
If there is anyone out there who has any good words for me or some advice please feel free to respond.
