conflicted2

Just to clarify, the colleague doesn't have children either...Not that it makes the situation any better. As hard as it is to admit, you are right, I believe I did fall out of love with him. But how do you tell someone that? I was thinking that taking this job and just separating geographically, would make me and him realize either how much we really mean to each other...or else the worst. We bicker constantly, and will spend an entire evening in the same room of the house, just doing our thing without even speaking. Otherwise, he is always complaining about life, his job...etc.etc... I on the other hand always like to look at how "blessed" we really are, and need to be thankful not complain... Anyway rambling again...thanks for your honesty and words.

I am 25 yrs old, have been married for 5 years. My husband and I have are doing failrly well for ourselves, good jobs, all the toys, degrees etc. We have had a very tumultuous relationship to say the least. He is 28 and has a daughter from a previous relationship. He is very much a taker type personality, very dependent on me emotionally, I am the giver, and rescuer. He has come to expect this from me and doesn't appreciate anything I do anymore. He is an introvert, I am an extrovert. I feel I have comprised my character, I am most unhappy when around him. He is a nice looking guy, not mean, abusive, somehwat passive, where I am more of an assertive personality. We have had in the past serious trust issues, he has lied to me often, which I ahve always felt was the utmost disrespect to a partner. Our intimacy level is no existent. I am very conflicted, I have had an encounter with a colleague at a conference, just "making" out if you will. But I feel very guilty, but also find myself flirting because I feel so unfulfilled at home. I crave attention that I don't receive from my spouse. I have tried to communicate with him the past couple years about how I feel but he just doesn't seem to comprehend. I most recently have received a job offer 1000 miles away, I have decided I will accept, and my concern is that I am doing this for the wrong reasons. His concern is that I am using this a means to an end. Part of me feels, that if I don't take the opportunity I will resent him, however I am also tired of him expecting to always be there and take care of him. I think we have become 2 very different people in five years, and I know I have matured some. I know I am rambling at this point, but I feel bad about the tempation I am so close to act on, I can't get this person from the conference out of my mind. He is married too, and is feeling guilt/shame. We talk on the phone and email each other, he has acknowledged his attraction still for me as have I. I wonder if this is just a result of the "thrill" of wondering what could have been, since we didn't fully act on our feelings. I wonder if this is some void, that I am trying to fill. Needless to say, I am very conflicted, don't know what to do, my husband is a nice man and I think I want to make it work, but part of me just wants to be rid of everything, but I don't think I would have the heart to do it. If I am feeling the feelings of tempation...it is not fair to him for me to stay is it? I feel very guilty for my actions. If anyone has any thoughts, or has experienced anything similar...I would love to hear form you! Am very confused.