Thanks alot for your reply, i think our stories resemble eachother, but i feel there is one major difference between the two. Its my fault for not including this important fact:
Unlike most commitment phobes, my exgirlfriend never ran from the sound of commitment, actually SHE would suggest things like, moving in together and looking for a house to buy, and at times she would accuse me of not showing enough interest... She also felt totally at home meeting my parents and family and developing a relationship with them, which was something of a novelty to her. We flirted with the idea of marriage and had names for our kids etc.
I'm not saying that if it came to action she would not have ran, but i see quite a difference in this area between her and other commitment phobes, as others panic even at the first hint of commitment.
With regards to commitment phobes bieng selfish: True! they can do and say things that are very hurtful and totally disregard anyone elses feelings. Sometimes i wonder whether they have hearts of stone. But this is due to the formidable defence mechanism they have developed over the years to protect themselves from their irrational fears that 'all men are bad' etc. Everyone feels slightly helpless and vulnerable when falling inlove, but such fears are irrationally large with commitment phobes, thus their tough exteriors. In my case she would 'let go' for 2 to 3 weeks of living her dream, telling me that i'm perfect etc but then withdraw into herself for a couple of days in which time she would lash out at me, pointing out characteristics about me that tell her why we're not meant to be.....she would then excuse herself and say its her not me thats the problem.
About lying: In my case it was more a lack of consistency from her part. As i said above, one day she'd say i'm the best boyfriend she ever had and the next i'm the worst. Or the country is the best place to settle one day and a week later its the worst. It seems to me that they don't see the greys between the black and white. But what i can say forsure from my experiance is: if she seemed to lie to me, it was only because she was lying to herself first.
My girlfriend seems to have developed a persona of toughness, independance etc, however most of the time she would let go and let herself taste what she truly wants from life, in which time she would love, trust, confess her dreams and fears and be receptive to criticism, but when she feels out of control or something reminds her of her childhood her persona takes over and in those moments behaves like a cold bitch.
What i mean to say by all this is that these people have problems and in most cases they are aware of them and trying to deal with them. At least accepting they have a problem is half the battle won.
If, as in my case her biggest fear is 'men bieng bad' i think the best thing to do would be to prove her wrong by not giving up on her. If I'm more concerned about my own feelings, thats another matter.
One thing for certain: loving and bieng loved is a basic need for all humans. Commitment phobes are no exception.
Looking forward to hearing more
Thanks