stacy2

Day 11 Ughh, looked at his facebook tonight. He's on vacation with his single guy friends, and just added a really pretty girl who is from there. They must have met last night, now I get to imagine them spending all weekend together. I hate this, thank god I can no longer see his pictures. I wonder what will go through his mind when he gets back and has to go back to his daily routine without me. He was so excited about this vacation that I know for the past 11 days I wasn't on his mind at all, he had something exciting to look forward to, I wonder if once that's over and he has to come back to reality if he'll miss me or not... I guess only time will tell. I really wish I wouldn't have seen that

Day 10 Today I had a bit of a breakthrough I think. Not contacting is getting easier, I realize I want to contact the you that wants me... not the you that doesn't want me. I have no interest in wanting somebody who was okay with letting me go. Yes, I'm having a crazy hard time getting over you and yes, I would be elated right now if I heard from you, but the fact is... I haven't heard from you so I have to assume that you don't want me. As tough as it is to swallow, I have to accept it because only then will I be able to move on. I have wasted the past 10 days thinking about you non-stop, being depressed, and neglecting myself. I stopped working out, I have been eating chocolate like it's my job, I haven't bothered putting on makeup. Starting tomorrow, I'm waking up with a new frame of mind. You no longer exist in my world. It's time for me to shift my focus from you to me. I hope when you get back from your vacation next week and reality settles in, that you feel the loneliness that I have felt and realize you made a mistake. If you try to contact me, I guarantee you won't be getting a response from me. You were willing to let me go, so I'm gone.

Day 7 I thought this would get easier, but the longer I go without seeing you, the more I want to see you. I would do anything just to have one night with you and get some closure of some sort. I wish you would've at least done something awful to me so I'd have an easier time letting go. And even though I am realizing that the chances of seeing you again are slim to none at this point, I don't want to accept it. I was sitting there today at work thinking of some of our best memories together, replaying them in my head, realizing that I will never have that again with you. The worst part of this week has been the dreams at night, and me waking up to see you not next to me. This is killing me, I just want you out of my head.

Day 7. I miss you, but today is the first day I didn't lose any tears over you. And although they were fleeting, today is the first day I had moments where you weren't on my mind. Since I haven't heard from you all week it makes me wonder if you are even thinking about me in the least bit. Apparently not.

I find myself coming back here a second time cause I'm sitting in bed crying and need to let it out somewhere. I know he had plans to go out with his friends tonight and drink, I was hoping I'd at least get a drunken text at the very least from him, but it's clear that he is not thinking about me at all. I just can't stop thinking about him meeting and talking to other girls. For the first time I'm realizing that the chances of us getting back together are pretty slim. This is what he wanted, after all. It's going to be much harder to accept than I thought it would be. I stopped by my parent's house today on my way to work to say hi, I had not told them about the break-up yet, they asked how I was doing and I just broke down bawling. I couldn't even get a word out to explain what happened or why I was crying. I ended up not being able to stop crying all the way to work and had to fight back the tears all day. I'm hoping today was some sort of breakthrough and acceptance of what has happened and that tomorrow will be better. Things just look so grim at the moment. I can't imagine wanting anyone else or being remotely attracted to anyone else right now. I also can't stop thinking about all my flaws and why I'm not good enough for him, boy did my self-esteem take a major hit with this break-up.

Day 5. The past five days have been so hard, I have been thinking about him non-stop. The worst part is being so confused as to what he is thinking/feeling, he gave me so many mixed signals. I have all these questions for him that I just want to ask him, but I know I can't. I can't figure out if he was just trying to end things in the easiest/nicest way possible by giving me false hope, or if he really meant that hopefully someday we can try again. I'm clinging onto that hope and I know it's not allowing me to let go fully. I'm also dreading this weekend. He's a good-looking, newly single guy going out with his single guy friends. I don't want to think of him meeting another girl or hooking up with another girl. It makes me physically sick to think about and it's going to be in the back of my mind all weekend. I feel like if he meets someone else I'll have no chance of getting him back. The only thing that is helping me get through this is knowing that it's HIS choice. I can't force somebody to want me and I don't want to interfere or push somebody to make a decision that is not their own. If he really wants to try again at some point, he would make the effort to contact me... I just have to keep remembering that.