Ok, I met this guy through work and we hit it off immediately. We began with just emails and brief conversation but our relationship quickly turned into something real. I actually felt a connection with this guy and completely trusted him. Emotionally our relationship moved faster than I've ever experienced before but it just felt right. There were so many things between us that were similar and we were both looking for the same things. So I didn't bother putting the brakes on the situation because I thought I had found someone that actually knew me. In fact, it's almost as if he knows me too well. He knows my thoughts, my feelings, my insecurities ... without me even telling him.
All of this developed without even spending any physical time together. We would email one another multiple times a day and spend hours on the phone together as well. Then, just a few days ago, he asked if I wanted to go out for drinks. I anxiously agreed and was so excited to finally spend some one on one time with him, without a phone line between us. Just as I expected, we hit it off so well. We were so horribly comfortable with one another that I honestly felt as if we had been together far longer than we have even known one another. Anyway, he had brought a movie along that I told him I was dying to see (which I thought was so sweet ... but it might have just been a sneaky move on his part, I'm not completely sure now). As we were leaving the bar (this little sports bar everyone at work goes to in order to wind down) he grabbed the movie from his vehicle to show me. He then said he would love to come back to the house and watch it with me. So we went. I lived only 15 minutes from the bar so we went to my house. We watched maybe twenty minutes of the film and started fooling around. Looking at it now, I honestly couldn't tell you how things moved as quickly as they did. We ended up having sex that night. Now, I have never EVER condemned my friends for doing what they do, but personally, I'm not like that. At least, I wasn't. I have only been with two people my entire life and each of those were four year relationships. But for some reason I did it. I feel horribly ashamed but at the same time I'm proud that I allowed myself to do what I wanted to do.
I'll admit it, I wanted to have sex with him, but I don't know if that necessarily makes it ok. You can't just run around doing what you want to do .... Right? I don't know. My friends tell me that it's ok for me to have a little fun. They are all actually happy for me because not only did I have the courage & strength to leave my ex-boyfriend of 4 yrs but that I've actually proven everyone wrong by managing to not go back to him (which I knew I wouldn't, they just had no faith in my will).
So, is it wrong? Should I be ashamed of myself? My big fear is that people at work are going to find out and think the horrible things about me that I always hear them say about other girls in the office. Ok, I'm rambling because I'm anxious and nervous so I'll end this now...
Am I a bad person for having a little fun?
