pebbles40

I know it's hard it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I have good and bad days. At times I struggle not understanding why he wants to continue having ties, is it because he has unresolved emotions, or is he keeping his options open. It has to come to an end if there seems to resolve. But his indecision is his problem, not mine and there comes a point in time when you say "enough" and let it go. I truly believe if things are meant to be, they will be. I suppose my peace of mind is more important than any relationship I willing to give him. He can't give me what I need and probably never will. I'm ok with that.

You can spend more energy trying to figure out "why" he called. It's wasted energy. Perhaps you are trying to read to much into it. Let it go. I think when people are dumped....they put every word and action under a microscope, trying to read between the lines. And when you do that, you are trying to control a situation that you really have no control of. The bottom line is that no relationship should be painful. If it causes pain, get out of it.

It's been a very difficult lesson to learn. My ex is a person who deep down inside is a very kind and caring person. This is the person who I want to remember. He still appears to be confused and in his confusion makes me question who I am and what I am about. He continues to doubt my abilities and emotions, and friends don't do that. Perhaps, it's just that he knows what buttons to push and trys to push them. When I back away and have no contact with him at all. He panics and says he doesn't want to sever ties..........You have to have "ties" before they can be servered. He doesn't want a romantic relationship, friendship.....but doesn't want to sever ties............He wants to stay connected for reasons he doesn't even understand.

Your statement about if he is "deserving" was interesting. It's not what he deserves or doesn't deserve, it's really what you feel YOU deserve. I know what I want and deserve. I want honest and open communication is all of my relationships. This relationship was very difficult to let go of, due to the mixed messages that he sent. When the time came for me to extend the offer with all the best of intensions, he backed away. Friends don't do that.....ex lovers who can't let go do that. He appears to still have resentment and emotions that he hasn't dealt with. It is the hardest thing you can ever do is to let someone go who you still love and care about. I just happen to care more about myself more to not stay in anykind of one sided relationship, romantic or platonic.

My boyfriend and I broke up about six months ago. The break up was kind of ugly. A couple of weeks before he decided to split, he went back and forth and had difficulty making the decision, which complicated matters, as we were living together. He decided to move, but maintained he still wanted to be friends. I was hurt and angry and not in a position to be a friend. He continued to call to see "how I was doing" and sending me mixed messages about our relationship. I decided I wasn't going to deal with it anymore and changed my number and moved. After several months I felt comfortable enough to make contact with a mutual friend of ours and my ex heard about it and told our friend that he wanted to me to call. I put a lot of thought into before I did and decided that although I still loved him, it was more of a friendly love than a romantic interest. I contacted him and stated that I would like us to be friends and that if we could be adult enough and set boundaries that would be great. He wrote back, saying that it sounded like I still had some reservations, and that we probably needed more time and that he missed me. After that, any additional contact with him has been cold. I attempted to call him, to let him know that I was fine, and not upset or angry. He quickly told me he would have to call me back. He didn't. He sent me a very cold email stating that although he cared, he is not in the same place as me, and that email contact is the only contact he wants. I have since blocked his email address and feel its best just left alone. I am don't going to continue the go away/come here attitude anymore. It's very hard to do this, because I value this person and would like to be friends, but can't help thinking he is "hanging on' reasons that are harmful.