de Rosse

barely 3 years ago, weeks before that special someone left me, i made sure i am spending quality time with him, making each day as if it's our last day together. since i can't tell him verbally my real feelings for him, i showed him how much he meant to me. i think that was the hardest thing to do... to suppress your real feelings for some reasons. on his last day, i asked him to accompany me to what i consider a special place.. a park on top of the mountain and then i gave him a 3 sweet kisses 1. one on the forhead -- i told him this is for being a good friend to me. 2. on the nose-- for making me laugh always 3. on lips (just a gentle smack) -- when i was about to kiss him, he asked me, what is that last kiss for? i told him for being the special person that you are to me. He just kissed me instead i gave him a little souvenir and a copy of my favorite song for him.

we've been very close friends for more than a year. Never thought he is already courting me at that time. He finally asked me if i will consider having a relationship with him. It should have been 6.5 months hadn't i initiated a break up with him 3 weeks ago. For 27 years, he is the only bf i had. i love him so much that i want him to be my partner forever. the first two months of our relationship, we are working in the same company, after that he moved to his hometown for another company. He managed to visit me twice a month But weeks before the breakup he said an average visit of once a month is reasonable. Our communication then became dry and seldom for we always end up arguing once we started a conversation. He seemed to be so serious with what i said to him that i could hardly make a joke or request for sweet nothings. I feel so insecure at that time that i could hardly go on with our relationship but since he is my first love and first boyfriend, i extended my patience until one night i asked him if he loves me. Thinking i will get what i want to hear, i feel sorry for myself when he can't answer me straight to my question. I began to express my feelings about our relationship and he countered it back with "don't try to change a person you love". Then he uttered the words i least expect from him.. "i don't see any future in us nor a chemistry to make this relationship work". I felt my whole system stopped for a while then i managed to tell him to end the relationship. now i am in so much pain. i don't know but i feel guilty for breaking up with him. i wan't him back but i have so much pride in myself that i don't want to initiate the move. he pulled the trigger for me to let go of him so i don't find it reasonable fro me to make the move. i don't know that he's thinking or what he's going thru right now but I, i am totally wrecked. pls. save me.