locee

no- trust me I think he is the lame one no matter what this other woman is like--and I do feel for her--if it wasn't for me calling her she never would have known about all his lies in the first place.--and yes he makes his own choices! But as far as them being engaged--they had been engaged for over two years with no plans to marry and I didn't even know until after he started something with me. On a good note, a month ago I did tell him that if things did not work out to not ever contact me or try to come back to me b/c I must move on..so that I feel good about. I think the hardest part is that I am definitely facing the reality--but man the reality is painful- It is hard to not feel compared in this situation. I mean frankly I just want to get over the pain b/c I am definitely wanting to move on and hopefully just be happy with myself for awhile.

Thanks for both of your replies...I understand what both of you had said and agree. Unfortunately, it is hard for me to believe that people use others like that..I guess i am naive and for me it is hard to believe that two people could really be so in love when the only reason he started talking to her again was that she called him to tell him that she started having sex with someone else to make him jealous. This seems like really immature behavior for a 10 year relationship. I guess I just feel had and stupid for investing so many of my emotions in this. Do you think they are just co-dependent or do you think that just needed a break and i was it for them?

I am just trying to understand what went wrong and this forum seemed to have good insight. I started a relationship with a guy before I knew he was engaged, when I subsequently found out, I told him that we could not go on or that he needed to break up with his girlfriend/fiance of 10 years. He did do it and after a month we became an item (stupid me)..anyways, needless to say (as hindsight is always 20/20) he didn't take the time to get over her properly and would not break contact with her or tell her about our relationship. I even told him to go back to her if that is what he wanted. He didn't and stayed with me and said he really wanted to be with me and there relationship was one of convenience. Needless, to say after a year he broke it off with me and told me that he wanted to go back to his ex to see if things could work? I am definitely trying very hard to move..but I am just trying to understand their mindset. He just seemed like he wanted to move on with me and really wanted change in his life...and now I feel so stupid like I was a pawn in another couple's chessgame. I know it is definitely over but I must admit that I just want to know if I was the only dysfxnal person in the mix. In the end, he made it seem like him and his ex had always been happy together, even though saying that she was self-centered and that he was a giver and she was a taker. In addition, he said that even though I am more giving he just wanted her and that he was very compatible with her. I guess in my own stupid world I find that hard to believe since he broke up with her for a whole year and went out with me. I think it is hard for me to accept also b/c she had him send an email to me that he doesn't want to ever talk to me ever again even though she said she might not take him back. What is wrong with me? How can a man love a woman like that so much? I sometimes wonder if it b/c I am not attractive enough (but I think I am ok) In his last email to me he said that he loved this girl more than anything in the world and he told me he couldn't talk to me anymore if he wanted a chance to get back together with her. It has been hard for me not to be jealous b/c I just figure they will live happily ever after, but now I am beginning to realize it doesn't matter. But I won't lie, I hope he just realizes that just b/c he puts up this front of amazing humbleness and kindness that goodness comes from the inside. any insight would be very much appreciated!