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lonesomeloser

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  1. lonesomeloser
    Thanks OptomisticGirl... I like your Jelly story - lol... I hate things that trigger memories like that. Makes my heart drop then palpitate for a bit - ugh... when does THAT stop? I soooo want to text her something; it is so hard not letting her know that I really do still care - I just hope she doesn't think I'm ignoring her (well, I guess I am in a way; but not really because she's not contacting me). ***...--- men don't cry right?... f*ck!!!
  2. lonesomeloser
    Not sure if this counts as breaking NC, I don't think it does really... But I did make a post on facebook ALLUDING to one of our sexual encounters - nobody would get it except her if she reads it if she's even smart enough to read between the lines. (she hasn't been on there much lately other than to "like" a couple things I put on there). Nahh... that doesn't count. Day 5 sucks!! Again, I'm soooo happy I found a new friend to email, chat with online. It really helps and she's into me - keeps saying she has a crush on me and stuff... really helps my shattered ego you know?
  3. lonesomeloser
    Day 5 Never made it past day 5 before and I can see why. Day 5 is tough. I still think about her as much as ever... Hurts to know that she's not thinking about me. I just don't understand some people, I mean I know she needs to get on with her life, but I miss her correspondance - we were friends, what the hell happened to that?
  4. lonesomeloser
    Day 4 Wow... I'm doing surprisingly well. Helps that she's been off Facebook and I've got a new female email/text buddy. Thoughts of her are less frequent, but they're still there. And, of course, yesterday she clicked the "like" button on my Facebook status. Kinda makes my heart drop when she does stuff like that. I mean, she wouldn't acknowledge the card or the text I sent her for her birthday, but she "likes" my status? She's weird, man... probably just trying to mess with me.
  5. lonesomeloser
    Good for you Milk&Honey Keep it going, I'm proud of you. You'll get past this, sounds like you are well on your way. We'll all get past this.
  6. lonesomeloser
    Day 3 Man it helps to have a new friend. We've been emailing each other back and forth all weekend. I still think about old whats-her-face, but my heart has stopped palpitating every time I do. I'm actually mostly just thinking about the sex now rather than the love, though I know the love is still there and will probably never go away. (for the record, the sex was incredible)... lol
  7. lonesomeloser
    Day 2 Really good past couple days. Sent her a smiley text on Thanksgiving, she didn't respond. Never said anything about the card I sent either. Think I'm starting to dislike her. What helps is I found a new female friend online - we've been emailing each other and really getting to know each other. SOOOO takes my mind off of old whats-her-name. lol... I hope I can keep this up.
  8. lonesomeloser
    Day 1 I'm weak. It's cause she never said it's over. Told me she's thinking about me last week, Monday said she misses me too, but never replied to the card or the text I sent yesterday (just a little smiley)... I really need to know if there is still something there or if she hates me... Stay NC right? Why can't I do it?
  9. lonesomeloser
    Day 0 again. It's her daughter's birthday. And Thanksgiving. I texted her a little smiley face, just to let her know that I'm still thinking about her. No reply. Maybe that's the closure I so desperately need. She ALWAYS replied to my texts (even the ones I sent on Monday)... This may be Good Bye.
  10. lonesomeloser
    A friend tagged her in a photo on facebook. She's put on some weight. Actually, she doesn't look so good. Sure, she's out partying every weekend and making it LOOK like she's having the time of her life, but I don't buy it. Not sure yet if that makes this easier, or if I want to be there for her. Okay, today is her day (birthday) so I'm not going to do anything... gonna make it through the weekend.
  11. lonesomeloser
    Day 0 again. I broke on Day 5 (2 days ago). Sent a text. It's cause I went on the trip we had planned to spend together. And I missed her. So, I sent a couple texts: "I'd still pick you first on my team" (just a cute thing we used to say) No reply. An hour later I sent: "Wish you were here. Miss you baby". 45 minutes later she replied: "Miss you too baby. And, yes, I am first on your team". Today is the birthday. I sent a nice card last week, she should have gotten it by now. And I put a cute little Happy Birthday on her facebook wall. And that's all I'm going to do. It IS time to move on. I can do this.
  12. lonesomeloser
    DAY 5 Wow... this ties my record. Last time I went 5 days I got a text from her on Day 5 and chatted on IM the next day. That wasn't pretty actually, I sort of called her out for who she is; explaining that I felt played because what I thought were "our moments" (meaning our little conversations) were actually how she talks to all guys. Whatever... f*ck her (everybody else does). --- hmmmm... feeling a little bitter I guess....
  13. lonesomeloser
    Day 4 Wow... Can't believe I made it this far. Also struggling with the fact that she hasn't tried to initiate contact with me. She said we would ALWAYS be friends and always be in each others' lives. Yeah, doubting that now. Hopefully I won't break today. It's gonna be tough. Gotta keep myself occupied. She should get the birthday card within the next day or 2. Don't know if that will spark anything or not; but that was NOT the reason I sent it. I honestly sent it to make her day special. I didn't throw any guilt trips in there or anything, just "warmest birthday wishes to you, love ____"... The card itself was quite nice as well, basically saying to promise not to settle for anything but the best because you are beautiful inside and out.
  14. lonesomeloser
    Day 3 Wow... Saturday morning, Day 3. I've actually gone 5 days before, but for some reason it's getting harder and harder to maintain. My facebook account is down for site maintenance - probably the BEST thing for me right now. So, I've GOT to stay strong. I do think she misses me, but I'm having doubts. The birthday card is in the mail, she'll prob get it Tues or Wed (birthday is Wed). Then what? Stay NC? I was thinking I was gonna post a birthday message on her FB wall on her Birthday (like I do all my other FB friends). Probably NOT the best idea actually... Wanted to say "Happy Birthday ____. Hope you have a SPECTACULAR day" (we used to call her boobs "spectacular" like that Seinfeld episode, think she'd get a smile out of that). -- "You get prettier every year!! Love you and miss you my friend". Ugh... I'm a head case. Why can't I get over this girl? Maybe after the Birthday when she continues not initiating contact I can move on. No Happy Thanksgiving... No Merry Christmas.... No Happy New Year.... Part of me wants to keep her as a FB friend just to see if maybe, just maybe, she gives me a Happy Birthday on mine in late January... But part of me wants to defriend her (I struggle with that - I think it's rude. I would resent that if someone did that to me). ....... just rambling and venting..... thanks.
  15. lonesomeloser
    Looks like I'll make it through Day 2. Kinda sad actually, really wanted her to text or call or IM or something.... but nope... nothing... -- well, I did get a Facebook "poke" - but that's meaningless. I'm sure she pokes hundreds of guys (lol)... I'm hiding her and her bar tramp friends on FB now so I don't have to see all the parties and drunkenness going on this weekend. Be out of town Monday, so maybe... just maybe I can make it and remain NC. I did send the birthday card. Good. I hope it makes her happy.
  16. lonesomeloser
    you know? - that birthday card would have soooo much more impact if I can maintain NC until she gets it. That's what I gotta keep in mind.... -- I'm losing it aren't I?
  17. lonesomeloser
    Day 2 is tough. Tonight is gonna be tougher. I hate her for doing this to me, but I love her for who she is. Why did she say "thinking of you baby" 2 days ago? Why??? It would have been better had she said "get lost" or something like that. I feel horrible. Worse part is that she is oblivious to my pain (or maybe that's good... I don't even know anymore)
  18. lonesomeloser
    I want to text her so bad. Just a happy little Hello... is that bad? Why would that make me such a horrible person in her eyes - I'd think it would bring a smile to her face... Or just wait... wait till tonight. She usually IM's me Friday nights. Maybe I should ignore that too.... I'm so conflicted... I just mailed her birthday card. Signed it "warmest birthday wishes to you and your daughter on your special days. Love, _____ xoxoxo". (daughter's birthday is the day after hers). I KNOW she will not respond to that. And maybe that's what I need. A final F-You to keep me from thinking about her. Does that break my NC today? Or since she won't get it till next week can I continue counting.... >>?? --- ugh...
  19. lonesomeloser
    Good for you. If mine said she could be here tomorrow, I'd say Come On!!! I'm sick.
  20. lonesomeloser
    Wow... strikingly similar. She used to spend the weekends with her daughter (only gets to see her Fri, Sat, Sun), now she gets a sitter and goes out drinking with her girlfriends and likely hooking up with some guy or guys (wouldn't put that past her). So why can't we move on? Gotta be the "idea" of who she was, right? Even though that person doesn't exist anymore? I don't know... it really hurts. Sad part is I still want her to be happy even though I am miserable.
  21. lonesomeloser
    Day 2 for me too. Hey Matador -- sounds like we have the same girl...hahaha. And I feel the same way as you. Gonna be tough. Especially the weekend. Man I miss her soooo much -- or at least I miss who she represented herself as when she was with me. Not really sure I even like who she is now. But I know who she can be, and that's who I miss.... sorry, rambling....
  22. lonesomeloser
    Day 1 I did good today. Had a text in my cell ready to send on several occasions, but clicked END rather than SEND every time. I can do this. I know I can. She is going to initiate contact with me this time even if I NEVER talk to her again. (hahaha... man, I'm losing it!!)... If I can make it through tomorrow, and especially tomorrow night, I just have to keep myself occupied on vacation and stay OFF the damn Facebook (it kills me).
  23. lonesomeloser
    Good Luck kt. Been following your posts and I wish you well.
  24. lonesomeloser
    This is soooooo true!! How about every time your phone rings your hopes go up that it's your ex? I keep my phone on vibrate and EVERY SINGLE CALL I hope it only vibrates once, cause that would be a text - and I almost pray it's from her.... UGH!!! -- It IS an addiction.
  25. lonesomeloser
    And just like that - back to day 0... Instant Messaging on Facebook. She's been invisible since our little spat on Friday, and then she pops up this morning. I can't help myself. I send a "Hello". She says "Hey", I say "Hows it goin?", she says "good, u?", I say "pretty good", she says " thinking of you baby". I say "awww
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