DenmarkGuy

Hi Principesa, Well, in my early early 20's I was in college (I worked for a couple of years between high school and college), working on a business degree-- which I didn't want-- because my main interest-- computer science-- at THAT time would have either earned me unemployment, or a $12,000 a year job, working 80 hours a week. This was a bit before nerds were hip... early to mid-80's. My goals were pretty vague because I really wasn't doing what I had hoped to be doing-- until a buddy and I decided to start our own business after graduation. My perceptions of marriage, family and that whole thing was that I didn't really really want it till my late 20's, early 30's. I think maybe I knew too many people who got married young, and divorced young-- I had nothing against having a "serious" exclusive relationship, mind you. However, I was also hopelessly naive-- and had never had a serious relationship at the time I entered college. As it turned out, I met the woman who became my wife, and later EX-wife... who pursued me relentlessly, and I eventually agreed to marry her at age 24, after she hinted around for the 439th time that "that was what she wanted." Unfortunately, I wasn't self-aware enough to realize (A) that I was totally disregarding my own needs, and (B) she recognized a good "wallet with legs" when she saw one. To answer your question, I didn't exactly "panic" because she wanted to get married, but I did feel subtly pressured to do someTHING I didn't feel was right for me, with someONE I wasn't convinced was right for me. In retrospect, I wish I'd had the wisdom to push harder to say "I don't think your need to settle down now is compatible with mine." But some people don't WANT to be "broken up with," and I kinda went with the flow. As compared to your scenario, I had lived on my own for two+ years, but had NO serious relationships under my belt; but the business degree and having my own business DID certainly give me good prospects and cash flow. As a general sort of observation-- the younger you are when you get married, the more you're going to change, as a person meaning that you're going to have to work that much harder at getting a relationship to work out. In my early 20's, I was still "defining myself" as a human being-- and if two people are BOTH doing that, in the context of a relationship-- there's NO guarantee that they will "define" themselves in a similar (and compatible) direction, FWIW. --Peter

Hi Glassbell, Don't know if you'll be back to read this post again, but I've read Elaine Aron's books (first one more than five years ago) and definitely fit the description of being an HSP. Originally, I was researching the link between "hypersensitivity" and giftedness, and accidentally came accross her first book-- which someone had left in the travel section at Border's, of all places. It helped explain a few things; although I've always been aware that I was an introvert, her explanations put a fix on my reactions to loud noises, bright lights, odors, chemicals, stress and the like. It also helped me not "pathologize" myself with some kind of anxiety disorder-- because essentially I WASN'T anxious or fearful-- I merely seemed to "get enough" much faster than other people around me. My life has changed a lot since then-- but I won't take a up a lot of room with that here; but feel free to respond, or email me, or whatever. --Peter