CustomX

I will keep you guys and gals updated trust me! oh and for people who are wondering Im 21 years old and shes 22. Im starting to get my life back together and im goign to get a job and a car again. Thank you for everyones help i apreciate you taking the time to read my sad story and giving me advice. You people are a big help and much is apreciated.

I havnt been able to do much either! I felt a couple time i was going to throw up but i couldnt. I hurts alot i know that much... and i also have dreams about her. my dreams are scary!! in my dreams im all alone and noone is there! and somtimes i cannot sleep well. The other night i thought my heart was going to stop....Really i dont mean mentally i thought i was going under soo much pain pressure and depression my heart couldnt take it and thought i was going to die in my sleep!.. My mom is so upset that she did this to me she doesnt understand why she gave up and thought that my girlfriend was commited to the relationship. I told alot of my friends (women friends) and they think she's stupid for giving me up because i was the sweetest guy they knew and i really took care of her. My mom would spend 300 dollars on clothes for her whenever she came to california. Plus took her to disneyland out to eat everynight and everything. I really got alone with her family and they really liked me too. All i do now is think about the good times and where we went wrong....I always feel guilty about things and i hated myself for what i did wrong....i few times i cut myself to remind me of the mistake i made and how it effected my life. I feel like i have a wound that wont heal a scar that will last forever. I just cannot believe what has happened and its very hard to accept it.

My girlfriend decided on Thursday the 24th of july to break up with me 2 weeks after i got back from seeing her in arkansas. I live in california and we have been doing the long distance thing for 4 years. She broke up with me over the phone saying its not working out that we fight too much and that im mean to her and take all of her money. She also said she felt like this since december of 2002. What i dont understand is how she never said anything to me before and why she waited this long. I really loved this girl soo much when i went to see her for the last time i got her a 400 dollar engagement ring that didnt fit her finger =(. I told her i would get it sized but she insisted i take it back and get her another one. For 4 years we have been seeing each other every 3-4 months she comes out here and i go out there. The thing is i always called her she never really calls me. Anyways i called her up at work on the 24th because she was out with her friend nikki and i didnt know where she was and it was late and she never came home. So i call her work and she tells me i dont think we should see each other anymore. Then it hit me hard i started to fall to the groud crying my eyes out begging her not to do this because i loved her soo much. All she could say is sorry and i just need time and space to think about things and how she was tierd of us fighting all the time. Then she starts talking about when we have sex i always make it seem like we are building a house because im telling her to put her legs in a position to make sex more interesting. She just wants me to have sex with her with me on top always. Now she said she wants to be my best friend and she loves me as a friend now. The thing is she said she would call me on this past monday and she never did. I was waiting by the phone and hoping she would call but she never called. Oh i forgot to say she said after she found out she was loosing her job she went numb? and decided all this. So i called her house yesterday and her mom said she tried to call me but i wasnt home. DAMMIT i missed her call because i was out to lunch. She said shes leaving the possiblity of going back out with me not now later one she said? This is hurting me soo much the first week of the break up i couldnt sleep eat or do anything. I just sat and cried my eyes out for hours. I cried on the phone with her all she would say is Steven stop her voice was betweeen mad and sad. I just dont know what to do because she is my first love my first one to have sex with and she is too. She said we should try and see other people to see what life is like without each other.