scared_newlywed

I have tried to ask him MANYT times to see a counselor but he just tells me that he doesn't need counseling and that I need it . Maybe I do, but I want us both to go. I want him to see that I have nothing to hide and I am honest with him and that everything I do is with his best intentions at heart. I know all couples have these issues and I hope that it will get better, it is just that right now I feel very loinely and desperate. I don't want to tell anyone around me what is happening becaue 1. I don't want to look like a failure and 2. If we are able to work things out I do not want anyone one to look at him any differently. In your very shor marriage did you feel like you were failing at something? I certainly feel that way. I know that I should not be so hard on myself and that if it was a friend of mine in my situatioin I would tell them that they should not feel this way but I JUST DO. i feel like for the first time in my life I am failinga at something and it just so happens to be the most important thing in my life that I am failing at. How should I ract when his mood just switches and he becomes so silent and withdrawn. And doesn't want to look at me or talk to me. I have tried not to do anything and he complains that I didn't care enough. And, I have tried pertering him until he talks but he kjust gets frustrated with me and tell me to leave him alone. I NEED COMMUNICATION. How am I supposed ot know what is wrong and what to do if he won't hlp me help him or our relationship? Thanks everyone for your replys I truly appreciate it!!!

PLease HELP ME>>> I need advice!!! Hello, this is my first ever post and in fact I was just so happy to see that there was a place I could ask unanimous questions that I have to start right away. Here is my story. I am 23 years old and have been married for a little over 2 months. I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 23 and we were friends for most of our time knowing one another and began dating when I was 21. Things were great. I was so happyt because i had been in love with him for so long and not showing it. Things were great while we were dayting. We did a lot of things togehter and a lot of things with friends and we had what I would call at the time a healthy social life. He used to get a little over protective about things I wore and how I interacted with other men who were my friends i.e: hugging a male friend I had not seen in months and the such. Anyway I guess I mostly found this kind of flattering and never made anything of it. So it went and now we are married and everything is differernt all of a sudden it seems. When I was younger like 18-20 I like many people that age ran up a few credit cards, had trouble paying them off, was pre occupied with socializing to care much abotu college and just constatly wanted ot be haivng a good time. I guess one place where I failed was to tell my then boyfriend that I had this financial situation (which was by no means horrible just not favorable) and he felt like I was hiding something from him. I was not intentionaly trying to hide anything I was just kind of embarrassed about it and di dnot want to be criticized. When he fond about it he was not too happy. I promised that I was making steps to be better and that I was not much more carefull with my finances and obviouslu much more responsible after my hard learned lesson. Now he cannot get past this. He keeps bring this up and blames many issues that are completley irrelevant to this on my supposedly having lied about this in the past. (was I lying?) Another aspect that I know I went wrong at was this. When my husband I started dating I was just getting out of another relationship. I relationship I left in fact just to be with my husband. My other partner was a wonderful guy but did not offer me some of thethings that my husband offer me. It was WENT SO FAST! I tried to to cut all ties with my former partner but he felt he needed ot talk some more and he would constantly dirve by my house waiting for me to be home to call me and I knew he did this. One day I decided to confront him to tell him how I wanted him to stop following me and that I was happy in my current relationship and this had to stop. I offered him that night to talk to me once and for all and STUPID ME, went to far. we ended up having sex (this was 10-15 days into my realationship with my now husband) I felt so guilty and it took me a long time to forgive myself. I never told my husband. a few weeks ago he found out. He had found my old journal and read it (which I am having a very hard time accepting he would do that) and I admitted to the whole thing and tried to explaing to him how guilty I had felt and how it took me a long itme to get over it and how it was ONLY that one instnace (not that it makes it any beter). I am not trying to make excuses for myself but I love my husband but now it is getting to the pount where he trust nothing that I say or do. I can not be at work for more than an hour at a time without him calling to make sure I am here and if he happens to call when I am in the bathroom he thinks I am somehwere else and will not tlel me what he thinks I could bne doing. I am not being unfaithful to my husband and I am trying all i can to make this work. He wants to me present himwith receipts of any amount of mney I spend every day and questions even the most minor of issues. He even questions the amount of time it takes me to get home. God forbid there is trafic on the highway and I am 19 minutes later than usual. He iwll be very quiet and not talk to me and then end up blaming his unhappiness on me and blames my forgetting something stupid like picking up milk on the way home and calls me irresponsible. NO matter what I say, how I defend myslef or anything that I decide to do. I AM ALWAYS wrong and he blamed everything on these issues. H agreed to forgive me and accept my mistakes and told me he wants to work things out and that basically thse issues should be buried as we cannot do anything about them now but he keeps bringing it up. We never do anything with my friends anymore but plenty of things with his. My friends that I have have been around since my early childhood and now he thinks that are bad. if I decide to go shopping with one of my friends on a saturday. He find a million things I should have done instead and tells me I spent money unnecessarily($32 on things for the house) and that I took to long. he monitors all my phone conversations and calls people to chek on me. I don't know what to do. I feel lonely, trapped, and depressed. I love my husband and I want to make my marriage work but I don't know how I can when i am on such a short leash and especially since I was always a very independent person. Please help me., What should I do, say. I am a total loss. Any replay is appreciated. Desperatley.