Capricorn3

12 hours ago, mike3610 said:

 Sometimes I feel like "This is it!" and other times I don't. Is this just the ebb and flow of a relationship? Should I leave to see if I can find that feeling?

I have always gone with the phrase "when in doubt, don't". It has saved me many times from making the wrong decision.  That doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone should do what is right for them.  Your girlfriend also deserves someone who can give her what she needs.

Maybe time for the both of you to lay all your cards on the table so that you both have a clear understanding on which way this relationship is heading.

2 minutes ago, graphicdesigner said:

Actually, I too am going to walk away from this thread.  But I think for my sanity, I will walk away now. I will definitely re-read this thread as recommended, and try to look at it as an outsider.

Thanks guys! I'm out..

And with that, Thread closed.

I have nothing more to add to all the above comments, other than to say I second them all.  He needs to be an EX.

I have no doubt he knows that you like him. Hard to know though, if the feeling is mutual - at this stage, anyway.  At the moment it seems more one-sided.

3 minutes ago, Brittany613 said:

I haven't been in a relationship with a man for a long time.

I know this sounds like I'm being defensive, but I really don't know how to talk to my "crush" anymore. It seems like my answer was too stupid.

Don't beat yourself up - you plucked up the courage to talk to him in the first place. That's a good start.  Did he seem interested, engaging, smiling, friendly?  Or was he more closed off?  He's a newcomer - maybe treading with caution.

Just now, Brittany613 said:

I asked him (he was a computer science major) if there were more men than women in his major. He said yes. Then I majored in languages in college, and I replied that my major was just the opposite, with more women than men.

Again, it's really hard to tell.  It's not the kind of statement which really requires a reply - maybe he just didn't know what to say?  Sounds shy to me.

2 minutes ago, Brittany613 said:

He and I are from the same company, and he is a newcomer who has recently joined.

Then I started chatting with him on the company's communication software. I wondered if my way of chatting was wrong or what? He didn't read the message I sent him until the next day, and only responded with an emoji.

What was your message?

On the very little information we have, I get the impression he may feel shy or overwhelmed.

Heads up:  Thread is over a year old and the OP has never returned.

4 hours ago, aboutagirl2 said:

 Everyone at work sees how much we like each other and thinks we should date. Everyone asks him when will he ask me out, or makes comments about us getting married someday,

What should I do?

It doesn't matter what "everyone" thinks and it's really jumping the gun by commenting on him marrying you - clearly he doesn't agree with them.  I agree with the posts above, he's not interested in dating you/not into you and believe him when he tells the reasons why.  Always remember, IF he really was interested in dating you he would let you know and make it obvious that he wants to pursue you.

As to what to do:  Do nothing. Let him come to you and if he doesn't then you have your answer.

Being a "7" doesn't always mean you'll attract a lot of men.  Always remember, looks are subjective - what's "7" to one person could be a "4" to another.

That said, personality counts for far more than perceived looks.  Being approachable even more than that.  If nothing is happening at all, for years and years, you're the common denominator.  Ask your friends what they think, as they know you best.

4 hours ago, pineappleafter563 said:

But, before I give him any props, do you think there's another real reason like maybe, he found a girl he liked more than my friend and felt the need the dump my friend for her?

I like to analyze others' relationships to better mine. What's your thoughts?

No-one can possibly know the answer to that as none of us know him.  Only he has the answer to that one.

Also, it's never wise to analyze other peoples' relationships as you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Best to stay in your lane and focus on your own relationship.

With so many red flags waving about, the last thing I would do is think about proposals/weddings/marriage.  Marriage based on lack of trust and deceit etc, usually fails. Heed the warnings.

2 minutes ago, graphicdesigner2005 said:

LOL that's exactly what my therapist says.

Maybe time to listen to your therapist? 😉

11 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You keep switching between "he" and "she" so your post is a little hard to follow.  Is this other person a man or woman?

I was thinking the same thing - it's really hard to follow and confusing.  OP, can you clarify please?

8 hours ago, TeeDee said:

He thinks he's all that & that "older" women would be lucky to have him.   

Print out the email & keep it both in paper & electronically as evidence if he doesn't go away.  

^ I second the above in bold.  I would also report him.

2 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Poorlittlefish, if violent sex/dirty talk is not your cup of tea, you need to walk away now. This is his thing. It's what gets him off and there are some people who are into that, BDSM. Obviously not you.

This is a new relationship, so the sooner you cut the cord the better.

^ This.   Totally sexual incompatible.  I'd make him an EX so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

Littlefish..... don't put up with this. Don't do this to yourself.  He needs to be gone. The sooner the better.

Once trust is broken, it very rarely ever comes back and without trust, you have nothing (imo).

12 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Is this the person you previously posted about who told you he wasn't interested in a relationship?

I was wondering the same thing.  Is this the guy you were "testing"?  If so, I recall he maybe wasn't too interested - I got the impression it's more friendship rather than romantic interest.

OP, it's clear you have made up your mind on what you intend doing.  In that case, there's not much left to say (or advise) other than good luck.

2 hours ago, TA_OAO said:

Oh I definitely  was too emotionally dependent on him. But eventually, with the friendship breaking down, I decided to do so, writing a message to him expressing how I felt about the friendship. He then proceeded to ghost me for two months after sending that message 😕.

I get the impression that whatever you expressed in your message made him really uncomfortable and he didn't know how to handle it.  You mentioned you are gay - maybe he thought you were trying to "get together" with him - and if he is straight, he felt uncomfortable.

I totally agree with ALL the posters above.  OP, what is a little concerning is that no matter what red flags people have pointed out to you, you keep defending and finding excuses. Why is that?  Is your self-esteem so low that you feel you can't do any better?  Or would you say you're the kind who thrives on drama?  What do get out of this mess?

Just reading your subject title, this should tell you everything - it's a dysfunctional "relationship" and a hot mess. Train wreck comes to mind.  Do yourself a huge favor and quit.  You can do a lot better.

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

In Sindy's case, it was the second meet.

We're well aware of that - hence my saying:  " Blatant staring?  Not so good. Wandering eye will always be there, but not being obvious about it. "

5 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

Grown-arse men learn to not be obvious at all...you won't even notice.  Been married for 13+ years now...I have never once seen my hubs check out another woman, once, and I know he's not blind.

^ Been married for a lifetime and I know my husband looks and sees ever female we pass, lol. But, we're also a rather weird couple whereby we actually point out good looking people to each other, lol. I say things like "wow, did you see that stunning woman!?" and his reply is always "yep", lol. Or if I see a rather gorgeous looking man and mention "wow, he's gorgeous", my husband always says "I'll buy him for you for Christmas" 😄

Men will always look.  Women look (I know I do). It's normal human reaction (imo).  Blatant staring?  Not so good. Wandering eye will always be there, but not being obvious about it.

6 hours ago, catfeeder said:

I'd gently let BF know that he doesn't need to respond to what I'm about to say in this moment, he can take some time to think on it. Then I'd tell him that I'm not willing to spend my best fertility years waiting for a proposal. He gets to decide what that means to him, and he can let me know when he wants to discuss this again.

Meanwhile, I'd be making plans for another place to live. If he doesn't revisit the conversation before I've secured my plans, then I'd carry them out, and we'd be over.

^ THIS entire post is worth repeating.  Great post Cat. 👍