dexterpoindexter

I have recently, (and not so recently) been in a similar predicament. It can be a heart wrenching thing to have such an on again, off again relationship. It sounds like you took the first steps and sobered up. Good for you. Keep it that way, because drunkeness is generally considered unattractive by ALL women. A word on your wife: I don't mean to be disrespectful, but i'm my situation, i was constantly wondering why she seemed so detatched until i was walking out the door. When i'd decide to quit she'd do a temporary about face and become mrs. lovy dubby again. I think the other respondant hit the nail on the head. She shopping for the bigger, better deal while keeping her safety net intact. It is a rather self centered approach. The big question about whether she'll come back home or not, is whether you are a better man than the competition....and believe me, when a woman acts so topsy/turvy...there IS competition. (possibly imagined, but more usually it's a real other guy). Sometimes its the excitment of having options available to date that makes a woman feel suddenly empowered. In my relationships, i found that this situation never gets better. Hopefully, she is just waiting to see if you are permanently recovered. More likely, she is using your drinking as an excuse to not be the bad guy in the relationship. HERindecision is about HER not you. She needs to take ownership that she doesn't know what SHE now wants. Regarless of what caused her to become distracted, it is now HER distraction. The first relationship i was in like this involved a cheating girlfriend. It was similar in that, i screwed up first. (I cheated once and confessed it.) Other than my infidelity (which i don't mean to minimize..) i was a devoted partner. I was just a dumb guy one night after a fight we had. She then started playing games. She did the lovy thing, then would act all confused, even mean. There we inconsistencies. She started coming home late. A girl who totally loved me turned into a woman who at times seemed to hate me. I stuck with the changes in behavior for about 6 months until i couldn't take it any more and left. I left heart broken, sure that she was not being honest with me about what was going on. I had to get over a woman i loved. That was 5 years ago, and for the first 3 we didn't talk. I didn't even know where she was. I moved away and so did she. Then she called me one night. We talked and resulting conversations have added clarity where there was only fog before. She admits she was lying to me but we don't talk about specifics. Iscrewed up and she lost faith in me. She loved me, but she lost respect and trust in me. She also had her own self esteem issues to deal with. It took several years apart, but she openly admitted that letting me walk out that day was one of the biggest mistakes of her life. She tried the excitment of relationships with other men and newer relationships. Suffice it to say that, she was distracted, and she needed to find out what she wanted for herself. By the time she had worked out the issue, it was too late. Sad but true. We used to be the couple that everyone envied and expected to marry and live happily ever after. We had 5 years of great relationship before it all fell apart. So what to do....The only way to gain control over this situation is to tell her how you feel and then remove yourself from it. Hopefully, she will figure out what is important before it is too late. You can't make her love you again. All you can do is become a better man than you have been and hope THAT man is appealing to her. The good news is that your child will provide a pragmatic reason for you two not to drift too far apart, so you may have a better shot at getting back into an intimate relationship with your woman than i did. Take charge of the situation and pick a plan and go with it. Women are not attracted to whimpy men. Well, all my bs aside i wish you luck. Sorry my response isnt very well organized. i just sort of ad libbed.