HeartbrokeHarry

She let me spend the night on Friday (in other room) and I woke up and she was chatting online with friend. I asked what they were talking about and she blow up saying that it is not my business. She has a bad cold and she just woke up when I bugged her. I then asked about us. She said no chance, and that she doesnt love me any more. She said she is the happiest she has ever been. Since coming to USA she has always been with a man, never on her own. She said she doesnt have to worry about asking me for anything and she can do whatever she wants. We then had the BIG TALK. I told her I want her to sign a paper stating I am the father of our son. I know its mine, he is JR and I am SR. I then told her I want 50% custody and she was worried about this. She knows nothing of custody payments and process. I explained to her it will be easiest and cheapest if we agree. I told her we are going to sell our townhouse, she thought she was going to stay and I was going to help pay. She became very scared of her future. She was worried how she was going to survive. In the past I was sending $200 a month to the Philippines for her parents. She doesnt know how she is going to support them. I told her that this is not my concern. We then spent the rest of the weekend together. We acted like nothing has happened between us. Holding my arm, my waist and my shoulder, and even hugging me. Stilll saying us, we and calling me HUN. Its funny (not really) are relationship seems to be the best it has ever been (when we are together) in a long time, since the split. I always make her laugh. I wish I could turn my back and go on with life. But I feel that we have something still, even though she told me its over. She at one point told me to stay at the house and she will move out. She said she hates to sell the house. I am hoping and praying this is because there might still be hope. She gives me so many mixed signals. I am now starting to feel better about myself. I am starting to think I can live with out her. But then I fall for her when she is so nice. I have taken advice from a lot of people. I am taking care of myself the best I can. Quiting drinking has opened my eyes to so much. I feel like a new man, even though my heart is bleeding. I have lost 25 lbs since our split. I call it the 7 week heartbroken diet. All it takes is to loose the love of your life, 3-4 hours sleep a day, 10-15 cups of coffee and 4-7 meals a week. Anyway, thanks for all the advice on my post and on others. This site has helped me a lot with dealing with my sadness.

My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my 13 month old son left me 6 weeks ago. This is the hardest thing that I have ever faced in my life. We were so much in love, the only thing we argued about was my drinking. I was an occasional drinker, up until my father had serious health problems, then I started to drink more. She has never liked this. She warned me in the past that she would leave me. I could not brake free until it was too late. I have now been sober for 6+ weeks, too late though. She has told me from the beginning to a couple of weeks ago that it is over, maybe a chance in 6 months or so. I have not brought this up recently, but she reminds me that it is over, but acts nice to me. We own a house together and 2 cars. She told me that she wanted to stay friends for our son. It would have been so much easier to leave her without having our son. It would have been easier if she was mean and turned her back on me. But, here is my problem. Every day that she has off, we are together. I am trying like hell to fix this problem. We go out shopping and we went to San Francisco 1 day. Everytime that we are together we act like best friends, I always make her laugh. She will occasionally put her arm around mine, I will hug her and rub her back (sometimes kiss her head). She has let me give her a generic back massage, and a few feet massages. She always calls me HUN. She will say we and us in future terms. (ex. we should by the XMen 1 DVD since we know we will buy XMen2) A few times I have left her in a store and came back looking for her, and she would wave at me and smile, like she was so happy that I found her. She will call me a few times a day and tell me about her day or how our son is doing. She lets me see him as much as I want, for now. She invites me to do things with her, not all things. She will not let me know, even if I ask, what she did when she goes out. I let her stay at the house for now and I stay at my parents, I have slept at our house (in a separate bed) for 40% of the time since brake up. When she talks to me from work, she has different tone, like putting up a front for coworkers. When we are not hanging out on her days off, she treats me different. Sometimes good all the way to mean. When she gets mean she says sorry. She is from the Philippines and her culture is different, so I cant tell if this is why she is being nice. I met her in the US. She has never had a true best friend, to talk too her in US. She has a semi-good friend in NY, that she will say bad things about. I have been talking to this friend, she says she is keeping that a secret. She 1st told me that my girlfriend said that we have a chance and that she still loves me. Then I had her call my girlfriend back with questions I gave her. Her friend then told me it is over and there is no chance. I should move on. It is hard to understand her friend since she has poor english and little emotion. I dont know if what she told friend was true or confusion still. How long does it take for a women to make up her mind. Should I give her more time. Should I let her play with my heart anymore. I would do anything to fix this relationship and to keep my sons parents together. Why is she so nice to me, is she confused or just thinking we are friends. The days we are together I feel that at any time we will be back together, then during the week I tear myself apart and say its probably over. I talked to a lawyer about child custody. I am screwed. She can make it (if she wanted too) that I could see him 4 hours during the week and alternating weekends. At my pay and hers, I would pay $500 a month plus 1/2 childcare and medical/dental. I could pay up to $800 - $900 a month, that would leave me in the ghetto. What a messed up situtiation. Any thoughts would be appreciated.