Hi... this is my first time posting, and I'm feeling very emotional right now. I'd really appreciate your help... sorry if it's a bit long... just trying to get it all out. Thanks.
I have a boyfriend of over 3 years... we've been living together for 6 months, and have been talking of marriage and kids. He's a photographer, and a few weeks ago he went to an out-of-state photography workshop. I was upset that he'd be away for a little over a week, but I knew it was good for him, so I supported him in his decision to go. He called every night, and I knew he was getting a lot out of the workshop, so I was happy. He said his photography was really improving.
When he came back, he didn't seem that happy to see me. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I became suspicious when he brought out an expensive necklace that he bought me as a souvenir. (He never buys me expensive stuff.) Anyway, over the next few days, lies upon lies were told.
I finally pulled something out of him... he said there was an assignment on the human body. Initially, he said it was required to be a nude portrait... he lied about that. He was paired up with a girl a few years older than me and he never told me about this assignment. To "get comfortable," they went skinny dipping in a nearby lake. They each went on to photograph each other naked, both of them being naked the entire time. They talked and swam together naked.
He maintains that there was no touching or anything sexual, and I believe that much. But he did say that she was pretty and that she had a "nice body." What's more is I asked why he did it.. why he crossed that boundary.. he said a few things:
1. it was a photographic challenge
2. he wanted to see her naked
3. he was lonely and wanted an emotional connection to her
If he wanted to do the assignment in a truly photographic way, he could have explained it to me on the phone, and I would have been more understanding of it. This way, I feel betrayed and deceived. He was hiding it because he knew I would react this way.
Again, all of this had to be forced out of him. This is when I really lost it... we have had a completely monogamous relationship, no desire for others, nothing. I was lonely when he was gone as well, but I would never have sought out someone else.
So, he did not truly "cheat" on me... it was an assignment. But he did not have to do it with either of them being naked. That was his choice. He said that he didn't even think about me the entire time.
What can I do? I love him more than anything... I've been waiting for a proposal of marriage, and kids... and now I feel like my entire world is crumbling down.
Also, I'm embarrassed to tell any family members or friends... so I've come here. Please share your thoughts... any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Sonya