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fiffy

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Everything posted by fiffy

  1. fiffy
    hey babes23 It has just made me think 'right that's it!' I am never going to speak to him again and I am going to get my life back on track. If its the last thing I do I am going to become happy, get over him and have the life I have always wanted. I just feel sorry for her. He used her to get at me. I would never speak to my ex whilst I was with a new lover it is so inapproprate! Plus he can't care about her that much because he has been on a dating site all night and all yesterday. you seem to be doing really well babes. Initially you could only do 2-3 days was that right? and now your on the road to healing. Maybe getting past one week is a milestone. I read somewhere today if you can go NC 3-4 weeks the patterns in your brain start to change so it becomes easier to get over someone.
  2. fiffy
    Cas thats great! I have been reading your posts before I started posting and you seem so much stronger- it just goes to show how powerful NC is. Last night my ex put his new girlfriend on the phone to me. It was so humiliating. He didn't tell me he was seeing someone he just did that. Despite that heartache I have felt ok today. Its kind of like closure and just reminds me how cruel he is- definitely not a gentleman!
  3. fiffy
    hey funkymonkey3 how long have you guys been split up? Has the depression surfaced from the break-up? Is it really affecting your life? I think your doing really brilliantly 17 days is impressive- over halfway there!!! You are better than her anyway and you are showing that by keeping cool and not exploding at her. Can I ask what you have just realised? What did she lie about? How are you Cas? What day are you on?
  4. fiffy
    DAY 1 Have been better today after coping with my drama of yesterday. Just feel sorry for the new girl who has no idea the abuse she is about to endure! Does anyone know of any good books to deal with relationship abuse? Am seeing a couple of councellors and NLP practitioners- I guess it will be a long slow road! PS. How well is babes23 doing! I am so amazed and proud!
  5. fiffy
    Robert Do not respond to this or say you don't have to buy my son anything. She is using him as a pawn- Don't let her. Don't let her make him an excuse for contact, he is a little boy and if she really cared she would not behave this way. If you receive a wrapped present for him in the post then give it to him and explain it came from your ex and she still cares and thinks of him. Don't engage with her over these excuses of contact x
  6. fiffy
    even mucked up day one again- its no wonder I have been in this situation for 6 months I am a failure
  7. fiffy
    dqueen I am with you every step of the way. My heart is in pieces after I spoke to my ex yesterday at first he gave me glimmers of hope but then he trashed me to the floor. I feel broken today- like I don't even exist most of the time I don't want to exist and by nature I am a really happy person I just got detroyed in an abusive relationship. I have spent every moment since I woke up wanting to call my ex but I know it won't change anything. I bet the same is for you. All we can do is try to stick to the No Contact challenge and the only way we will ever know if an ex truly loves us is say three months down the line when we are happy and bounced back and completely over them and they come begging for forgiveness in a state of depression themselves for all the bad things they did. Hopefully we will be strong enough at that point to laugh at them.
  8. fiffy
    Hey Lissy was just wondering if you were the dumper or dumpee because I struggle when my ex calls. He dumped me. I had one monster of an argument with my ex last night. He has always said the most cruelest things and I am struggling to cope. It is back to day one for me and I really want to go the full 30 days this time. dqueen it is so hard when you love someone to hold onto those feelings and hope of a reconciliation. He is basically telling you your second best- don't stand for it! I am struggling so much with these feelings- join me and lets show them what we are made of. Even if it hurts like hell these bad men need to know there is no one for them to fall back on. They are alone just as we are now. Please be strong just resume NC and try again. Just fake it until you make it. You have so much support on this site you can do it! Hey Jennamajig I will join you back to day one- I agree there is a feeling of dirtiness after you have made contact with an ex!
  9. fiffy
    Thanks babes Without this forum I would be lost I feel so much calmer now, and I know that I only get really upset when I talk to him. He makes me so angry with telling me he loves me and there might be a future but not to get my hopes up. He is just having his cake and eating it. I obviously hurt him when I ignored his calls this week so out of my hate for him I want to make him feel that pain 100 times worse. So this time I want to meet the 30 days NC Challenge- so I had a few false starts I guess I can still get back on the horse.
  10. fiffy
    Hey Jenna, Thanks for your support I have deleted his number but unfortunately I know it off by heart! I think the calendar idea is great and I will do one today. I am going to restart no contct as of now so tomorrow will be my day 1. It is so hard to break contact when he still calls and gives me snippets of hope. He obviously doesnt want me out of his life but I fear it is only out of massaging his own ego and not out of any love for me.
  11. fiffy
    Guys I messed up big time! Called him this morning- was wondering why he didn't call if he was coming up to see me. At first the converstation went well. He said he was worried about me and missed me terribly. He even asked me to go away for the weekend to visit his parents. Then I told him about all the * * * * I had seen him doing and how sick it made me feel. I also said he should have told me he wasn't coming up via a message. It all turned ugly because then he was with his brother and did not want to speak. I am in tears because all conversation does is lead to horrible things being said. I tried to talk to my sister and she said I was pathetic and she is sick of it. I have ended up with full blown depression from all of this I am suicidal on a daily basis and everyone thinks its a joke. Why did I call him? It was so stupid. I am wondering if I will ever make a week NC. I feel like I fail at everything. How can not calling someone be the hardest thing for me to do? I just feel so low now and all my hard work has gone to waste and as usual he is out having fun and I am crying in my room. I can't take being a weak and pathitic person. I try so hard but always fail. No one else on this site is incapable of even going a week NC after 5 months of break up. Please help
  12. fiffy
    how long have you guys been split up? You are really doing so well and proving him wrong is the biggest satisfaction!
  13. fiffy
    hey babes so happy for you staying strong last night through your wobble!!! I totally know my ex does not want me- he just wants me crying running after him so he feels like a god!! narcissistic pig!!!! I know he is playing games but I am so proud that I have found the strength to say enough is enough something really changed in me this week! tonight is a killer though- secretly I wanted him to give in and call he can't appear week after I ignored his calls and messages though yesterday- he is too proud!! I know that if he loved me that much he would turn up begging for another chance- since I know that is not going to happen healing myself through NC is the only way to go! Is 7 days the longest you have been NC babes? How you feeling today ?
  14. fiffy
    oh god feeling so outta control tonight have found my ex back up on a dating site. I was told in these patterns of push pull in a relationship dynamic that my ex would do things to try and get me back in the game of jealousy and hurt. He had pulled his profile off this site a few weeks ago because it was upsetting for me but after ignoring his calls he has gone back on. Its like as a punishment for me not giving him attention and I guess he hopes he will get a call from me sobbing with upset. Does anyone else think this is what is happening here?
  15. fiffy
    Hey guys I really need your support tonight/tomorrow. Last week my ex had agreed to come and see me this weekend to talk about what happened. The last time I saw him was 5 months ago when I left his house in the morning after spending the night together. I have tried NC many times and failed but after seeing perverse dating ads on the net I told him I hated him and never wanted to speak to him again. That was sunday night/monday morning so I'm 4/5 days NC. He has called me everyday since. I have been strong and ignored them or had my phone reject them. I know he will either call tonight to see if our plans are still on or he will not call because I have been ignoring him and he wants me to run to him desperately begging him to see me this weekend. I need to stay strong and get through this any suggesstion?
  16. fiffy
    Feeling used is part of the process I feel that way like all the life has been sucked out of me. He took the best from me and I feel thrown out and abandoned. Completely used and discarded. I think confronting those feelings is part of the healing process. Hating is good because the anger helps move you forward. I think your doing really well and you haven't been saying that you want him back so well done and keep it up xx
  17. fiffy
    Babes you are doing so well! You have done a week just remember how one call will put you right back at the start! Keep it up. I know how you feel it is a sad memory that escalates into an over acting imgination then panic then an emaotional call which backfires and ends up with you being more hurt. Its so hard and I have done it a thousand times. Being on here helps so much everyone is here to help you through it. We are all struggling in the same boat. I try to keep in mind that one day what goes around comes around and he will realise loosing you was the bigest regret of his life. Then he can struggle with the torment of NC!!!! Trust me it happens. It happened to my last boyfriend of 7 years. I was heartbroken after that and he just * * * * ed around until it dawned on him. He has spent the last few years in deep depression and looks like he aged 10 years. I thought I would feel some satisfaction but I just felt sad for him.
  18. fiffy
    Robert I agree NC makes me smile more than LC. SOmetimes it is excruciating but I feel I am getting stronger. Babes23 we are all here for you. I hate those crap nights. I find internet shopping helps or just try to sleep it off. Sometimes it is better to be dead to the world than sat up all night thinking about him.
  19. fiffy
    That is so bad. 8 yr olds are not stupid and they are receptive to what is going on. Its really bad form to discuss that in front of a child. She was obviously there for her own needs she wasn't thinking about the innocent child in all of this. He too has to accept her leaving and she should have been more considerate of that and showered with him with affection. She should know that it is important for her to show him that it wasn't his fault because he is at an impressional age. It sounds to me like she was just trying to make a point to you. do you think she is trying to hurt you in some way? do you think she still cares?
  20. fiffy
    Your calm manner is amazing and so classy. Being so dignified just makes her look like a skank. I cannot believe she discussed that over dinner with your son. Its appaling! How old is he (if you don't mind me asking)? Is he old enogh to comprehend what she was saying about a new lover?
  21. fiffy
    dqueen don't worry if I could tell you the amount of times I have caved in in the last 5 months it would shock you! Its very difficult and him sending you and e-mail the other day made sure that he planted a seed in your head of contacting him. Don't put yourself down it is so hard but you are doing really well just making the decision. I noticed the other day you mentioned he e-mailed you. What did it say? how long have you guys broke up? how long is the longest you have gone nc?
  22. fiffy
    RObert013 I think you are doing brilliantly and you are still managing to have a sense of humour through all the * * * * you are being put through! Your ex is a joke she is obviously trying to force a reaction from you, and the new partner is the easiest way to get a massive reaction. You are incredibly strong and you are obviously winding her up something rotten. You have got to question why she still makes contact over pathetic things and why she needs to show you her new life. If she was so happy and so over you why would she care to show you? Its now time for her pain!! Well done, kep it up xx
  23. fiffy
    Hey Babes23, Completely can relate to that sinking feeling when you first wake up in the morning. It's like as soon as you open your eyes you remember your ex is no longer next to you and the whole break-up comes flooding back. For me it is the worst point. If I let it take over it can ruin my day and I just spend it despairing. I am on day 3 although technically I haven't spoke to him in 4 days. I just sent a message on that first day (monday) telling him how repulsed I was and that I never wanted anything to do with him again. Surprisingly I am feeling ok. This is the first time I have entered no contact because I never want to see or hear from the slimeball again. Usually I did it as a ploy to get back with him. I have realised he is suffering from Narcissistic personality disorder. I came upon it by chance and everything used to describe this type of person is him down to a T. I spent so long blaming myself believing that as he said I was not slim or pretty enough to inspire him to have sex with me or to kiss me. Finding out narcissists cannot have intimacy helped me to stop putting myself down. I have had a horrible journey with this break-up and feel like I have had the life sucked out of me but I am beggining to feel strong again. I am ignoring all his efforts. On monday I had my phone reject all calls- He tried 12 times, on tuesday the same, he tried once. On wednesday he didn't call then today he tried at 6.45am which I ignored. I also ignored a message regarding if I wanted to sell a bag I have which was weird. But all in all I am proud of myself and have felt no temptation to answer these attempts.
  24. fiffy
    Hey babes 23 I think you are right about exs enjoying the struggle and contacting them. It makes them feel wanted to know we still care. Thats why NC is the only way to go. Their big fat heads need to be brought back to earth They ain't all that!!!
  25. fiffy
    Thanks for your support again You are right I would not want this man back. He is so hurtful. He cheated on me with a girl who is the total opposite of me. I am very fair blonde hair blue eyes etc she was black curly hair etc I have now seen he has put posts all over the internet seeking a beautiful black women, saying how he finds white blonde girls unattractive. It is so weird it is almost disturbing. I feel like he is trying to put me down at every step of the way. I feel like an ugly piece of trash I shouldn't be looking. But after seeing that I hate him so much I will never want to be near him again I just want to be over this horrible person. He is not the person I got together with. I am at the wits end most days I am depressed to the point of suicidal all over this guy. He as trodden all over me and he should know better at 37.
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