Shiver

Seems so petty that i would let this get to me. Thanks for your replies though, and one year is a very long time to get over someone. This entire situation just causes me to question my friends motives....but there is more to life. It was me that broke it off with him...i wasnt what he wanted in a girlfriend, and he was extremely jeaslous of all my guy friends and that just annoyed me. I making a big fuss over nothing...i know!

The last six years i have had the most amazing friend. Shes beautiful funny and everyone likes her. We have been through some of the roughest times together and seem to have over come most things with our friendship intact. Although i really do love her to pieces im so jealous of her. Like i said she is gorgeous, slim figure, big eyes and the longest dark hair. And she has such a bubbly personality, shes irristable and is always the centre of attention. She has so many men just falling at her feet and she just loves it. And until lately he has always been the one to stick up for me. There was talk that my ex boyfriend who i broke up with just on a year ago as coming back for awhile. Recently my friend received text messages from him asking her out...although she was flattered she didnt reply to him, as hes my ex and all. She also said that when she did see him that she was going to ask him what the deal was with asking her out, she was gonna be a friend and stick up for me. A day later she comes into my work and tells me that shes going to her schools formal with him!Honesly it really hurt, although it was a year ago that i broke up with him. But we did go out for a year and for seveenteen year olds, that is a long time. We shared a really special bond and he was my first love and he had a huge impact on my life . Although i have left school i still attended the formal and just paid no attention to him, and ignored them both when they were together. I did have a good time, i made sure it was obvious that i was having fun! I just dont know where i stand with my friend any more. She was the one i bitched to about him before we broke up...Im not even sure how i should feel about it all....is it wrong to be jealous after all this time? I just feel like she kinda ditched me, and i really dont even want to get started on him...(is this his idea of revenge?)Although he is my used goods right?! Im not so sure weather she wants my trust or not...if she does shes go a funny way of showing it

If i was not so afraid of the oppinions of others i think that we would still be together. I was 16 and he was just about to turn 30 the first time we made love. I was so terrifired of what other people would think that i refused to aknowlage the fact that we were having a relationship, even after 4 months of sleeping together. One night we sat down and had a serious talk and he told me that he loved me and wasnt sure if he could take the secrecy anymore. Things kinda changed from then on in. I guess i kinda woke up to what i had been going for the last four months behind everyones backs. I stopped talking to my lover with out giving him any reason. Looking back that was the most difficult thing i have done yet. I was so confused about what i had been going and why. It took two months for me to talk to him again. When we did talk he asked me to come back to him and have a real relationship, one which people would know about. I turned him down. Im just generally terrified about what others will think. Also i fear that i would miss out on so much by being with someone 14 years my senior, he has already experienced so much of life, which i have not. We stil talk often and he still invites me to his place and tells me that he loves me although he is no longer 'in love' with me. I know i stil have feelings for him and i really miss him. I miss everything about him and at times i wish we still had what we did. One minute i will be wanting him back in my life and the next i wont. Im so scared that i might give in, because some times i just want to. I think i just need someone to tell me what i was doing was wrong and that i must never do it again!