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Hollyj

Platinum Member
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Posts posted by Hollyj

  1. 1 hour ago, Dmrrr said:

    I get that and I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure there are forums that those exact teenagers/kids are on that you can help. This site might not be the best place for you to advise on if you’re just going to take out the anger you have toward your own parents on the parents on here asking for HELP! It makes us scared to ask for HELP!

    If you have “compassion and empathy” for your child, then why are you still with him? 

    • Like 1
  2. 1 hour ago, Cutiebug123 said:

    I know she has a daily report center she goes to for testing and I believe she takes classes, I’m guessing they’d excuse a week for a wedding and that’s how she’d be able to go or maybe it’s biweekly or something. Also maybe virtual right now in the wake of COVID stuff. She’s a while away from getting her kids back though, unfortunately, lots of health problems from the opiates. She almost didn’t make it last year about a month after having her second son. 

    I think her focus should be on the recovery and kids. 

    • Like 1
    • Thanks 1
  3. 32 minutes ago, Beth75 said:

    Do you think just because it’s on grass he can leave it there? It’s not on a footpath but I still think it’s gross 

    People  do walk on the grass.   I hate people people that do not clean up after their animals.  He is lazy, inconsiderate and a slob. Why have you continued to date him?  I would have dumped him after seeing his home.  How often does he wash his bedsheets?

    You know that this is not okay.

    • Like 2
  4. 1 hour ago, Beth75 said:

    It’s very messy and unclean I would struggle to live like that 

    How can you tolerate this.  It's cringeworthy.  How often does he bathe and brush his teeth?

  5. Yes.  It would bother me.  I think that either you accept his piggy ways or find a more suitable bf.

    None of his behavior would work for me.  Gross. 

    • Like 2
  6. 8 minutes ago, gumdropbuttons17 said:

    He just has to trust you on his own. If you're comfortable, you can tell him you're not hiding anything and he can check your phone if he feels the need. Of course this can lead to toxic behavior so be careful. Try your best to keep your head up and repeat that you have never and never plan on cheating on him as you love him too much. It sounds like he's insecure due to the past. This is something he needs to work on, not you .

     She should not offer her phone.  She should also not have to reassure him that she did not cheat, or will not cheat.   She should be done with him.

    • Like 1
  7. 5 minutes ago, Dmrrr said:

    We actually live with my mother and my sister. We pay rent but it’s technically her house. I’ve asked her for help leaving in the past and she says she doesn’t want to get involved. I don’t necessarily blame her as there have been so many times over the years that I’ve just gone back to him. However, another user said I can still have him removed from the home even though it’s not my house. So that’s what I’m going to do. I almost feel like a hostage. I tell him how bad we’re hurting our daughter and it’s better for us to be apart. He will NOT leave. He also pays most of the bills and holds things like that over my head. I try to have an adult conversation about separating and he almost like talks in circles and acts so confused until I’m so tired of debating about it and trying to explain my point that I just give up and let him stay. I guess it’s just manipulation tactics. Also, someone commented and said I’M an abuser as well. That really upset me because I know I’m better than this. I know I’m a good person and am just with someone that brings out the absolute worst in me. Sometimes I feel like the only way I’d ever truly get away from him is if one of us died. Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it.

    You are an adult, why should she get involved?   Throw him out!

    If he is abusing you, why would he be allowed to stay?  Stop making excuses and contact a hotline and ask about a path to getting him out.

    • Like 1
  8. 23 hours ago, thatguypaul said:

    Okay, my bad, I guess this would be a too literal translation into English. What I mean is a "therapist or psychiatrist specializing in sexual disorders."

    As for all the people ready to throw this poor dude under the bus: maybe catch some perspective? You don't know him at all. I made it clear he wasn't like this before. He was the opposite of this. He was responsible, put together, if anything too serious. He had a family of his own, a stable job, a normal life. It's only in the last couple of years he lost his s**t, and part of that is due to serious medical problems.

    Yeah, I can ghost him like everybody else. Is that what we should all do whenever somebody loses their way?

    It may be one of us someday. You never know. I sincerely hope my family or friends don't act like you bunch if/when I need them.

    Yes, If he's not willing to listen or change at all, I will have no choice but to back away eventually. But I'm not ready to give up on him just yet.

    Get help.

    But, this is who he is now.  That should be enough.  People change.  You spoke to him, he does not want to change.  

    Fine.  You have no reason to complain if you choose to continue to hang around with this jerk.  

    • Like 3
  9. I would wonder why you even hang out with this fool.  You did not communicate for many years, I do not understand why you feel you need to be his keeper.  There is a reason that he doesn't have friends, as he sounds like a creep.

    It seems like his "health problems" have not had any affect on his social life.   

    • Like 1
  10. 6 hours ago, Bothered2021 said:

    I agree. I have tried to make some personal changes. First by getting involved with a psychiatrist and taking meds. I am waiting to be able to get in with a therapist. I have been googling things I can do to improve as well as reading some self help info. The therapist part will help me immensely. 
    I have lost weight, not nearly as much as I would like but 20 pounds since the middle of January. I have put emphasis on me time and trying to open up to my best friend who is also going through the same thing but due to worse circumstances her ex has no choice but to stay out of her life. But I have seen her go from being totally lost without him to being much happier. So I know that I would survive. It’s just a scary leap 

    A big part of the weight loss should be your bf.   He is horrible for your mental and physical health.   After you do leave this jerk, be single for a long time.  A lot of healing and self reflection needs to be done, due to your choices in men. 

    Of course you would survive.  You also need to realize that all of this has a horrible effect on your kids.  Very toxic environment.  Get them out of there!

    • Like 1
  11. 3 hours ago, Bothered2021 said:

    Yeah I’m seeing that the issue is deeper. He didn’t lose his job, nobody talks to their ex except about kid stuff.Covid didn’t have an impact on it. 
    I think we rushed into it. Had the honeymoon phase. I moved in with him 6 months later, (we have been together for 3.5 years). That’s when things changed. It’s his house, I get told to leave if he’s mad. I can’t move furniture around or buy it. I collect things, most are kept in a trunk because he doesn’t like the stuff I collect. Except I have a 4 tier shelf to display some stuff. Point is, he basically has an issue with who I am as a person which I didn’t realize somehow until I dug deep and reflected. I don’t do anything right, my accomplishments mean nothing to him. I’m not gonna keep going because I could go on for days. 
    I guess I could answer your question about when it changed and why we stopped talking but I’d literally have to write a book

    What do you get out of this?  it sounds miserable.

    • Like 1
  12. Why are you with this guy if he is making comments about your appearance.  That's horrible. 

    Have you tried to make some personal change for you?  A healthier lifestyle will make you feel better and improve your self esteem.  It sounds like you have miserable for some while

     

    Ditch this guy as he also contributes to your lack of self worth.   

    • Like 1
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