Hollyj

3 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I gave my notice to those effers on April 12! This is my last week!!

😁😁😁😁😁

I start the new job on May 3.

Did I miss it?  What did Simon say?

When do you tell Simon and when do you start the new job??   

6 hours ago, Atlguy said:

This is laughable.  You must not be in the dating scene or out of it for a very long time.  50 states means nothing.  If you live more than 10 miles from a single woman, she isn't going to pursue a relationship.  California is a great example.  LA is so huge that singles think a 30 mile drive isn't worth the effort.  I don't have that mentality, but the women I met in Dallas for example, thought like this.  Sure, there's 330 million people in the U.S.  How many are single women within a certain radius who are a match for me? Not many.

I Pursued her because of common values, family oriented, and obviously there's attraction.  Is she the most beautiful woman I've ever been with? I will probably say yes as our relationship strengthens because its the whole package thats important.  It's subjective, but we have a ton of chemistry.  I'm not a fool and I know that alone is nowhere near enough.  We get along well when we're together and the issues we have had we've talked through.  We're learning how to resolve disagreements, which to me is so important.  We both still need to work on it, but the key is we are working on it.

Hmmm.   I live in the Tri-state area and date beyond my immediate area.   I have read on this site  many cases of people not dating within their immediate area-yes, 10 miles and beyond.  I think you are misstating facts.

10 minutes ago, LotusBlack said:

@dias Because I couldn’t respond in your own thread/journal.

”Something does not add up here. Very rich people buy green cards, they don't get married for visas, this is the procedure for poor opportunist lol. She must have been a very good con artist to sell this story so well. ”

In some circumstances they do. My father was living and working in Singapore and the company he worked for used a product she had created. That was how they met. He didn’t go to Asia looking for a wife. She also owned a fair bit of land that was bought out and developed for commercial use in a number of regions. My father stayed with her in some of her properties in China for quite some time and they were unquestionably hers.

I remember on one occasion being a bit put off by the fact that she had one of only 2 known sundials in her house. The other was in a museum. As should “hers” have been. As an archaeologist, I have an issue with people buying artefacts for private collections, especially when there are so few of particular objects. It wasn’t a copy either.

She and my father also bought several properties when they moved back to Australia, though she contributed the largest portion for one and entirely paid for the others on her own. Her money was very real and my father’s pride at providing for his wife was put to the test on many occasions as he often was the one who couldn’t keep up. It didn’t make sense to us why she chose to live a lie for 5 years and go the route she did when she could have just taken 18 months and gone through the immigration channel by herself as an investor. But after 7 years of this being dragged out in the courts with my father trying to hold on to the one house they bought together, his lawyer found that she’d been trying to stay under the radar with a number of questionable business dealings that implicated her both in China and Australia. That was why she used my father - to appear as just a woman in love who wanted to live in Australia with him. She’s still loaded, still in Australia, and still a calculating woman. It’s not the typical story, but it does happen. She is, as you said, a good con artist because she managed to stay in character for 5 solid years, pretending to love my father. That’s true, but so is her money - which much of it was probably was obtained in questionable ways.

I feel for your dad.   What a nightmare.

21 hours ago, Atlguy said:

Not true.  I'm dead serious about moving.  Yes, politics and weather are factors.  Though my home state has gone the wrong way politically, its still my first choice.  If I could work from home, I would have been long gone.  I actually can work from home, but have a horrible boss who plays favorites.  I'm not one. I will not put my financial future at risk and move without a job to go to.  Just can't be that irresponsible.  Some people can, I can't.

Holly, you don't know what you're talking about.  Easy to judge from where you sit.

 

I am going from what you wrote.  And I believe that this is the title of YOUR thread: "About to end my 90 day fiancee adventure."   I  am a tad confused by your response.

You seem to have all the answers, as you are not listening to those who you know or the posters on this site.  I am a bit confused as to why you created the thread?

4 minutes ago, Atlguy said:

I understand why you would think I'm desperate, but the reality is I'm very selective.  I stand up for myself all the time and refuse to be walked on (as my dad was) by a woman.  Thats not to say I'm an alpha jerk, just not a pushover.  So my eyes are open.  All your suggestions have already been tried.  Matchmakers aren't worth their fee, trust me on that one. 

You make moving sound so simple, but it isn't.  Simple in theory, not in reality.  Trust me, its all I've worked on for 5 years now.  I just won't move to a state that I don't like such as California, New York, Massachusetts, etc.  Yes, there are more jobs in my industry in those states, but I would hate living there as much or more than here.  I didn't mention all the states I'd consider.  Colorado and Florida are also on the list, but really, southeastern states are what I want for my own quality of life and similar culture to what I'm used to.

I'm not clinging to her, but I also don't want to give up too easy.  Its a hard decision.  My gut tells me this can work and the misunderstandings will diminish over time.  You never really know someone until you live with them and it is a risk.  But I knew my ex-wife for nearly 4 years before we got married and we lived together for a couple years first.  I had no doubts, yet here I sit divorced.  No guarantees.

If you were selective you would not be choosing her. 
 

So many issues staring you in the face, yet you want to forge ahead.  That’s nuts!   I don’t expect the marriage to last long.  Enjoy supporting her ! 

This has disaster written all over it.  So many red flags!  What is the age difference? 

So many options.  How fantastic!

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Finally got offer. It's better than I expected. I told them I'd let them know on Monday, but I'm 99.999% sure I'll laccept.

Goin out to celebrate.... 🎉

Yay, Yay, Yay!

28 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Literally eight minutes after I posted that, a recruiter called me and told me there was an offer in the pipeline. Supposedly, it will come through tomorrow. We shall see....

Whoop, whoop!  Thrilled for you! 

Any new news? 

OMG!   Just catching up on all of this.  I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this garbage.  Terrible.  

You are going to find something soon.   Keep us posted!!!

If he does not shower or brush his teeth, then no sex.   

He is an adult, the behavior cannot be excused due to his childhood.

What is he "struggling" with?  

11 minutes ago, glamguru said:

A bit of both. There are times when he approaches me and it’s been 24+ hours since his last shower and teeth brushing (never more than 48) and well that’s a no... whether morning or night. But yeah I am hypersensitive and that’s something I had to come to conclusion with after reflecting. I can notice even faint scents. I can smell peoples natural body scents even if they’re not offensive or loud. I told him that because of this, it would help if he sprinzes some cologne in the AM (on the nightstand). So in short, showering everyday just once , brushing twice a day and a bit of cologne in the am is all I ask for. He still can’t do that...

I don't think you are asking for much.  I would expect the same.  Not brushing teeth for two days.  beyond disgusting.  What are his teeth like?  Does he see a dentist?

This is who he is.  If you go back the same problems exist.  He will NOT change.  

Block and delete him.

Have you considered therapy for low self esteem? 

6 minutes ago, sadchick83 said:

Wow, surprised to read all the harsh comments.  Reverse the genders here, and “he" would be getting high fives. All kinds of respected men date/are married to women 25+ years younger. Maybe not 18 years old, but much younger.

I think 18 is too young, if he was a few years older I think it would remove some of the “taint.” I also have a lot of younger men hitting on me frequently and I too try to date guys my age.  Just my opinion, but it is a lot harder to connect with men in their late 40s. I try and generally it doesn’t work out, or they are scarce - one’s that are single that is.  I recently put a lot of effort into an age appropriate guy who basically vanished. The younger guys are aggressive and make it easy, and generally don’t vanish.

Enjoy/live the moment.  You aren’t going to marry the guy, but you probably wouldn’t be marrying the next 40 year old either. 

 

I would. NOT be giving “high fives” to a man in his 40’s who wants to date a teenager!  I don’t think that anyone else here would either. 

What can you possibly have in common other than sex?

How foolish do you think you would look to your family, friends, and employer?

Do any of you date people who are single, or only pursue those who are married.  One thing you can count on, much more cheating.  This is a mess!

2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

  Thank you Holly,

 I have volunteered for two adaptive sports programs for years.  The director or one has already offered me a paid position but I think I will stick to the volunteer status for now.  I am also starting a Youtube channel which should be a fun challenge or a hilarious disaster.  I certainly had a full plate after work all these years remolding family and friends houses, fishing, hiking, camping, kayaking, painting show cars metal yard art and several other stuff I like doing.

   I am looking forward to continuing all those things but at a more relaxed pace.  Do you have a routine in the mornings or do you just wing it?

Lost

That sounds wonderful.  I think you will be surprised at how busy you will be.  
 

I am self-employed,  so I am able to wing it.  

Have  an amazing birthday! 🥳 

Congrats to you!   

I am partially retired.   Time is still full with errands, volunteering and travel -Covid has made that a bit of an issue-friends, and mom.  What are your interests?   A dear friend had taken up art classes, and she's very good.  I think that you will soon find your time to be full, as you reconnect with folks and discover new passions.  

9 hours ago, OverTheMoon21 said:

Thank you for your reply, and yes, he will never change. I don't really expect much from him, but given that the relationship ended because of his lies, I would have hoped he'd be more sincere as a friend (he swore he would never lie to me again no matter what). 

I tend to avoid confrontation as much as possible, which is why I generally don't call out my female friends either when I know they aren't being truthful. I just hate being taken for a gullible fool when the reality is that I am extremely aware of the reality around me, but I have to pretend to be dim just to placate people and not embarrass them.

 

Why are these people you "friends?"   It sounds like your picker is really off and you make very poor choices.

I am 57 and am still making new friends-well, pre pandemic.   I met many new people through volunteering and mutual friends. .  You can also meet others through Meetups, class, clubs (hiking, walking etc..)   There are a lot of great people out there, you just have to be more selective.   Tolerating lying and other shady behavior should be a deal breaker.   This is why you have bad experiences as you allow crappy people into your life.

Another red flag should be someone that does not have any friends.  Just like your ex.  There is a reason why he doesn't have friends.

Why do you engage with someone you can't trust?!   Is he your only friend?

You should have cut him off after he cheated on you.  This guy lacks character and is not your friend .

30 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

It's laying on a puppy. And there's a chick standing off to its left, looking none too pleased.

Love it!

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

Looks like a Chihuahua.

Did the chicken pin down the dog?

What is that chicken laying on?