feelingsolow1607306447

first of all, just wanted to express my sincere appreciation for the feedback. I wasn't sure how much (if any) appreciation for my side of the situation would be felt. When reading a lot of these posts I can tell that many of the members are women. I think that is why I was kind of worried/nervous about posting. I know that my verbal abusiveness has been plaguing my relationship w/ my girlfriend and I hate myself for having subjected her to it. She is the most wonderful girl and we have slowly been progressing into a friendship. As a I said before, we are doing this in a long-distance relationship which makes it even harder. Our spring breaks (which we had previously planned to spend together) are coming up here in about 3 weeks. So the question is...is it time to see each other now? It has been a week and a half since we have broken up, so by the time spring break comes it will have been a month. I'm sure she will want to see me, but I definitely do not want to go there and get sentimental and end up doing something that would end up hurting us like having sex. I do miss the intimacy, but she has asked for space and has said that we need to work on our friendship. For this reason, I would like to ask her a few weeks from now on a date. I would like to take her out to one of her favorite places, have a few drinks, take a quiet moonlit stroll and have a really good conversation, then end the night with a big hug and maybe a simple kiss on the cheek. At that point, I would drive home and call it a night. I feel that this would alleviate any stress as far as who would sleep where type of thing. I know this was long and drawn out, but I posed this scenario to the women (or guys who can relate) i guess to see if this kind of an approach would be most logical. I want her to understand first and foremost that I am not the typical guy who just misses the sex or something superficial like that. And at the same time, I want her to be able to see and appreciate the changes that I am making for myself. Any thoughts/suggestions/ideas? Thanks in advance, Nick

i just want to say how good i think these forums are for people in tight situations. i have never used anything like this but since i posted a few days ago there have been a few people who have expressed a willingness to help. anyway, just wanted to let those out there who are looking for help to know that this kind of thing helps when you feel like crap. it helps to talk and know that others can empathize.

hey man seriously, and i mean seriously...we should find a way to chat directly. it's so scary that you just wrote all of that b/c you just described all and everything that i'm going thru exactly now. seriously, it's almost as if this connection was meant to occur. i don;t ever use computers for chatting purposes, but if you want to discuss some things send me a private response and we'll exchange #'s or something. i can't tell you what it means to me to read what you just wrote. i mean i am suffering exactly what you're suffering thru. anyway, we should definitely talk man. later man, nick

thanks so much for the advice. there's so much i've yet to learn about my own feelings. the comment you made about dating other people is something that we've agreed upon and people keep telling me that it might actually show her just how good i was. the problem i have with that though is that i'm afraid that she will focus on the bad aspects of the relationship. that may sound retarded but it's what i'm feeling. she's the most amazing girl and i am giving her the space that she has asked for...don't know where that will lead. anyway, it's so hard to express what i'm feeling b/c it is utter guilt. hopefully therapy will help me to open up. i know i'm young (23) but i have never felt older than I do right now. I'm about to graduate and it's like...okay now what. i go to a great school and will get a job, but how can you meet someone better than the best you've ever had. i know that sounds irrational and who knows it may well be. it's just what i'm feeling right now. thanks again for the response. it helps to chat. i never use forums, but this is so helpful b/c of the anonymity i think. it allows me to be more open. i'm open to any suggestions/remarks/complaints etc...

I am a senior in college and my girlfriend has just made it clear that my verbal abusiveness has taken its toll on her. We are in a long distance relationship (which has worked amzaingly well b/c we see each other frequently and 4 straight months during the summers). We are both in love with each other. But she has told me now that the verbal abuse has made her not as crazy about me anymore. She lied to me at the onset of the relationship about a mistake she made (one night stand) a yr before she even met me. I was upset about this lie, but instead of letting it go, I have used it as a weapon against her for a year now. I know that it's not right, and i have decided to seek help with anger management issues that i so obviously have had. we have both suffered from it. She says that if we can take a step back and build our friendship with regular non-intimate conversations, and she can observably see that I am taking active steps to work on my anger issues, then we could try to make the relationship work again. But she did say that we should work on our issues separately under the assumption that we are not getting back together, in order to alleviate any unnecessary stress. I am honoring her wishes (although it is very hard and do call her crying occasionally). I have recently agreed to see a psychologist to help work thru my issues with her and most of all myself. But I guess my quesiton is this. Is there a woman out there who has been thru something like this and feels that if I show her that I can be a supportive friend who is working on controlling his anger, will she ever be able to give me another chance? Can a girl ever fall back in love with someone I guess. I mean, she still loves me but says that the verbal abuse has just made her not as crazy about me anymore and she needs that back before we can begin again. Just from a general perspective, does this ever happen? Anyway, we're both in college and I'm just so scared right now that I've lost the best thing that has happened to me. I want to work on this for her, and especially myself. But this girl has just been so good to me that i want to be able to do for her what i should have done all along. any help please, thanks