I never knew breaking up over the internet would hurt so much. Shawn and I went out together for a year...13 months to be exact and it was fault we broke up. I lied to him about who I was. Before I ever met him i pretended to be somebody I wasn't. It was in the first month of our relationship that I told him the truth, partially. I told him that the person I had made up (let's call her Amy)..I told Shawn that Amy and I were just messing around with everybody in the chat. He forgave me. And I lied to him more. When I found out he liked another girl I brought 'Amy' back and sneaked around with her and was mean to all his friends. He was so good to me. I feel so guilty. I told him in January but since then our relationship wilted away. He tried so hard to work things out but I so awful to him. All my online friends don't want to hang around me anymore. I told then about 'Amy' and it's just awful. I don't have real friends in real life because I'm poor and I'm so ashamed to show people how I live especially since I go to a school where mostly everybody is rich. 'Amy' was my escape. I was able to be who I wanted to be for once instead of me. A poor ugly * * * * * * * like they call me. It was all my fault and now I can't get him back. I'm so sorry for everything I did. He was so good to me. He was so kind so sweet.
After we broke up it's been so difficult. It's been so difficult not trying to go back and see him. I've been acting like the needy-ex gf but why can't he understand he is my only friend? He talks to everybody else and he's so nice to them and he's so mean to me. I can't take it. I've been cutting myself. His name in my thigh. I miss him so much. what should I do? I don't have anybody else to turn to. I feel so alone. I just wish somebody could be here for me. I just want a friend. I feel so alone. I'm so sorry for what I did. I am. I am. Please help me.
