stillhopeful

I thank everyone who took the time to read my post and respond. It's funny, my ex was sooo crazy in love with me when we first met and I was smitten with him but a little hesitant to get serious with him. After knowing each other so well, I NEVER thought he would be the one to torment my heart like this or ever hurt me like this. I never thought I would lose him or that he would leave me. It really teaches me how dangerous complacency is in a relationship. It is just so easy to take your partner for granted and assume they will always be there. I got a little too comfortable in my relationship and let my selfishness come out just one time too many. For now, I am giving him his space since we just spent the last two weeks together. I have been tempted to call him but I think I am going to let him make the first move. I pray he decides to give us one more chance. I'm not sure though as calling off a wedding when tons of money is on the line is no small thing. I hope he calls me soon at least to just say hello. Thanks again for reading and I wish everyone out there the best of luck in either reconciling or moving on! Stillhopeful

Hi, I am new to this forum. My story? Long and complex, so bear with me. Well, my ex-fiance called off our wedding just weeks before the big day. That was 6 months ago. We lived together for 3 years and fought constantly about his 2 kids and ex (ex has custody). I punished him constantly for coming with this "baggage." He tolerated a lot from me in those 3 years and tried as hard as he could to reassure me that I was his priority and he didn't want to lose me. He constantly professed his love to me and I really took it for granted. I didn't even realize how destructive my behavior was although my family thought he was crazy to stay with me. Well, I guess he really thought about the kind of life we would have with all the fighting about his kids who he loves dearly and plans to be a father to no matter what. I wanted him all to myself and although I was always nice to his kids, I never made an effort to bond with them or reach out to them. I don't have any kids and have never been married. As you can imagine, I was devasted when he told me he couldn't marry me. I immediately packed my things and left for another city to be closer to my family. I told him there was no need for explanations and told him to never contact me again. He told me he would do as I wished. Anyway, I broke the no contact rule to wish him a happy birthday a month later and we talked on a weekly basis after that just to chat as we still love and respect each other. Two months after that, he told me he was dying to see me again and I met him in New York and we just had a blast. That trip brought back all these emotions in me and I realized how wrong I had been to be so hostile about his kids and how I gave him no choice but to call the wedding off. I spent the next month really wishing I had tried harder to bring us closer together as a family instead of trying to always make him choose between me and his kids. I actually think his kids are nice but I can be so insecure sometimes. He was so tired of arguing about his kids that the topic of his kids became taboo in our relationship. Again, how could I have thought this was realistic?? So, we talk weekly still and I have flown to see him four times in the last two months and even spent a weekend with him and his kids. We even spent X-mas and New Year's together and I just recently spent two weeks at his house. We have talked exhaustively about what we are doing here. He still loves me dearly and I love him so much but he is paralyzed by fear that things will go back to how they were after our "reunion" phase wears off. I told him that I am COMMITTED to really trying this time and accepting his kids as my family and being supportive of him and any decisions regarding the children. He knows where I stand and before I left, I told him I would give him some space and time to think. I am now scared I cornered him or made him feel like I am giving him an ultimatum. I have been paralyzed myself lately by fear that he will just decide there is just too much past ugliness to move on to a healthy relationship ever again. I know him and he would not have spent as much time as he has with me unless he really still loved me as he is a very busy person. He told me he is so conflicted and that he thinks about us constantly but just doesn't know what to do. He agreed with me that being in limbo is very stressful and said he was in a conundrum with our situtation. Am I crazy to think that just because he has spent all this time with me it means we have a chance? A part of me is so optimistic and the other part tells me that his deep logic will ignore his heart and tell him to cut it off with me completely. I wish so much that I knew then what I know now. He asked me so many times to be more supportive and I would get defensive and unresponsive. Each time we see each other, we hold each other tightly telling each other how much we love each other. The hardest part for both of us is that we are still so in love with each other and continue to do really sweet things for each other when we are together. What is so hard for me is that the last time I saw him, he really went out of his way to NOT do some of the things I told him hurt me when we were together. I was so happy that he was listening to me and really trying. I have laid it out for him. If we want to reconcile, it will be a clean slate with no using the past against each other and there must be a solid committment on both sides to make this work even if we hit a bump or two along the way. Also, neither of us has dated or slept with anyone else since we split 6 months ago and neither of us wants to. Has anyone gone thru such a traumatic event like a broken engagement so close to the date or known anyone who has and actually gone on to work it out??? Am I fooling myself into believing he is really considering giving it another chance with me? I am so consumed by this but I am going to give him his space and wait for him to contact me. Any advice or words of support would be helpful. Thanks for reading! Stillhopeful