I've been dating this guy for over 18 months now, and we truly are best friends. Our lives are very enmeshed and we've been through a lot together, including one breakup that lasted a month or so, which he initiated quite abruptly.
Its cause? According to him, he didn't think I loved him. According to me? The stress he was experiencing with finances (he's in a huge amount of debt) and his new job, and how he was responding to them, made me question whether this was a good match for us.
Problem was, before the breakup, I'd try talking to him about it, and he insisted he was deeply in love with me, was perfectly happy with me, etc. I'd ask him why and he'd say, "Because you're you." While that's awfully sweet, I'd come back with, " * * * does that mean?"
Same thing is basically going on now with us. The sex has slacked off considerably (it's me, not him. I never want it, and part of it is that I'm just not a high-libido person...I'm really not...but I'm not naive enough to believe there's not something more to it than that). When we did have sex last week, lubricated by several glasses of wine, he revealed to me how "freaky" he likes it. I got kind of upset and said, "I'm just not that freaky, and maybe you need someone who is." His reply was, "I love you for you. Whatever you are, freaky or not, I'm happy with."
He's not being straight with me. Why?
I know he's not happy. I know he's not. I'm not either...at least with the romantic element of our relationship. I love our friendship. I love how much in common we share. But there are things I don't like, and I'm pretty sure he knows what they are but doesn't really want to face them.
But every time I try to give him an opportunity to tell me about his feelings, he insists he's happy.
I feel like the only way I'll get him to be honest about his unhappiness is if I come right out with mine...and then he'll want to focus on that and then I'll feel guilty.
Not quite sure how to broach this conversation and hope for different results. Suggestions?
