I have been with my husband for 11 years, we meet when I was 15 years old and he was 23 years old. He is very abusive, last month I left him but I had to come back because I had nowhere else to go/no money. I have been extremely sick physically and mentally, I just feel exhausted, I can't take being in this relationship anymore but I have no self esteem or energy to leave anymore and he has been yelling at me, saying that I'm delusional and I feel like all of my neighbours think that I am, they won't even talk to me and I have heard some of them say that I have problems but yet they all talk to him. I'm so ashamed because when he yells at me, he says things like I'm a liar, a * * * *, a * * * * *, delusional(he has only been saying that I'm delusional since I came back) and whatever else he can think off. He will say things and later when I ask him why he said it, he will say that he didn't say it, I did. Why is he doing this to me?
I have a job interview on Tuesday and he has already started saying stuff like "watch out for all the guys because they will try and get with you" when I told him about the interview he had a pissed off look on his face, I really am afraid that he will go nuts again and bash me so I can't go to the interview, I had to leave my last job because of the embarrassment of turning up to work with black eyes etc I haven't worked since then and I was 17 years old at the time. I ring up a place to see if I could get counselling and when I told him that I did, he said why would you believe anything they say, if I am delusional and mentally unwell, like he says, why wouldn't he be happy that I ring up to get counselling?
The worse thing I ever did was leave him, now he is being more abusive then before and extremely controlling, he has been saying stuff like "your like a child, you never do what your told" and now if a guy looks at me for too long when we are out, he says that he is going to say something to them, which makes me extremely anxious, I don't even want to leave my house anymore but I have to try and get a job to get money so I can leave him, how am I going to do that when I have no self esteem, I don't talk to people much because I don't want to be excused of being a * * * * * or him pressuring me into sleeping with them, why does he try to get me to sleep with other men, when he acts jealous of me?
He has been trying to get me to sleep with other men while he watches for over 5 years now and I done it but when he gets mad at me he yells out that I'm a * * * * and I fcuked this guy, all of my neighbours would hear this because he is extremely loud when he yells at me, like he wants them to hear. God knows what he has been saying about me because he even puts me down to other people when I am right there. I'm sorry if my post doesn't make any sense, thank you for reading.
