grieving06

Wow! Thank you for your advice. I am taking it day by day and it is definitely very painful. I am going through with the divorce, I just need time to prepare. I'm sorry to hear about your wife leaving.

I have accepted that I can't be married to him anymore. We are separated and will be filing for divorce. At this point neither one of us is ready to do this. But I also know he's farther along in the grieving process. He has probably been thinking about this for a while. He is giving me time to get through this to make the final step. I had a hard time accepting this wasn't about me. He's told me many times I am the perfect wife and I deserve better. He can't give me back the love that I give to him. Part of this is due to his addiction. We have had many intense and emotional conversations. Loving me is not the issue here - but I'm starting to realize it's not enough. Love is not enough. He loves me, knows I'm the perfect wife but that's not what he wants. He wants to have many women and he doesn't want to be tied to a relationship. This could be part of the addiction or could be why he is an addict. I don't know, I'm trying to stop analyzing this. I don't know the details of the 3 woman - I didn't want to go there again. When I first found out about the 1st affair I needed to know everything. It was probably not the smart thing to do. It lifted the burden of his shoulders but I ended up with the burden. This time I chose not to ask for details and I left. The hard part is moving on. I know we won't be together anymore. I miss him greatly. I have this constant pain because the man I love is gone. So I need help getting through this. My counselor told me to talk as much as possible about this. I shouldn't isolate myself and in time I will heal. When will I heal? I am very lonely. Sometimes I think is it that I miss him? We have been distant these past few months so I'm not sure. Do I just miss having someone with me? I don't know. I just know I want to feel better. Thank you for listening again.

I have been married 15 years and have a 14 year old daughter. I married right out of HS. Both my husband and I were babies when we married, we wanted to do what was right for our daughter. 2 years ago, my husband had an affair. By way of marriage counseling, he was diagnosed with sexual compulsion (sex addict). This is the same as alchoholism and drug addiction. We were referred to a Therapist that specialized in sexual disorders. My husband stated he loved me and would never hurt me again. He is my best friend and the only man I've ever had in my life. I was so hurt and in so much pain for many months. It took me about 8 months to finally start to feel better. But all the while he was by my side helping me through this. I am a very private person and dealt with this on my own. We worked with the therapist for about 9 months and really felt everything was right. My husband has been taking anti-depressents to help him with his urges. About 4 months ago my husband and I stopped having sex. I noticed something different about him and now that I know the signs I new something wasn't right. The week of Thanksgiving he told me he had been seeing 3 women. But he also told me he loved me, I was a great wife and mother but he didn't want to hurt me anymore. I left to my hometown and returned last Friday. I am seeing a counselor and am on medical leave from work. I am a total mess. My husband has moved out and I am in the house with my daughter. This is also very hard for her, she misses her dad. I have broken many times and have called him. I saw him today for the first time since I left. I miss him so much and I hurt so much. I don't why this happening. If I'm such a great person, then why is this happening to me?? He has given up and wants to be on his own. He loves me but doesn't understand why he keeps seeking women. I know it's not me but this really hurts. I have lost my best friend and feel so much pain. How am I going to get through this? Thank you for listening.