lostnpain
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Everything posted by lostnpain
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Get this folks..everything points against me. I was away this week and my wife calls my job and asks for her. They tell her she is on vacation....guess what my wifre thinks.. she tells me and I send her an email this girst sent to the office as proof she was there. this shows she was not with me on the ship. then her mom calls and asks for her 2 days later. they say shes not here. can you believe this.. today she picks me up at the airport and wants to come in the office with me.i say great no problem thinkinng this girl would be here....shes not at the front desk and my wife's wheels start spinning again...so i showed my wife this girls car..and she says I dont want to know how you konw what she drive...I know what 1/2 the people here drive..but didnt look at it this way.. I cant win...
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stitches i feel really bad for you. After seeing what this is going to my wife, I wouldnt wish this pain on anyone. the only difference is though that I never had those feelings for this other person and the minute my wife told me this bbothered her I cut it off immmediately..the only things is we work together and I know this must bother my wife.. I was away this last week and just got back home. I dont think anything has changed. tomorrow is our anniversary - it will be 7 yrs married. i hope we geet better soon. she picked me up at the airport today and even thouhgh we are gonig through this..i was so happy to see her.
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Caro33 - The thing is thats exactly the truth and what I've been saying all along to her but she's not having it... I really appreciate everyones advice on here...its really made me feel better better beleie it or not... Im traveling this week and have minimal contact with my wife if any. Lets see what happens when I get back. I spoke to her today and its like nothing. It doesnt even seem that she misses me or even cares that Im gone. That really gets to me...
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I just told her about me agreeing to her point of view on Friday and I am still not 100% sure that it was an EA. This is one of those things that is a point of view more than a fact. So I now see her point of view...does this make sense?? When I told her I see her point of view and understand where she is coming from seeing it that way i tried explaining to her that there still was never a threat because there were no feelings there..she feels like she was replaced and the fact is that she was replaced in that time with this girl becuase she WAS NOT HERE and I found someone to talk to....but like you said if she would have been here then I would not have done this. So its not like i want to be with this girl more than i do with my wife.. Ive tried having her talk to my cousin and she wont have it. Im starting to get very tired of all this..I really am.
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Carro to answer your questions: - what makes you believe you were having an emotional affair? i did some reading on the web and 60% of what i found said if you feel comfortable talking to this person, have long conversations, deepdown have physical attraction, one or both of you confide in each other then thats what it is...my initial view of an EA was when two peoples friendship goes beyond friendship and emotions get involved and you start wanting to be with this person more than your partner.. - what makes your wife think you were having one? Is it that you talked with the co-worker and had her over, or is there also something else your wife has said? yes that i spoke to her so often while she was gone. - has your wife met this co-worker? Does your wife have a view that she's expressed re the co-worker being your 'type' - anything like that? they have never met. i invited her and other workers to the party i threw my wife but not one came. and she says why didnt she come..if we were wsuch good friend she should have come..that means there was something else going on.. - has there absolutely never been any history between you guys, ever, of someone not policing the relationship boundaries and the other getting upset? no never.. - is the behaviour you exhibited of making friends, talking to women (however platonic) a new thing for you? has your wife seen you bond with a woman other than her before? yes to this extent. I have other female friends but conversations never took place so often and for so long. She knows all my other friends (like 3). its not like i didnt want them to meet..i invited her over, if she didnt come whos fault is that..
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Julian her experience have not come up yet. I thought of and am starting to believe exactly that. I am starting to think when she found out about this girl she went out and found comfort with someone else...now she feels so bad about what happened that she doesnt know what the hell to do and that she is hanging on to this and not letting go. Funny how we are thinking almost the same thing..
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Your husband brings up a good point.. she was not on a boat but she did go out with her classmates and have a few beers. she did tell me when she went out. she did tell me when she was hit on. and she did also tell me she made it a point not to be alone with the person or people that hit on her.
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the current status is we still go to counseling. we go once a week so this will be our 4th session next week. she feels uncomfortable when i hug her, hold her had or try to kiss her so I dont. We are in a state of limbo I guess.
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hearltess I dont blame her for feeling the way she is feeling nor am i questioning it.. I want her to get over it. i want her to understand and realize nothing happened but she wont..
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Juliana I would have been livid if another man was in my house and she was having long conversations while I was gone..i do understand that but I know i would have gotten past this already. im glad to see im not crazy there..
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that sounds better...thx
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my wifes of course...and there was never a choice to be made... yes...my marriage is ending b/c i became friends with this girl and had long conversations while my wife was away for training..you pretty much got it..
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it wsa GREAT...not needy, she was independent. we loved being together..always lauging and looking forward to being with each other. I could not have asked for anything more... what killed us was her going to her training. i felt like a piece of me was missing and I guess the friendship was a way to fill that void with the phonecalls and txt...when I say calls - sometimes they were like 30 to 40 min calls but most of them like I said was her complaing about her other half not talking about us becuase there was no us.
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I wont give in to the fact i had a physical affair cause I didnt and I wont say I did.. Everything i have read though point to the fact that I had an emotional affair which if thats what it points to then fine I'm willing to accept I was wrong becuase I was not clear on what an emotional affair was - so I'll give her that much - does that make sense? but I cant budge on the physicall affair. I have to travel for work starting tomorrow until Friday the 15th. I've been thinking of moving out after I come back if the week of being separated does not change he in any way.
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yeah 2months..and i have asked her.. she feels betrayed that i had to find someone else..so she's mad.. and the underwear dont help..despite the fact that a bunhc of people including her got smashed in my house for her party.
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I'll try this..its hard but I'll give it a shot...thx
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Yeah its all on me - i think this is whats killing me..ive put myself in her shoes and yes I'd be pissed but I also would have forgiven her already and started to moved on...its been 2 months since she found out. I thought about doing that but there are 2 reasons i havent done it my 3 kids & Im also scared that she is still so pissed that she'ss say fine thats what you want to begin with (actually i know she'll say that).. and thats the end of it.. I dont want to loose her but I feel myself starting not to care anymore..
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exaclty...like I said - ive given up on that...so what do you or anyone suggest besides the sweep her off her feet idea..
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thanks.. I have tried to convince her so much that nothing happened...especially physically thats is not even funny...I've gotten to the point that I've given up on tryint to prove that.. I wish she woulsd just calm down and think things through...i think she is so mad that she is not letting herself to think rationally..but I cant say that cause then all hell will break loose.
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ive tried and she says she doenst know.
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OK how... any suggestions...most of the times she want to go out with a gruop not alone..
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I dont mind..Im 34 and she will be 30 in 2 weeks. I have never given her a reason to doubt me and I have never cheated - hell the thought has never even entered my mind. I've mentioned that...She says that we've never been away so long and the first time it happens this is what I do...she says she understands the 8 years of never doubting but it doesnt matter..this has just erased that.
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thats what I told her yesterday...I know what to look for now..I know what to be aware of now..b4 I didnt... she doesnt believe me though..there are times I talk to her and I feel like she just doesnt care anymore becuase of the look on her face..
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yeah shes back now..it doesnt feel like she's back but she is back
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Oh..I forgot one thing. when my wife came home from bootcamp I threw her a huge part..people drank alot and a bunch of people stayed in my house cuas they coldnt drive.. then she left again. when she came back she cleaned out her drawers and found a pair of underwear in her drawer that wasnt hers...and she thinks they belong to this girl...again I understand why.. I feel like everytihing I do is jsut making it worse... The truth is they belong to my cousin. I asked her if they were hers and showed them to her and she said they were becuase she did take a shower in my house that night and in her drunken stupper must have left them in the bathroom... Since I didnt take my wife to talk to my cousin she doesnt believe me and think there was something physical going on. I didnt take my wife on purpose she just wasnt there when I got the idea to ask my cousin..I should have taken her..I agree and I regret not taking her..but this is also adding fuel to my forsest fire..