SHARPY07

Hello all, Just to update you all, i went out on a date with my ex last night. We met for a drink in a nice country pub after she finished work at about 7.30. We had a couple of drinks and a nice meal, and left about 9.30pm as she was an a 6.30am start in the morning. We talked about all sorts of things, mainly her job (student nurse), and what she'd been up to, what i'd been up to etc. Never really mentioning the relationship which i thought was a good idea. She commented on a few things about my appearance, like "you're looking really tanned", "I really like that shirt you're wearing", "i can tell you've been working out at the gym", "you're hairs really grown,it looks loads better". I just thought my best bet was to play things cool, don't hassle her about why we split up, or if we're getting back together. Also tell her how much i'm enjoying things at the moment, going gym and out with mates more often etc. I even admitted that us splitting up had done me some good, by making me live my life for myself again, rather than for her. She said yes, i think we both didn't have our own lifes for a while. I asked her how she was feeling now, if she was much better. She said she felt alot better, and felt she was over the depression after the abortion. I don't think she is fully, as she couldn't even call it a baby or an abortion, but referred to it as 'the thingy'. She was telling me that her 'so called' best friend, who offered virtually no support to Sally through her difficult times, and was hardly ever in touch, was now in contact again. It transpired she has split with her boyfriend. Sally said she was a bit annoyed by this. I told her, well you just have to remember who was there for you. She said i know you were there for me, i appreciate that. I replied "i still am here for you as a friend whenever you want" she said "yes i'm here for you too if you want to talk, but i don't suppose you do" I just shrugged. Anyway it was a decent night, but i thought there was going to be some point to it, either cut all ties, or begin seeing each other again? The night seemed largely pointless, no steps forward or back, so i don't know what she wanted out of it? The only awkward part of the night came at the end when we left, we both walked out to our cars, and i think we were both unsure what to do, kiss, hug etc. So i just said right thanks for a good night, i'll see you when i see you. she said "yes, you have a good day too, thanks" I sent her atext when i got in, as i'd realised i'd forgot to give her half the money, as she'd paid on switch. Txt as follows: 'Sal, thanx 4 payin 4 meal, was v.nice, i owe you one, have a gd shift 2m. takecare, sleepwell- Rich' She replied with: 'thats ok, ur welcome, you've paid 4me enough times! Thanks 4 a nice time. Nite Nite. The only other point she mentioned was that her mum and dad were away from Monday until this Saturday, so she was on her own at the house. So i think this could have been the reason she wanted to meet, as she was bored? Anyway, opinions please on what you think were her reasons for meeting, what she hoped to get from it, and how she may feel now. Also what should be my next moves (regarding Sally) Many thanks Rich

Hi, Thanks to those of you that took the time to read my rather lengthy story posted on here earlier. Just a quick update. Having not seen Sally now for 4 and a half weeks, but having kept in regular contact with each other via text messages and the odd phonecall. I was quite surprised when yesterday she sent me a text asking if i wanted to meet her for a drink and something to eat tomorrow night (Wednesday). How this came about was, i said i couldn't believe it was 4 weeks since i'd last seen her, and she said "i know, its about time we met up, i'll give you a ring" She was working this weekend, so i said i'd leave it with her. I thought this would give her the ideal oppurtunity to end things once and for all. To be honest i wasn't expecting to hear from her again, then only couple of days later (Monday) she asks me out for this drink etc. Now, although i'm trying not to get carried away, i can't help thinking that maybe this is the first positive step on the way to getting our relationship back on again. Unsure of what to think and how to act etc, tomorrow. Any advice/opinion would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Rich

Apologies for layout, this is a copy of a relationship questionairre i filled in. Anyway full story is found below. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as i'm in a bit of a mess. Cheers Rich (aged 26) How long were you and your ex together? 2 years and 2 months What was your relationship like when you were together? Just to fill you in on the background to this relationship, i first met Sally in August 1999, but i broke up with her in January 2000, as she was only 18 and i was 23, and i found her to be a little immature, and found she had a few emotional problems, and was easily upset and confused by things. I had met somebody else more my own age (Lauren) and was beginning to get feelings for her. So having stayed at Sallys one evening, the following morning i told her i wanted to break things off. She was devastated by this and was in a real mess. I received a lengthy letter from her a few days later, apologising for how she'd been and telling me how much she loved me and wanted me back. The content of the letter made me realise that she'd obviously got alot of emotional problems and confidence problems, and i feared she may take her own life, I rang her a few times after this as i was scared of her doing this. Myself and Lauren fell for each other very quickly and bought a house together in August 2000, however things very quickly turned sour and she left me after only 6 weeks! We sold the house and i went back to my parents and was devastated. She cut all contact immediately, and to this day, almost three years later i still haven't heard from her or seen her. Anyway after splitting with Lauren in September 2000, i bumped into Sally again on a night out in January 2001 and she looked gorgeous, and so much more grown up, as though she'd changed from a girl to a woman in the space of a year. We got talking, and she seemed so much more together and grown up. We ended up spending the night together at a friends house, and began seeing each other once a week or so. She had a boyfriend, and i kept telling her to stay with him, as i wasn't able to offer her anything serious or any promises as i was still messed up over Lauren. After a few weeks Sally called me to tell me she'd ended things with her boyfriend. We began seeing each other more regularly sort of March time, but again i kept telling her, if she met somebody she really liked, she should go with them, as i couldn't promise her anything serious. I bought my own place a few months later, July 2001. To begin with Sally made all the effort, and i wasn't sure of my feelings for her, and as she was prepared to make most of the effort, by coming to see me all the time, i let her. However things changed when in September we went on holiday together for a week in Lanzarote. I realised how close i had grown to her, and how nice she really was, i realised for the first time i loved her, but didn't tell her. Anyway a few days after we got back, she said she couldn't go on the way things were as it was so one sided, and she wanted to end things. As i'd realised my feelings for her, this sprung me into action, and i immediately began going to see her more often and made the effort to get to know her parents, and things really began to take off for us. By May 2002, Sally started on her new Nurses training course (3 year course) at University, only 8 miles from my house. She moved into nurse accomadation on the university campus. Things had been really great between us for a while now, and we both saw our long term futures together. After a few months of living on her own in a nurses flat Sally began to get down and depressed, as she felt alone, after having only just turned 21 i think she missed being away from her mother. I tried to help, by going to see her most nights, and taking her out regularly. She always struggled to open up fully to me, and she would regularly hide her feelings and bottle things up for weeks, then let it all out, crying for hours. After which she would always say to me " why do you put up with me, i'm such a mess, i'm so sorry, i don't know how i'd cope without you " Eventually i convinced her she would be better off moving in with me, so she wouldn't feel so lonely. It appeared at the time this was what we both wanted, and i made absoloute certain it was right for her, as i didn't want to go through the upset of having someone else move out from me. We got on really well most of the time, but Sally was still prone to these depressive times now and again, where she would bottle everything up and not open up to me, she was always low on confidence, when in fact she is very attractive, and doing exceptionally well on her course. Again after eventually letting everything out in a flood of tears, she would always apologise and say " don't know how i'd cope without you". The only area where i know i was at fault, was i used to get very moody if she said she was going out with her mates one night. I would either be funny with her for a few days or just be very quiet. I know now that this was stupid, but i took it as a personal rejection, that she'd rather spend time with people other than me. I'm not really like this, its just i'd lost contact with alot of my friends, by spending too much time with Sally. When she would return from a night out, i would regularly ask her lots of questions about the night, as if i didn't trust her, when in truth i did. When she left me, she said one of the main reasons was that she felt trapped, and couldn't enjoy herself with her friends as she knew it was upsetting me by her being out. Do you guys have a history of "game playing"? If so, what kind of games (i.e. always breaking up and getting back together, playing hard to get, lying, being manipulative, etc.)? No, not that i'm aware of. How long have you and your ex been broken up? 7 weeks Who broke up with who? she broke up with me Why did you guys break up (i.e. what events led up to the break-up)? Sally moved in with me in November 2002, we went to Paris for the weekend to celebrate. Had a good Christmas, spending time with both families. Soon after Christmas Sally found out she was pregnant. Immediately without discussion with me, she decided she was going to have an abortion. At first i was really annoyed that she wouldn't even discuss her options with me, but every time i tried to talk about them to her she would get really upset. I understood her reasons for wanting the abortion, being only 21, and being in the middle of her university course, and decided that if i were to continue trying to make her look at her options, it would only push us apart. So i decided to support her as best i could. The frustrating thing for me was the feeling of being powerless, and also not talking to anybody about it, as she didn't want me to. The night before the abortion she wanted to go and stay at her Mums, which made me feel even more left out, so i asked if i could come and stay with her at her Mums, she agreed. So i stayed the night with her at her Mums, holding each other and talking about things, to help her relax. I took her to the hospital in the morning, she had to stay in most of the day, her mum met her afterwards and iwent and picked her up from her mums after work and took her home. Ever since the abortion (end of Jan 03) Sally has been so down and depressed, and i've tried everything to cheer her up but nothing has worked. We've not slept together since then, although in the same bed, nothing ever happened. I've tried to be supportive, but again felt rejected when she kept going home for weekends to be with her mother, or stopping with friends. I kept thinking i wanted to be the one that helped her, and i didn't seem to be getting anywhere. By the end of March 03, Sally decided to move out. I came home from work on the Friday, planning to take her out somewhere nice for the night to try and cheer her up. She was upstairs lying on the bed crying. She told me she needed some space and had to get away, and was going to her mums for the weekend. I was devastated, as i thought, god we're both suffering and going through this hard time, and all she does is keep running away. Anyway i calmed down, and said ok, but please come back Sunday night and lets sort things out, she agreed. On the Sunday morning she rang me, again in tears to say that she wasn't coming back, it wasn't working and it was all over. I couldn't cope with this at all, and wild panic set in, i had to meet her. She didn't want to, but agreed eventually. I just cried for ages, and begged her to just give it a chance and stay living with me for a few weeks to see how thiongs go. She said she couldn't, she wasn't happy, and its not what she wanted anymore. After a few days i rang her and suggested going out as friends, she agreed. Obviously whilst out i asked her if there was a chance of us getting back together in the future, she said she didn't know, she needed some time and space to get her head together as she was so mixed up and unhappy. I said "look if there's no chance, just tell me" she couldn't tell me this. We both enjoyed the night, just a few drinks and a chat, and said we'd go out again soon. We continued to go out once a week, either to the cinema, or ten pin bowling. Each time having a good laugh. We went to the seaside for the day, again had a good time, until i asked if we were going to get back together again, and this upset her and we ended up coming home early. Then a couple of weeks ago Sally went to Amsterdam (Holland) for a few days with her University friends, this was something Sally had been too scared to tell me about whilst we were together, as she feared i would be really annoyed and upset, which i admit would have probably been my 1st reaction. However if she was able to talk to me properly about such things, i am a reasonable chap and would have been ok with it, but she never talked to me about such things. Anyway on the morning she was to go, i got a phonecall from her at work, she was again crying and working herself into a real state. She couldn't find her passport and assumed it must be at my house. So being a thoughtful person, and not wanting her to miss out on her trip, i dashed off from work, went home searched the house top to bottom and found her passport. I then had to drive 25 miles to her mums house to get the passport to her before the bus picked her up. It was a close call, but i got there, and she was over the moon, as was her mum. They were both hugging me and thanking me and gave me a few bottles of beer for my troubles. I wished her a good time and left. She rang me later when i got back to work thanking me again, she was so grateful. I couldn't help thinking to myself, that this had improved my chances of us getting back together. Anyway, she went to Amsterdam for 4 days, and i only contacted her once on her last day, just a text message to wish her well. When she returned on the saturday, she rang me and told me although she enjoyed it, she thought it was very seedy, and everybody was there just for sex and drugs, and i think she felt a bit like the odd one out, as she isn't into drugs. I got the impression she'd come back with a low opinion of men. Anyway we arranged to go out on the monday, for a drink and then to the cinema. We had a good chat all about her trip, and in the cinema, she began getting upset and i could see she was crying, out of the blue, she then grabbed my hand and was hugging me and leaning on me, and being really affectionate. This was the first affection of this kind she had shown me since we broke up. When leaving the cinema, she was in floods of tears, saying she was really mixed up and scared. We had a chat, and i calmed her down, and we agreed just to relax and see what happens. I rang her a few days later and suggested as it was bank holiday weekend, we'd go out for the day, she agreed. I picked her up early in the morning and we headed to EdenCamp (a World War 2 theme park), had a great time there and again she made the move to hold my hand and link arms. I played it cool, and just went with the flow. We'd finished at the themepark by 2pm, and i thought we'd get off home. However she suggested going to Scarborough (the seaside) which was about 20 miles away for the afternoon. Great i thought, she doesn't want the day to end. We arrived at the seaside and had some food etc. We were sat on the beach, and i thought, nows my chance i'm going to have to ask her again if we're gonna give things another go. She got upset and wanted to go home. **** i thought ! i've ruined it again. She went to the toilet and came back, and seemed to have calmed down. So we stayed the rest of the day and had a great time,few drinks,bit to eat, great weather again hand in hand etc. We left about 7pm,and on the way home stopped for something to eat at a nice restaurant. We talked and we both said we wanted to give things another try. Brilliant i thought, i told her i was over the moon and i felt like i'd won the lottery. She said she really wanted it to work, but was scared of it not working and letting me down. I still thought in the back of my mind, that maybe she'd just got carried away with the day, and i'd maybe talked her into it. Then on the way home, she asked me to pull over, i said "why", she said "because i want to give you a kiss" So i did, and at this point i was convinced that we both genuinely wanted it to work. I dropped her off home at 11pm, told her how happy she'd made me, she said she felt as though a big worry was taken off her mind now. I asked her if i could put my photos of us both back up at my house and sleep well and relax. She said yes of course, relax sleep well and i'll give you a call tomorrow. We were back together!! I couldn'tbelieve it, i was so happy, i got lost driving home as iwasn't concentrating! I woke up at about 7am on the Monday, as i couldn't sleep i was so excited. Then came the final hammer blow. She rang me at about 11am, crying saying she'd made a mistake and she couldn't go through with it. I was shellshocked, and was in a real panic and tried to change her mind. She couldn't handle me crying and put the phone down on me. I rang back and her mother answered, and she said Sallys made a mistake, and she was wrong to have done what she's done. I asked if she would meet me, as i was my own and felt terrible. She agreed, and turned up with Sally to meet me at a neutral venue. Her mum gave me a hug and said Richard i'm so sorry, but i think you both need time to cool off, its ruining both your lives. Then me and Sally went for a walk and talked, she said she was so sorry, but needed space, she didn't think we could get back together, but just requested some space. After more crying etc, i left. This was 3 weeks ago. Since then we've not spoke, but sent each other a couple of text messages. We are going to speak in the near future, but don't know where its going to all end up. She called me on Friday and we spoke for a while, i told her i was doing ok and had joined the gym etc. She seemed quite surprised. She was telling me that she was going house hunting with 2 friends, looking for somewhere to rent nearer to University. I can't understand her, she's going to be paying at least ?200 to live in a scruffy student house, when she can live with me (also close to Uni) in a nice house for nothing! Anyway i felt conversation went well, and i went out that night feeling positive. I made the mistake of sending her a txt message later when i was drunk, saying i was missing her and wished she was here, BAD MOVE. I rang her Sunday to apologise, and see how she'd got on with her house hunt, went ok, but trying to leave her alone again now. Why do you want to get back together? As i love her very dearly, and don't want to just give up on something without giving it a second chance How would you describe your ex's feelings for you at the moment? Mixed and confused What attempts have you already made at getting back together? See above What happened the last time you talked to them (i.e. how did they react, what did they say, etc.)? see above On a scale of 1 - 10 how likely do you think it is that the two of you will get back together? 5 Do you and your ex have any kids together? no How often do you talk to (or see) your ex AFTER the break up? see above saw each other once a week, straight after splitting up for 6 weeks. Not seen each other now for 2 weeks What has your ex said, if anything, about the break-up? see above Does your ex have a new relationship with someone else? If so, how serious is it? No Have you dated anyone since the break up? No What questions do you have about getting back your ex? how likely is it to happen? How soon? Whats my best plan? Am i doing the right things now? What else should I know about your situation? I've started the gym Girl at work who's interested, i'm taking her out this week