my doubts started 98 .i had 2 jobs which i didnt like and my friend introduced me to my new neighbour /they had parties and we went and my hubby became friendly with the new couple
mounths later he went to there house after a nite out .i locked the door as it was late and he stayed there the next day the thing and my husband looked unsettled
her husband came home from work and ignored both of them .i later found out my husband was caught by the husband asleep with his arms aroung the wife and his flies open
this was the seed of doubt, my husband said he was drunk and had no idea this had happened
within this mounth my husband said he was not in love with me but still loved me
by this time i was shocked and didnt know what was going on .i had jokingly told my best friend also a neighbour all i need now is for her to be pregnant
and would you know it she was
i had put the incident above out of my mind ,i chose to put it down as a misunderstanding as we had been married 15 years with no problems
a year had passed may99.the couple started to come round my house more often than was normal and i resented it as i was exhausted with my jobs and family
they would leave 1 in the morning and so i said to my husband do you find her attractive and he said yes
finally he stopped picking me up from work and was often late and his excuse was that he had to go somewhere ,bare in mind he didnt work
by this time i was losing weight couldnt sleep and because of tiredness i confronted my husband he denied it said i was paranoid and ignorant for being rude to this couple
i told him i was going to see her and would appologise but also explain how i was feeling
they both knew my estranged mother suffered mental problems and i genuinely thought i was going mad
i tried to put it out of my head but the thoughts kept coming back
sept99
this women and her husband were going on holiday to spain while away my good neighbour had overheard my husband talking to the thing which he later denied
by this time my husband was cold distant sarcastic also putting me down
iwas literily skin and bone by now crying constantly i thought it was me that i had the same mental problems my mam had
october 31
my niece had invited me out to a pychic nite ,i wasnt too sure as i thought if he was good he mite bring up my dead twin boys and i just couldnt cope
so we decided to sit at the back
half way through he came to me
and said ive got 2 things to say to you my dear your not looking after yourself and hes not worth it
i couldnt believe it it was not what i was expecting
by this time my niece and sister in law knew somthing was going on but didnt say
when we got home i was shocked to find this couple in my house and her with a pair of shorts on in winter,they left minutes later as my niece was ignoring them
next day i went to the doctors he prescribed anti depressents ,i was over the moon as i thought it was me all along ,thats how bad i was
on coming home i saw my husband in the car with my daughter i told him things would get better as i kmew i was sick and it was my fault
his reaction was like he couldnt care less
the next few days changed greatly he was caring and we got on better
6thnov 99
this was the day it all came out for mounths i thought i was the one causing problems
i had got up at 1.30 we had a late nite my husband was out with a friend ,i looked out of the window and saw the thing walking down the street pushing the buggy
i rung up my husband at 3.30 to bring some milk but his best friend answered the phone he was not his happy self
then at 5.50 the things husband knocked on the door and said my husband was having an affair with his wife
the relief i felt when i heard that was overwhelming between the pair of them they made me feel i was the problem
i was shaking and the rage just built up ,i said to my friend if i find out i was right over this i would kick her * * * * to kingdom come
and that nite i did all the frustration anger upset what the both of them did to me and my kids ,you cant imagine anyone being so cruel i letting you think your mad and allowing u to take pills
i am not violent far from it but when youve had over a year of mental torture the pain has to go somewhere
to this day i dont regret doing what i did it made me feel better
if i hadnt hit her i believe she would still be there today and i without a husband as i would been able to cope
i ve written all this just to get it off my chest
even though im still married i dont have the same respect for my husband as i did he let me down badly its not the affair but making me so poorly and allowing me to take pills when i didnt need him
that i find hard to forgive ,i have told him how i feel but i still remain ashamed of him but i also love him and my family but it will never ever be a second time u only get 1 chance ,and it will be his loss
