I'm new. A quick Google search brought me here. I had nowhere else to go.
I just don't know what to say or do. Today I realized that the love of my life doesn't love me. The pain I feel breaks my stomach apart. I feel dead inside.
I met her almost two years ago, it was Dec. 2004. At the time I was 25 and she was 19. I knew from my past that I shouldn't date someone so young, but she seemed different. She seemed like someone I could grow old with.
We dated for almost two years and it was good. She became my best friend and I told her everything. There wasn't a single day that went by where I didn't talk to her before bed. There wasn't a single day where I didn't tell her that she was my world.
I had always been a loner. No real close friends, just a few acquaintances. With her I let my guard down for the first time in years... she became my one true friend. My cell phone tells my life story. The phone book has three people in it, my mother, my father, and her.
I learned long ago to let people have their freedom, and I gave her hers. She was free to party all night if she wanted. I trusted her with my life. She called me her "old man" of a boyfriend. I liked to stay home on weekends. Our arrangement was good. We were happy.
We managed to get away every few months. Once we went to Mexico for a week. During this trip (six months ago) I knew that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But I never proposed. I knew she wasn't ready. I was her first boyfriend. I was her first everything.
And then last week happened.
One night while at my apartment she brought up the fact that she wanted to see what it was like to date other people. She watched all of her friends date guy after guy and she wondered what that was like. She loved me she said, but she didn't want to be with me forever, at least not until she had experienced life as a 21 year old. We broke up and she left. I was in shock.
Three days later she was back at my house like nothing happened. "Why do we have to label ourselves? Can't we just be dating like normal people?" she said. She didn't want to let me go, she just wanted more freedom. I caved and we slept together.
Yesterday was a good day. I felt that things were back to normal and we went to see a movie. She came over afterwards and we kissed. I told her I loved her and she told me the same. Later that night she went out with her friend.
This morning I called her and she didn't answer her phone. By the time 3pm hit I decided to drive to her house and take her out to lunch.
As I pulled up to her house I saw her. She was coming out of the front door (talking on her phone) and she was with a guy. They both climbed into her car as I drove up. He had no car there. I became suspicious. I walked up to her car window and tapped on it.
She was shocked to see me. She looked like a deer in headlights. She didn't say a word and drove away as fast as she could. I stood in her driveway speechless.
I went inside her house with a key she gave me when we first started dating. And in her bedroom it was obvious what had been going on.
I left.
Finally after hours of not hearing anything, she answered her phone. When I asked her where she had been she calmly told me that she went to lunch with him. When I asked her if he had stayed the night, she said "yes".
Yesterday she acted like she loved me with all of her heart. Today she became the coldest person I have ever met. There was no emotion in her voice. When she would speak to me, she sounded bored. I told her how much pain I was in, I cried, I hurt. She would only say, "I'm sorry", in the same way you might say it to someone that you bump into while standing in line at the store.
And now here I am, all alone, no friends, no place to go, and I don't know how this happened. I feel like someone has died.
