GreenFrog404

Heh... Im not one to talk since im in the same position to an extent... but i would say, go to her and say "I want to date you, becuase i really like you. I want to have a real and good relationship with you. What do you want in a relaitonship? What makes the relationship real, becuase my definition of real and your may be two completely differnet things. I really like you, and i would do anything i could to date you, and that includes adhering to your standards of a "real" relationship" something along those llines, get her to tell you what she is looking for. and when you are told, tell her that you are those things, and then make yourself into those things. if she asks you what you are looking for in a relationship, tell her that you want to do what is right by her. i suppose. That is what i would do (if i could actually find the confidence to open my mouth)

OK. Background, First of all, the more i like someone, the less i can talk to them about how i feel about them. this girl who we will call Mary, is someone that i really like. Mary is from a strongly religious catholic background, as am I, we both try to live our faith to a good extent, striving for personal holiness. I have never had any very good luck in anythign even vaguely dating related, having stuffed up a multitude of friendships by asking girls out, i have had one girlfriend which was a big mistake. Now Mary is 20, im younger by 2 years, she has never dated before, has been approached once or twice, but turned them down. this was before i met her. We hang out together, spending a Lot of time together, talking, watching films alone in my room at college (in the dark no less), we more or less cling madly to one another, since both she and i spend most of our spare time togher. This i have no problem with, since i Love being around her. In fact i spend so much time with her pottering around that a friend of hers and mine said to me that we were like "a pair of old people, in an old peoples home, who had been marred for 60 years, and were still in love," This friend also said that she thaught that i was barking up the wrong tree if i was going to try to date mary. So im getting confusing signals. My problem arises becuase I really dont know if she likes me or not. we smile and stare deep into each others eyes, have little jokes that we share, i hug her every so often, in a rather mechnical but friendly way. I try very hard not to seem like im coming on to her, because i have had endless trouble with girls in the past where i have sorta come on to them, by putting my arm around them at films or stuff like that and they objected (being girls that i knew, not some random strangers). The other reason that i dont want to do anything that might resemble a come on is that last time i did that i ruined a great friendship that i had with a good friend, who i liked and wanted to date. I suck at espressing my feelings to girls, as i said earlier. the more i like someone the less i can talk about how i feel for them to them. the only way i can get it out is online, or in a letter, or possibly over the phone, but never face to face. What shoudl i do? go write her a love letter or something? I wrote her a poem of sorts as a kind of thankyou note for being who she is, she read it, i wanted to read it to her, but i could not physically get my mouth open to read it, so i gave it to her to read. She read it with a weird smile on her face, and then folded it and put it in her bag, and never said anything about it. she has never mentioned it again. i tried to bring up how i felt with her the other day on the phone, by asking her "Mary, Where do i stand with you?" which i got a long silence from... and then halting words about being very tired. I have been hanging around with this girl for the entire semester, i can spend a day literally doing nothig with her, and have a great time. I want to have a relationship with her, but i dont, in a way as well, becuase her friendship is so valuable to me. I think that the desire to date her is greater tho. So what am i doing? What should i do?