thefutile87

I just recently made a post regarding me being bored while my boyfriend sits on his rear end - and now I've got another problem I need advice about. It's another long one, but a simple one, I think. Tonight we aren't speaking to each other again. And it's over the cleaning. I mentioned before the clean clothes from weeks ago that I asked that he put away that he hadn't - and today I did four more loads of laundry - all that I asked him to fold and put away along with the ones from WEEKS ago. I also asked that he have it done before I got home from work tonight at 12:30 since he had nothing to do all day and I had to work. I left for work at 4:30, and did what folding I could do before I had to leave. I got home and discovered a mountain of clothing piled on the bed with him laying asleep next to it. I was furious. I dumped the litterbox like I'd promised to do, even ran around outside looking for a hose with which to wash it out in this cold weather, while he woke himself up. While I griped about cleaning the litterbox, he began folding the clothes. Even now, only half of them are put away. There's another hamper FULL of clothing to be done. I realize it may seem like I'm asking a lot out of him - but we were doing just fine at the beginning taking turns doing the dishes, folding the laundry, cleaning the house, and emptying the litterbox. Now it's been his turn to do these things for weeks, and it seems like if I want anything done I'll have to do it myself. The kitchen sink and counter has been covered in every dish we own - dirty - for nearly a month now. It's been his turn to do the dishes the entire time. His justification for not doing the cleaning is that he does all the cooking (once a week, at most) and has to drive over 30 minutes to his school every day (we live about a mile and a half from my school now). Truthfully, he couldn't care less if the dishes were done. Or if his laundry was clean, or if the living room floor was so covered with clothes and trash that he couldn't see the carpet. His philosophy is to clean three plates and three forks when it comes time to cook again, then pile them up with the rest. He also sees no point in arguing about this, because "things will never be equal". What am I supposed to do?

You seem to echo what my friends have told me... Actually, some of it was word for word... It really makes me think. Sure, you're only getting my side of the story, but I think I've been fair enough to both our sides that you have enough information to make a judgment. Have I left anything out? Anything else you might need to know about his side of things? Perhaps... Although I've never seen any signs of this (not that I'm all too familiar with what they might be). Thanks again.

I never even realized that in my original post I never even told everyone that we're both male. We're in a gay relationship. We've had difficulties with this at the beginning of the relationship, and it still affects things now. He feels "left out" if there's anything that I want to do without him. He actually told me at one point "I do want you to have time alone with your friends, but I just don't want to be excluded." This has always been a problem. I've even given up my best friend for him, since she didn't like him and he said he couldn't be with someone who was best friends with someone that hated him. It'd be okay if he was content sitting at home by himself staring into his basketball game, but he wants me to be here with him, and wants me to want to be here with him.

He goes to school, not as frequently as I, as his classes alternate every other week, but he also teaches on the side. He teaches a few classes for a local tech college. He also has invested in a karate class, that he goes to a couple of nights a week. We both have pretty hectic schedules. One thing he mentioned was "The first second that we have off together, you want to go out," and my reply was - you guessed it - "The first second, you want to sit around." That's when I got the "Fun is what we perceive it to be" speech.

We have been having some problems recently, and we actually separated for the length of an entire day. We finally sat down, wrote down each thing that we wanted the other to do to compromise, signed to it, and we've been back on track. I fear I've mislead a little in this regard. We do go out to eat often, and that works out fine, we even had dinner tonight. But we go out and eat, then come back. And I do enjoy having dinner with him, but when it comes down to it, eating is a necessity to survival. And that's all we'll do. Go get something to eat because we'll die if we don't, then come back. We just had a little talk about it, he told me that we all perceive different things as fun, and that we can control what we perceive as fun. He said he just "realizes" that going out isn't fun, nor is drinking, and I just haven't figured that out yet, I guess. I asked him why I had to change what my perception of fun was, and he stormed out of the room. Sigh.

My boyfriend and I are at a stalemate. I'm not sure what to do. I could use some help. I work full time, and am a full time student as well. With 15 hours of school a week and 40+ hours of work, I find little time for much else. I'm 18 years old, and he's 22. We've been together 8 months, and have been living together for 3. When I have long days at work, am stressed out and need to unwind, I want to have some fun. I'd like to drink and/or go to a club. He, however, has a different definition of relaxation. He'd rather lay in bed on his computer. It seems like he never wants to do anything I want to do. He says "You always want to go out" and I say "You always want to sit on your * * *". He's doing this health-conscious thing right now, so he wants to drink even less than he always has. I know he may already be past this stage of his life, but I still want to run around and have some fun. Every night that we have off together he wants to stay at home and spend "quality time" together. This time usually consists of me sitting and watching him play PS2, vice-versa, or us sitting at opposite ends of the couch on our laptops. I love spending time with him (If I didn't, I wouldn't be with him) but I get bored very easily. Any time I go out by myself, there's always a resulting argument sometime thereafter, if not immediately after. I can't enjoy myself at all knowing I have to come home to that. He'll say things like "You never want to spend time with me". Tonight I even asked if we could go to a club. "What do you think is gonna happen?" he said. "Well, we could go out, hang out, dance..." I replied. "We're gonna go, have a mediocre time, spend $30-$50, and come home." was his response. Now I sit in the living room typing this post. He sits in the bedroom on his computer. I'm really frustrated with this. I'd love to be out having fun. I guess I just don't consider this fun, and he does. What should I do? Thanks.