Biffy

Hey bro,

Nasty situation you're in and I can relate in a sense that I work with my ex so we constantly bump into eachother. You can mentally prepare yourself for an encounter, work out exactly what you will say and how you will say it but it's difficult to control your body language and tone, especially in a high-stress situation. It's a given that women are better at reading body language than men so you will almost inevitably betray yourself when you try to stop yourself from showing how you're feeling.

If you're sure that this relationship is over, then there is no point going over old ground. Make a promise to yourself to not discuss the past with her, and try to limit contact with her as much as possible.

Other than that, there's not much else you can do. Distraction is key here.

Try to get out as much as possible - maybe work colleagues you can do something with? Bowling, a sport of some description. IS there any interest you'd like to pursue that you've never got round to? If so, are there classes you can take?

For example, I started doing a martial art called Krav Maga and I really enjoy it... Actually, why not join me! It's on Regent Street, Monday nights. You can take your frustration out on us! Plus there's a smothee joint just round the corner.

but now she seems to be going out of her way to talk to all of these people, and often in a flirtatious manner.

Hey bro, this is what struck me the most from your post.

As far as I remember from other threads you are in NC with the ex, so how do you know that she's talking/ flirting with your friends?

If they are reporting back to you about her, giving updates etc tell them not to.

I work with my ex and had the same problem with mutual colleagues, having them constantly referencing my ex, trying to pry info to report back to my ex...

The ones I am reasonably close to I told them not to talk to me about my ex and not to talk to her about me.

I suggest you have this chat with your friends.

Hey Orlander,

Don't know if you've read DiggityDogg's Guide to Successful Dating, for Men but if not, have a read and if you haven't... have a read.

Flowers are a bad idea.

If it were me, I think I'd reply pretty bluntly to the effect of:

"Why do you want to keep reading my blogs?"

And leave it at that. It's not rude, just direct.

I understand where you're coming from but if my ex was a student she'd get an F at best.

I seriously don't think she learned a thing from our relationship/ break up.

More fool her though as I've learned so many precious life lessons and I wouldn't swap the experience (the dumping) for anything.

I agree with Wilhelmm also a lot of these girls have daddy issues.

There is a book my friend was reading that had little exercises in that help improve ones memory, he said it worked.

I'd tell you the name of it but I've forgotten it.

If she seemed hesitant, she might be daging someone else (maybe casually), and calling would be a bit too much in that situation. If you are not sure I would text her instead of calling.

 

Good luck!

I disagree about the texting - to me that says the person is too shy to talk. Orlando (rightly so) is being confident, he should keep that up.

No don't say that bro unless it's in a joking manner.

Give her a call, keep it short and sweet - make her laugh and then arrange a drink or something. Tell her you can only meet for a couple of hours or so because you've never met anyone from the internet before and she could be a fruitloop or the photos on her profile could be decades old.

Don't take it seriously, just have fun and let her know that by your tone, attitude and body language.

I would give her a call tomorrow. You gotta strike while the iron is hot.

 

I wouldn't make plans with her over the weekend though. When I was single I always made first dates during the week when I could, because if the date is a bust you haven't wasted a weekend day.

Plus you want to give the impression that you're a busy, popular dude (not saying you're not Orlando) and that weekends are too precious to spend on first dates.

Well you're young and maybe a little naive.

Get a guy to prove his worth before you sex him.

true. but a lot of women are with one.

Good thing too, that makes them unnavailable.

Who wants to be with a girl that wants to be with a jerk anyway?

I used to date a girl that did this...

Can be quite annoying I find, an hour in to it and you're exhausted and you're trying to stop yourself from popping the protein so to speak and you find out afterward that she was doing the same!

Sparkle wants to know where Mr Crazy lives???

 

You brazen hussy you!

"Whats a beautiful girl like you doing at the gym on a Friday night?"

Ha.

I have a friend who has reasonable success when he flips a statement like this.

For example

"What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?"

I'm satisfied with my size, but sometimes I think taking an inch or two off would be for the benefit of whoever I'm with

That's very big of you to admit.

TAXI!

I agree with the others but would also recommend reading up on body language.

"Body Language Secrets" by R. Don Steele is pretty good.

Do you think this will have an effect on her new relationship? Not saying I want it to but I'm curious.

You may not say that you want it to but I will.

What happened to you starting NC with her?

You have to let this girl go Nick. Limit your contact and by that I mean NO emails back and forth - I mean when you see her say hi - be courteous but engage in as little conversation as possible.

It's for your own good, you keep beating yourself over and over with this and you will do until you put some real time and distance between the two of you.

You're clearly not ready to be casual never mind good friends.

It's pretty easy to tell when folks are interested in each other.

When I was with my last gf, we kept our relationship on the quiet as we worked together - we didn't hide it but didn't advertise it either.

Everyone knew we were together from the way we looked at each other and how we physically reacted to each other.

From what we said to one another you wouldn't have known thus proving that 90% of communication is unspoken.

uh...er...sometimes i do. The thing is I act a bit odd around him...cant help it.

At times, i get all smiley and over enthusiastic/excited. Other times, Im just bored and indifferent/stressed out.

 

And we talk a lot about work. Even if the topic of conversation is why printing papers are white not green, we'll make it sound like we're discussing corporate strategies that will cost us millions. Pretty serious, no smiling. Mostly because I dont want to give too much away...heh

Ive seen him sneak a smile once or twice through the conversation. Almost like hes controlling his laughter.

 

I find it extremely funny actually (laugh after he leaves). I dont know even know what exactly we're doing and why.

Why not give something away?

Flirt with the guy a bit, show him youre interested with your body language. When you're having a work conversation, steer it away from that and see how he responds.

If he reacts negatively to the flirting/ personal talk then he's obviously not into you. But from reading some of your other threads it seems to me like he is.

"women do like looks, don't let anybody tell you different. they have to be attracted to their man. i've heard all the bs from women. they don't approach ugly guys thinking they are 'nice".

That quote is hardly profound... not exactly Orwellian.

My take is that women generally aren't as aggresive as males in approaching men. Also it's common sense really - not many people would have approached John Merrick in a nightclub.

Women have a tendency to turn into a mess, get drunk, and do stupid stuff after a breakup and then for some reason they want their ex to know all about it.

Dude... run away immediately!

To the hills with you, quick before one of our female friends on here reads that.

Have you ever spoken to him?

Do you return the smiles?

Come on multi... spill it, we need detail here.

Do you know this person? If so, how, what's the relationship?

Strangers sometimes grin at me when I walk past them but that can often be attributed to my top hat and wig.

Yes she did want you to bite.

Your friends are nearly right - but instead of playing it cool, you don't play at all. Ignore her. Don't answer her calls, nothing - she's gone.

I don't know your ages but she's certainly immature.