My wife of 5 years just admitted (after a little prodding) to having an affair during the first year of our marriage. I have always trusted her explicitly so this came as a real shock to me. In fact I was so shocked I freaked out and ordered DNA tests online for each of our three kids. The results turned out well and I feel much better about that aspect anyway.
I have never been the jealous type or even remotely a control freak, but I went kind of crazy. I checked everything I could think of. Cell phone bills, credit card & bank statements, of course the computer...everything. The real problem I am having is that I wanted to know details about her meetings. She reluctantly told me everything.....way way more than I should have asked for. I now have this really good mental picture of the events.
She saw him a total of 4 times. Talked to him fairly often but would go a few months at a time without speaking. They met at work but she hasn't worked there for years and is now a stay at home mom. It's the emotional side of this thing she had that is every bit as painful to me as the physical.
Right now she is doing everything right. We have had the longest and best talks of our lives. Longest and best sex of our lives as well for that matter. She said she will spend the rest of her life getting me to trust her. She said she will do whatever it takes. It has been three weeks now and I really think things could be even better than before. Turn this horrible negative into something positive. The problem of course: can I believe her and trust her. This is vitally important to me because I'm a corporate pilot for a very large midwest company and travel often. Anything but total trust for me would not be an option. Has anyone ever rebuilt trust? I know I will never forget, but I want to forgive.....right now, I can't.
She told me she's not really hot on counseling but would not hesitate to set it up and have a positive attitude toward it. Not an easy thing to do for a mom with three small kids. Anyone think we should give it a shot?
Things that make me feel a little better about her affair:
It was over four years ago.
She was only 24 years old ( I was 32 )
It was only three meetings while we were married.....I know once is to much
She feels really guilty, for doing it and hiding it and lying about it.
Has anyone ever had to deal with getting to much information about the physical acts?
Can trust really be totally rebuilt?