In the beginning of our relationship, I was not really attracted to my guy's looks, but I still fell in love with who he was, and I did feel a good physical spark with him for awhile.
Now, many years later, we are married with two kids, and have had many ups and downs. I still love him, and sometimes when things are going well I feel that I am still " in love " with him too. But one thing I can't seem to get past is the total lack of chemistry and physical attraction I feel for him.
He is a very touchy feely ,sexual guy, and I used to be like that in previous relationships where I had more attraction for the person, but no matter how hard I try I am just not feeling it anymore with my husband.
I don't know what it is, is it purely chemical and hormonal, are we just not compatible ? Or is it something else ? Possibly just his ways of doing things?
I have tried to tell him what I like, and what would make me more receptive to him, but he does'nt really follow through, he acts like I am joking, or like it is'nt that big a deal. He always makes a fuss about how attracted he is to me, and how he does'nt care if I stink or have'nt showered, or you name it. and makes me feel guilty for not feeling the same way. But I don't know if he realizes that he is a man, and is kinda programed to want sex no matter what, and he has always been very attracted to my looks, and I take impecable care of myself and hygeine, and maybe he should try to do the same.
I have a very sensitive sense of smell, so I ask him to please brush his teeth or chew gum before he kisses me( he rarely follows this advice) and to please not slobber all over my face when he kisses me,or sink his teeth into my lips, or grab and grope me roughly, or give me sweaty whisker burn. He is in general a rough guy. He did'nt use to be this bad, but that was pre- navy, now he just does'nt know how to be soft and sweet and gentle. I keep asking him to be careful with me, and teling him how I like things, but he does'nt seem to take me seriously, and then he complains because I am not affectionate enough with him. I really want to be more affectionate, and more attracted to him, but I can't force myself to get past these things, I need more effort on his part.
This carries over to the bedroom too, where there is a total lack of effort and foreplay on his part. He wanted sex everyday, and I just can't, we have two kids , and no time. So I suggested every other day, which he was happy with, just to get it regularly, but now it is expected, and so routine. I have to get the kids taken care of, I dress sexy, wear pig tails, give bj's, all of the things he has asked me for, but he won't even freshen his breath for me. He will take a shower prior, as that is his only hope of getting a bj, but even then I am not thrilled with his smell, and find myself going through all the motions like it is my chore, not like we ever Make love. And part of it is my fault, because we rarely kiss anymore, and I would like to, but I can't handle the breath and slobberanymore, he just turns me off to him.
He is not a bad smelling guy in general, just to me on a chemical level I think, and he is a slacker in the romance department. It just bothers me that he expects these adoring feelings from me, but won't do what I have asked of him. And then I get guilt trips, and ca'nt say anything to him because he is very insecure, and takes any critisim or suggestion as a personal attack.
Someone please help ! Thanks.
