sokolm

I don't know why am I paying debt, but sometimes i do feel like that. The problem is that each time I come to decision to end the relationship, he somehow feels that and change his behaviour. Then he is gentle and nice, and afraid of what will happen I just leave it that way. But, now it's too much for me and I do need to change it. I can't live in such a life-scenario any more. However, I am not sure is he acting or is he really that violent. And what could actually happen if I tell him that it's over. I don't want stiches. All I want is to be happy. And if we can't be happy togehter, how am I gonna do it? I hoped that he would find his soulmate (we are separated for several months because of his job), but he didn't find anyone (as far as I know). I don't know what to do. My mind has decided long time ago, and my heart is now aware what I should do. The only problem now is: HOW?

Well. YES. I told him that he has some issues. But he don't want to accept it. He is always right. And he thinks that I am the one that have problems. I like learn, to read, to travel, movies, like to be with my friends, I know a lot about computers so I often repair sth. I am never bored. He is always bored. He does not like to do anything (except eating food and s-thing). Ok. We are not the same, I don't even want us to be the same. And if I respect his wished, I think he should respect mine. I tried to talk to him, and I said him that we have a problem with the communication. Whenever there is something I need to tell him, I am afraid and I regulary wait for the best moment (when he is in a good mood). Because he is always angry on my wants and needs if don't like it. And then he is yelling on me and at the end, I end up feeling guilty for having my wants and needs. Could I really be always guilty?

Well, I don't know how to start. I am for about 8 years with my boyfriend and the situation is really horrible now. I must say that I still love him, but I can't stand his behaviour anymore. He is jelous and controlling etc. That means that I am not allowed to speak with other male person and he also dislike some women (that would mean that I am homosexual too, BUT I AM NOT). I had a work that includes some traveling. And I payed for each travel with a lot of quarrel, I heard a lot of bad words on my account and I was always accused of cheating him (I NEVER DID). Somehow I realized that I must say to him that it's awful on the journey (EVEN THOUGH I LIKE IT)... that way I was excused, and my firm was guilty of everything. He also did the things with cloths...what to wear and what not. Each time I bought something for me, he protested. How could I be so selfish. And for everything that went wrong I was guilty. EVERYTHING. He is also controlling my phonecalls, regularly checking my e-mail, SMS and everything that he can. He don't trust me at all. Recently I was ill, with a rather bad prognosis, but somehow I was lucky and everything is OK now. And after all this months of suffering I want to give my self a holiday somewhere near the sea with my sister and her husband. His last accusation is: if you go on this holidays, I will break up with you. He was nasty and he even hit me and made me feel guilty (for holidays and a lot of other things) and he told me that I am selfish....He said that he felt terrible as long as I was in Hospital, but he didn't come to visit me until now (is't one month since I came out the hospital). Since he lives in another town now, he expect that I should go with him now and not to the holidays that i want. Sometimes I want to break up with him (I am affraid of the anger of saying that to him). But after every single quarrel I end up examining myself: Am I right, am I selfish, What if he is right .... The last sentence drives me crazy and I don't know what to do or think anymore. I need help!!!!