D_Cheating Heart

Ouch. I guess I deserve all of the thoughts and comments. Thanks for the helpful words; sometimes it just takes other people being blunt about a situation to get the point accross. As for the fiance - he's great, loving, caring, but he does often times scream at me for no reason, he tells me I'm I could go on, but it doesn't matter. I feel like I've bullseyed as a horrible horrible person. Wow - it hurts.

I don't know what it is, but I seem to love the attention from other men. Maybe it's because I was always known as the ugly girl in HS, and now, I'm known as the "sex kitten" and getting some attention. I'm struggling between letting my fiance go - because he loved me when I was the ugly girl, and he loved me for me. And now, four years later, I'm a different person and he's not. He's grown to hate my bar and flirting habits, while I can't seem to stop. I can't decide whether we're still together because we truly love one another or if it's because we've grown so comfortable with one another and fear losing that comfort. And with this Derek guy in the picture.... well, like I said - we've kissed, flirted, and he sends me naughty texts. But yet, we're only "friends." I can't decide and it's so tough. I have less than a year before the wedding, and I'm sick of playing games and putting up a fake smile.

Since I'm guilty of cheating (sadly enough), here are some things that I've pathetically used: -telling him I'm hanging out with my girlfriends (a lot!). -when he questions ALLLL my time with my gfs, I get upset with him because it means he won't let me hang out with my girls. -I stopped caring if I hung out with him. -When I didn't get it on with my crush, I would call my fiance up and then hang out with him just to make out or something. -I started dressing up more often and wanting to go out on the town... without boy. -I always made sure I looked good. -I don't let him touch my cell phone. -I always tell him that it's my "gf" calling with personal issues, so "I have to take this call." -I stopped caring if he called me. -I stopped caring if I called him. -I always had something planned, and not with my man. -All my weekends were taken up to hang out with old/new/college/work friends ... and he wasn't invited. -I started telling my fiance that he should do this and that with his clothes, personality, style, hair, etc. Sorry, I know it's pretty crappy that I can list these things off for you. But just know that if you think he's cheating, ask him. If he gets defensive right away, something may be up. I know this because I've found myself getting pissed at my fiance easily and quickly. Let us know of an update.

Hi, my name is D and I'm 22, engaged, and getting married next year. I started a blog where I can just rant and talk about my "secret life." I haven't gotten a lot of advice back, and now I'm struggling with what to do. I'm not sure if I should get married, move on, stop, or whatever. I love my fiance more than ever; we've been together for the last four years. At the same time, we're opposites and sometimes clash. We have a great time together and I can't tell you just how much he means to me. Recently, we decided to take some time off with our engagement. We want to realize why we fell in love in the first place. This 'break' started last week and I've already made out, flirted, and gotten a bit physical with a few men. There's also another man, Derek. I'm so infatuated with him and can't get over him. I feel like we flirt a lot, but it's not going anywhere. Derek also has a girlfriend who he says he can't hurt. Yet, I feel like he still flirts with me... and we've kissed! I can't figure him or my fiance out. Anyway, if you can, please read a few posts from my blog and let me know what I should do... I'm struggling and the more time that passes by, the less time I have to get my crap together and realize what I should actually do. Feel free to leave your comments on my blog (or on here if you want). Thanks so much; I know I will appreciate it!