Belgian girl

I guess by reading this it may be a reason my bf has made an end on it so from now on I will show more that I'm independent and do more my own things (to someone he has even said that Ishould go on with people with the same interests) (If someone has a reaction or more advice, please at my topic(otherwise I would perhaps not find it back).

Yeah I think you really should have an own life, friends, hobbys,..

Congratulations!

I think NC is a good option in your situation.. don't continue making the fault (we almost all have made) not to stop show our emotions and to keep following them.. it usually makes it worser. But at the other hand, I think it's good when everything is clear for her (reasons, explanation,..) so you could be sure there hasn't been any confusion for her to make that decision. When you keep walking to someone, following that person,.. he/she doesn't even get the chance to miss you

this is not a complete answer (also not a lot of time now, I'm sorry!), hope someone else will complete it (I do also don't know all the answers)..

But I guess about that last part: the dumper often feels / want to feel having it all in their hands, being able to manipulate and decide,.. so maybe better not to react to soon when they let hear soms 'signs of life' and maybe they're just confused or lonely when they start saying something. Personaly, I would ignore it, because I think it shouldn't be reacted badly when they show initiative..

All the best!

also don't forget that a cyclus is not always 4 weeks mine are mostly 6weeks, so I guess I feel at my best (relationships, sexuality,..) in the middle, about 3 weeks after my menstruation I know that around the ovulation it's the perfect flirt-moment and time to feel who is a possible partner (slogan from Always )Good luck!

by me, it hurted/very sensitive because I had a vaginal infection (candida), so maybe be sure that it isn't 'just' that, otherwise I guess you can try a lot that won't help a lot. Maybe you can also ask her to/let her do it herself

Just an idea..

A little expansion at the previous texts: we are both virgin and I've always wished that it would be like that when we both start with the sexual part of the relationship. He's always been the one I wanted to do that with, because we both LOVE each other (but didn't do it during the 9months). So afraid not to be that person anymore (to do that special thing with)

maybe doing the polite thing and not giving much more further information. I can't make up if you want him back by the way..

thank you cooooolsome

I also think (by LC) it's good to show you're there for them, but I still let it be up to you this topic, it's great! (Wished I found it sooner after the broke up)

Also good luck! (Sure she still has the same number ?)

thank you, cooooolsome, for the advice. Good to hear from someone who could think more objective

Hi,

after three weeks of NC (again, but mostly one week because of the bus)

we talked half an hour during our way back after the vacation. I was happy about it. Is there something more I can do or something to take initiative with? To show him I'm happy/it's good when he start asking questions for example. Every advice welcome here. Hugs!

Yes i have hope too, cause i think whats meant to be will be... I know many people dont agree with that but i am a believer of it cause it helps me move on..

 

i had my ex on the block list in the past cause i was not ready to delete him. But this board has posts about finding out if the ex has deleted you or blocked you. And based on that i found that my ex had deleted me but not blocked me.

 

I realized that day he had to be deleted. I have left him blocked as well not that he is a person who will contact me but just cause if earth falls apart and he decides to then i dont want him to have the opportunity , cause i am done with him.

Hey there, thanks for sharing your situation and how to go on with it. But in the time that I'm blocked, he came online for about four times (in about four months), and I tought maybe it would be good if he he has still the choice to look at my nickname, screenpicture. I still have contact with him in real, but not very much (if you want to know the 'full'story, read my topic ). I think NC is a very good idea, altough I can't bring it 100% in reality (same bus in the weekends). But now I don't see or speak him for two of three weeks (vacation). I also want to say, he's (we two) are quite younger than in your situation, I have the idea his feelings are changing very often (puberty ). By the way, he's brother is still online at my list All the best!

Well, I'm studying harder (guess now I'm following up more your advice ? Because I DO it for myself (but also so that I can stay in this city next year, and impress him if I have good notes). By the way, yesterday I've talked with a 'classmate' of him (guess it's not the right word for someone on univ.) and he said they (the other students who are going on with him and that boy) liked my exbf. much more when he was together with me than since the split up. Now he's hurting people by saying things that could hurt, on a direct way, that is what they say. More advice is still welcome . Thanks for the things that are already given. All the best!

Hmm hmm thanks..

But it especially was this tekst that brought me in the good mood:

And I can promise I won't let him show I do it for him I just want to feel enthousiastic and happy, and I know the people and things which make me feel like that

I also guess that it will be such a difference with before when he will start again to find out the things I don't do anymore and the things I didn't do (and he was missing/hurted him).. I think 'the next time' we should give each other more freedom (but first I need to be sure about trust).

All the best, Susan

* ( I meant: ) more the way HE does

* (I meant) more the way HE does (to quick with typing )

Thanks both for replying.

Yes, that's my new plan: to become more the person I was before we were together, because that's the person he felt in love with.

I also want him to see I'm fine even without him and that he finds out that I'm happy. I think if I start doing things that make me feel like that and going on with people I like, I will look like that and that then it won't look forced .

I also feel more motivated again to learn: otherwise I won't be here (this city) anymore the next years! And he's always very fixated at good prestations, so maybe it will be another thing to impress him with, if I can say my grades are good, when he askes the next time about it.

I also may go shopping next week so maybe again something to impress him with^^

As you see, I already sound more happy then before

I've also started thinking more the way I do (I think it are positive things, he's very optimistic). I've also read a topic about a bf who left a gf who didn't look at herself at a positive way. I've read that story and reactions. Their conclusion: She's the only one who could really help herself and it's in her hands. By reading that story, I realised perhaps I'm like her. Maybe I've hold/brought him down with my negative emotions. I'm so sorry for that. I've never tought about that before. So maybe if he finds out that I'm no more talking about pain or feeling guilty and sorry for things and doubting all the time..

But I REALLY want to be together. I don't want to let go this feelings.

And we have to sit in the bus for 1,5 hour (even by car it's an hour to travell)

@ ilse : thanks to mail back and for the sign

I was also thinking about paying more attention to my appeareance.

I've read some good stuff in that link, thanks.

If someone has an idea how to get his attention (back) please try it and tell me.

So glad you want to help me! Thanks for linking to that topic (Guess I'm getting addicted to this site.. ehmm this really is for free this site ?)

For example, how should I be when I'm sitting next to him at the bus every weekend? Should I out myself like I really feel, so crying if it makes me emotional, or should I look uninterested, or giving a lot of attention.. questions like that I'm asking myself. My plan is to ask him back just after the exams in juni. I am also thinking about giving him a letter with explanation about our 'confusions', how it came things went wrong and mistakes in interpretenting each other and to explain why I've decided to do the things he afterwards said he didn't like or hurted him. It makes me confused that it seems he looks well and happy now. Or is it just a mask, I don't know. Any advice or experience in something of my situation would me appreciated!! All the best.

I think it's good possible she started so soon after the relationship something new, just to forget the old one. I guess it's a very bad way and it usually ends up after quiete a short period

All the best, Susan

Wow.. after reading all this I'm asking myself if I am maybe also a person who is thinking bad about herself and pulling herself down sometimes, and now I am -oh so- afraid that I have 'pulled out the life' of my exbf.. I am so sorry about that! So maybe it would go better if I show him I'm ok and going on with my life?

All the best,

Susan

Anyone with advice?